


standing in the way of control

by carissima



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Rimming, Secret Relationship, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 13:24:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 49,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1227997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carissima/pseuds/carissima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam’s flushed bright red from embarrassment and part of him wishes he could take the words back, just rewind for a few seconds and stop the words leaving his lips. But a bigger part of him, that part of him that hides deep inside where no one can see it, no one but him, that part of him needs this and if there’s a chance that Harry will say yes, if there’s the remotest possibility that Harry might be willing to do this, then it’s worth the shame and mortification.</p>
            </blockquote>





	standing in the way of control

**Author's Note:**

> A massive thank you to everyone who held my hand with this one, Bee, Amanda and Jane especially. You're all very wonderful!

Liam is almost certain that there's no better feeling than being on stage with his boys, singing his heart out and hearing the fans screaming back at them. It's the one place he enjoys the large crowds and too-loud screams and there's nowhere he feels more comfortable. He smiles happily as the crowd yells and he dances across stage, not really caring what he looks like and paying no attention to all the times the boys mimic his silly moves because nothing can take away his high when he performs.

It's almost his time to talk, so as he sings in harmony with Zayn, his eyes scan the crowd, looking for signs he can read to make a fan's day. He knows they've spent hours making their brightly coloured signs and he wants to read out as many as he can. He grins at a few signs that are too dirty for him to read out but he waves to the girls holding them, his own way of acknowledging their hard work. And, frankly, their ingenuity. Some of the signs are pretty damn funny, even if he can't read them out loud.

He's making a mental note of a few signs he's going to pick when his gaze settles on one, a few rows further back than he can normally read from the stage. The girl holding it is glaring at him and waving her sign so furiously back and forth that he can't quite work out the words. He squints, leaning over the rail and when he reads the sign and sees the vitriol in her eyes, his throat tightens and he has to hold on to the rail a bit tighter to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid like let his legs give out. He tries to look away, knowing he should, but her stare holds him until he feels his eyes water with the strain.

He can feel the anger rising inside of him. It's all too familiar, Liam thinks. It happens too often these days. It's the frustrated rage that comes with too much being asked of him. Of all of them. Of giving too much of himself away to the fans and it never being enough.

Liam makes himself turn away and he runs across the stage. He's not running away because Christ knows he can never escape this life he's found himself in, but he can't stand there any longer, looking at her accusing face, like he's let her down somehow just by being himself.

Liam's a professional though and he continues to sing and dance and try to put on the best show he can for the fans who've paid so much money to come and see them. He tries to force an extra bounce into his steps, even if he doesn't feel so buoyant anymore. He scans the crowd on the other side, and he's honestly not sure any more what he's looking for, whether it's reassurance or confirmation. But a sign that has a doodle of the boys as superheroes makes him smile, a real, genuine smile, and he blows a kiss to the girl holding it. She looks like she's about to pass out before she screams and her eyes go wide and Liam feels a little of the tension he's holding dislodge in his throat.

The song ends and Liam steps up, vaguely aware that Louis' gone off stage for a minute so he'll have to talk for a bit longer to cover for him. He raves about the sign with them as superheroes for over a minute, getting Zayn's expert opinion on the sketch. Zayn's really impressed, just as Liam knew he would be, and he can see the girl getting more and more excited as Zayn gives her a thumbs up and Niall blows her enthusiastic kisses.

The rest of the show goes well enough but he finds his gaze returning to the girl with the hateful sign every time he's on that side of the stage. It's like a magnet, drawing his attention even though he knows he should ignore her. There's a thrum that beats inside of him, ebbing and flowing but still a constant presence, beating harder whenever his eyes rest on that damned sign.

He's never been so grateful for a show to end.

He's the first to hit the showers, scrubbing his skin clean under the hot water. When he's dressed and ready, he waits for the rest of the lads to appear. Niall's first, and Liam's grin is almost feral as he slings his arm around Niall's shoulder.

"Mate, club tonight?"

Niall gives him a look, but Liam just eases his smile into a more natural position and he feels Niall shrug. "Yeah, don't mind."

Liam sighs with relief and he knows the rest of the lads will be a pushover if Niall's in. Louis agrees immediately, rocking on his heels and grinning wildly. Zayn's not enthusiastic exactly, but with Liam on his left and Louis on his right, pleading and pouting, he gives in. Harry's happy enough to hit a club as it's been a few nights since they've let off any steam and he slides in next to Zayn, wrapping his arm around his waist and whispering something that makes Zayn smile and nod his head. As they climb into the car to take them to a nearby club where there's enough security for Paul's liking, Liam lets his hand trail across Harry's back, meeting Harry's answering grin as he glances over his shoulder back at Liam with one of his own.

The thrum inside of him beats louder as they near the club, until he's not paying attention to the boys conversation at all, just staring out of the window, eyes blindly looking out at the Spanish town, fingers tapping a fast rhythm against his thigh.

He's the first out when the car comes to a stop outside a darkened nightclub. There's no crowd outside and in fact the place looks a little dead but he doesn't care. He just wants to drink and forget, maybe dance a little and grind against a cute girl or just hide in a dark booth with Zayn. All he knows is he needs to get the memory of that girl and her sign out of his head and he doesn't particularly care how he does it.

Paul ushers them inside, giving them his usual rules about what they can and can't do, what they need to be wary of, and they've heard it so many times before that Harry's the only one who can pretend like he's listening. Paul sends them off with a wry smile and reminds them that unless they call, the car will be outside at 2am sharp, no later.

Liam heads straight for the bar, barely registering the neon lights or the darkened walls and corners, keeping his head down as he tries to avoid looking at any one of the hundreds of people dancing and grinding against each other while he navigates his path. The music is loud and thumping, he can feel the bass vibrating through him with each step and his tongue flicks out to lick his dry lips. This is exactly what he needs.

He orders five shots and five beers, tapping his credit card against the bar as an arm slides around him. "On one tonight Payno?" Louis yells into his ear.

Liam leans into him slightly as Louis' thumb strokes his hip carelessly. "Too much energy," he yells back. Louis nods like he understands, because they all get like that now and again. "Where're the lads?"

"Finding a booth in a dark corner," Louis answers with a wave of his hand to the left as Liam hands over his card with a smile at the girl serving behind the bar. He thinks that maybe she recognises them, but she's not staring or gushing or trying to get them to sign her breasts so when she hands back the card, he lets his thumb graze her hand and offers her a grin. She's pretty, dark hair and olive skin, dressed in a black shirt that's probably got one too many buttons undone at the nape but he doesn't mind the view.

"I'll take that," Louis gestures towards the tray of drinks and lets Liam lead the way, clearing the path for Louis as he heads towards where Louis pointed earlier, spying the boys easily enough. He slips into the booth next to Niall as Louis lowers the tray carefully and lets out a loud cheer for the lack of spillage.

They clink shot glasses before throwing them back and there's a collective groan as the alcohol slides down their throats. Liam wipes his lips before he reaches for a beer and takes a mouthful, his attention already drawn to the dancefloor. The beat of the loud, pumping dance music is drowning out the persistent thrum inside of him and his need to hit the dancefloor and burn off some energy is almost frantic. He's the first to finish his beer and he's off to buy another round, ignoring Zayn's vaguely concerned look and the jeers of Niall that "Payno's really going for it tonight!" that follow him through the crowd.

He waits for the girl behind the bar to notice him and he smiles sweetly at her, his spirits lifting as she ignores the other patrons and comes to serve him next. He orders the exact same round and this time she lets her hand linger over his when he passes her his card. She's really very pretty, and he watches her hips sway as she disappears along the bar to get his order.

When she hands his card back to him and moves the tray closer, he leans in and asks her what time she finishes. She looks regretful as she explains in a frankly sexy accent that she's working all night and Liam offers her a wry smile as he moves back, picking up the tray and heading back to the boys.

Four rounds later and Liam's got a lovely buzz floating around him. He's currently trying to annoy Harry by dancing around the dancefloor with Harry's bandana wrapped around his fingers, but Harry, of course, isn't paying him any attention and continues to talk to Zayn in the booth, the only indication that he's even noticed Liam's antics is the way his fingers keep reaching up to brush his hair back off his face, only to have it flop back down again.

Frowning, because he wants Harry to come and play with him and Harry's not paying him any attention whatsoever, he tucks the bandana as carefully as he can with meandering hands that don't do quite what he wants them to into his back pocket, patting the material lovingly as he turns back towards the DJ, his arms raised up high as he dances by himself in the middle of the sea of faces surrounding him, sweaty bodies brushing against his as they move as one.

He can see Niall across the dancefloor, looking cosy with a cute little brunette and he sends Niall a wink before he spins around and closes his eyes, letting the music wash over him until there's nothing else in the entire world.

Liam feels a hand slip around his waist and rest on his hips and he's grinning before he opens his eyes, expecting to find Harry's green eyes laughing back at him. But the hand is too small, too dainty and to hesitant for it to be his bandmate. He turns and finds a beautiful Spanish girl smiling at him a little shyly. His eyes widen before he smiles wickedly and pulls her a little closer, with a grip loose enough that she could pull away but she moves in quickly, locking her body against Liam's until they're plastered together and Liam lets his hips roll a little. She wriggles even closer and he breathes in the scent of her perfume, letting his head bury into her long, dark hair and his hands tighten around on her tiny waist.

He's not stupid, even with the alcohol. He knows that she recognises him and she's probably only here so she can brag to her friends in the morning, but he doesn't particularly care right now. He needs to forget and he needs to feel wanted and she's here, offering him both, and he's feeling a bit reckless. The memory of the sign flickers through his mind and he pulls her closer.

He slides his hands down to her hips and grinds gently against her. They lock gazes for a second and he registers hazel eyes that seem too sharp, too calculating, but then she tips her head back a little and he dips his head to nuzzle into her neck. He licks at her skin; it's too thickly perfumed but he just moves lower to nip at her collarbone. His hands move to caress her back, pulling her closer as they grind to the beat.

He bends his knees slightly and grins into her nape as she spreads her legs a little so he can slide between them. He can feel her breasts pushed up against his chest and it's a little intoxicating to feel the way she urges closer. He moves a hand to slide down her thigh and moves so he can slide his hand back up between them and his fingers trail over her hip. She throws him a knowing look and he lets his hand slip back down, under the hem of her skirt. Her legs spread a little wider and he dances his fingers up her smooth thigh until they're brushing the silk of her panties.

He's groaning as he thrusts up against her, half-hard and driven by the heavy beat of his pulse. He strokes his index finger across her panties and loves the way her head falls against his shoulder. He presses open mouthed kisses across her shoulder and up her neck, across her jaw until he finds her mouth and he kisses her a little desperately as his finger strokes faster, feeling the material dampen against his skin.

"Liam!"

He's being wrenched back and he blinks, the fog of alcohol and arousal throwing him off until he remembers where he is. In a very public place. Where a phone can capture a career-ruining moment so quickly. He stares at Zayn, who looks livid and Liam kind of hates that expression a lot.

"Hey Zayn," Liam slurs with an attempt at a smile. "Do you wanna meet my new friend?"

"Not particularly," Zayn mutters as he tugs Liam away.

"Wait, she can come with us," Liam tries to dig his heels in but the alcohol sends him off balance and he just ends up falling into Zayn, who huffs loudly and drags him faster.

"Shit, he's fucked," is Niall's assessment as Zayn flings Liam into the booth. Liam's head is swimming and the thrum is back, louder than ever over the beat of the music. The itch of his skin is unbearable and his fingernails sink into his forearm, scratching lightly.

"You think?" Zayn's too angry to soften his tone. "Had his hand up some girl's skirt in the middle of the dancefloor."

Liam zones out as Louis starts yelling at him, something about iPhones and the internet and twitter and Liam drops his head onto someone's shoulder, eyes closed and breathing in deeply. It's Harry's shoulder, he realises as he snuggles closer, humming as Harry's large hand sneaks around his back and pulls him in closer to Harry's body, resting his hand on Liam's hip.

"Let's get out of here, he's half asleep," Louis says angrily and Liam feels himself being pulled out of the booth. The hands are hard and unforgiving and he doesn't like that very much at all, so he whines as he reaches for Harry. But he's being yanked away with fingers tight enough to bruise his arms and Liam thinks that maybe Zayn isn't his favourite today.

He stumbles out of the club to bright flashes of lights and he groans, his hand flung out to shield his eyes. He glares as hard as he can in the direction of the bloody paps, and Christ knows how they found them. Paul's suddenly in front of him and tugging him towards the car.

"Drunk and stumbling out of clubs? Typical rich popstar!"

He knows it's a taunt. He knows. But he's had too much to drink and the thrum keeps beating louder and louder and he's yelling out something obscene in response and he hears Zayn groan before he's being stuffed into the car and his head hits the window hard.

"Zayn!"

He hears Harry's shaken yell before everything goes dark.

*

His head hurts.

With a low groan, his hand reaches up, gingerly pressing against the small bump on his head. Fuck. It really hurts.

"Oh good, you're awake. I hope your hangover sucks."

Liam cracks open one eye, looking around until he sees Louis standing at the foot of the hotel bed, hands on hips and glaring at him. It's at total odds to how Louis looks, cuddly and soft in his sweatpants and t-shirt. But the folded arms and sharp glare tell a different story.

"Perhaps you'd like to explain what the fuck was wrong with you last night?" Louis asks, his voice clipped and honestly, Liam wonders what he did to deserve Louis in his life.

Except that's not really fair. He loves Louis. Sometimes Louis is his favourite. Today is not that day.

"Drunk." Liam's mouth tastes like crap and his mouth is dry, so it comes out like a croak.

"Yes Liam, thank you for that brilliant insight," Louis says dryly and he moves to sit down next to Liam on the bed. Almost as if he can't stop himself, Louis' hand drifts into Liam's hair and he strokes his head gently, fingers seeking the bump that makes Liam wince when Louis finds it. "Why exactly were you so determined to get drunk?"

"Just was," Liam says sullenly, closing his eyes and letting Louis' soft touch soothe him.

"Well, your drunken antics have hit the internet," Louis says quietly.

Liam winces.

"Luckily, it's just the shit you pulled outside the club," Louis adds. It doesn't really make Liam feel any better, but at least he doesn't feel worse. "Do you remember?"

He does. In painstaking detail. "The girl in the club. The paps outside."

"I've already tweeted something about being hounded by paps, so hopefully that's taken some of the heat off you," Louis says carefully, and Liam rolls away, pulling the duvet over his head because he can't deal with this right now. All he gets is shit from paps and angry fans no matter what he says or does, and this is just the latest in a long line of things that he's going to get yelled at for, and he doesn't just mean by Louis. At least Louis loves him and is yelling because he knows Liam's hurting himself, and that hurts Louis and the boys.

And that hurts Liam the most.

He feels the bed shift and Louis' voice comes from across the room. "Look, I'll talk to you later, yeah?"

Liam says nothing and just waits for the whole world to disappear.

It takes him exactly five seconds to reach for his phone and pull up twitter. He winces as he reads the tweets and knows he's going to be making headlines on every gossip site today. His mentions are pretty bad, but that's not exactly new for him these days. He throws his phone down with a sigh and wonders how it came to this. He feels like he's spiralling and every time he thinks he's going to hit rock bottom and bounce back, there's another level for him to fall down. It's not like he even thinks he's doing anything wrong, it's just that he's never really understood why being famous means he has to be perfect when he's the furthest from perfect of anyone he knows.

He's mostly terrified because he's not sure he's ever going to find his way out. He just keeps making stupid mistakes. And then compounding those mistakes with more mistakes. And no matter what he does, it's never the right thing.

Liam buries his head under the pillow and prays for it to be tomorrow already. The thrum beats steadily.

*

When he wakes up again, it's dark and he's not alone. He reaches out blindly and he's being gathered into familiar arms. Sighing, he buries his head into Zayn's shoulder and lets Zayn surround him.

"Sorry I made you hit your head," Zayn says finally into the silence.

"Sorry I was a wanker," Liam offers in return. He's relieved to hear Zayn's chuckle and he presses in closer. "Really sorry, Zayn. Sorry about the girl. I guess I just forgot where we were. And the paps. Shit. I know I shouldn't let them get to me but I was too drunk to keep my mouth shut."

"Hey, I'm hardly one to talk," Zayn murmurs softly, his hand stroking Liam's back. The thrum eases a little. "And yeah, you were being a right twat with that girl. You were in the middle of the fucking dancefloor, Anyone could have taken a picture or recorded you. What were you thinking?"

That she wanted me. That someone wanted me.

"I don't know," Liam lies finally. "It won't happen again, Zayn, I promise."

Zayn doesn't respond for a minute and Liam thinks that maybe he's been forgiven. But Zayn shifts so that he can look at Liam and he looks worried. "Liam, you've been acting out loads recently. With the paps, on twitter, getting drunk and doing stupid shit. You're scaring us."

Liam doesn't know what to say, so he stays silent. But his fist curls around Zayn's top and he holds on tightly. Neither of them move all night.

*

He's been staring at the same headline, on and off, for about two weeks. One gossip site had posted an article about Liam's recent 'spiralling behaviour' and Liam stumbled across it the day after the whole nightclub debacle. There's comparisons to Justin Bieber and Britney Spears and how his bandmates need to step in before it's too late. There's even a suggestion that Liam's hooked on drugs, and Liam would laugh if it didn't make him want to cry so badly. He wants to yell in frustration that he's not hooked on drugs, he's only done weed a few times and he only drinks maybe twice a month, which is way less than the average 20 year old, and that maybe if the paps left them alone a bit more, he wouldn't get so angry and frustrated about it all.

But he doesn't. He just shuts the screen down and is self-aware enough to know he'll be reading it again in a few hours.

"Hey Liam, basketball?" Niall's cheerful face appears around the door and it's just what he needs, so Liam shoves his phone in his pocket, grabs his snapback and pushes it down low on his head to follow Niall out to the court outside. It's just the two of them, which is a pleasant surprise because Niall can always fix Liam's bad moods. They mess around for a few minutes before it descends into chaos and they spend almost half an hour just chasing each other around the court and occasionally attempting to make a basket. By the time Niall falls to the floor gracefully, puffing and laughing and crying out his surrender, Liam's only a little breathless but he lowers himself to the hard court next to Niall, sliding his arm carefully under Niall's head to bring him in for a cuddle.

"Feeling better then?" Niall asks, and Liam almost groans because he should have known this was Niall's tactic all along. He reaches over to tweak Niall's nose gently.

"Yeah," he says softly. "Thanks mate."

"No worries," Niall says easily.

"Not going to give me a lecture about my reckless behaviour then?" Liam asks, only half-joking.

Niall turns so that they're face to face, which is what he normally does when he has something serious to say. He always says he likes to look someone in the eye so he can see what they're thinking. Liam both loves and hates that about Niall. Except he doesn't really hate anything about Niall, and never could, so mostly he just doesn't like it a lot.

"Not my style, you know that mate," Niall says quietly. But he looks like he wants to say more so Liam stays silent and lets him work out his thoughts. When he looks up, Liam smiles encouragingly at him, because Niall's not loud and quick-tempered like Louis, and he's not paternal like Zayn. When Niall talks, Liam listens. "We're worried. Not because you're going off the rails, or whatever those articles are saying. You're still the most sensible one of all of us, even if that's not saying much these days. But like, you're not thinking things through, the way you used to. And sometimes you seem to lose control a bit, like at the worse times."

He pauses, and Liam waits, his heart sinking and the thrum pounding in his ears until he can barely hear Niall.

"Just like, if there's something more going on, something that's bothering you, you can tell us, yeah?" Niall says and Liam's head jerks, but Niall carries on as if he hasn't noticed. "I mean, there's lots of options here, Liam. Louis will listen to anything, no matter how ridiculous it is and make you feel stupid for even worrying about it in the first place. Zayn knows you better than anyone, he'll understand, you know? And Harry's the least judgmental person, like, I've ever met. If it's something really bad, he'll make you feel better, yeah? And I'm a bit shit at advice and stuff, but I love you, mate. We all do. Talk to us. Or talk to one of us. Just, like, stop holding it in or whatever."

Liam's head is spinning. He tugs Niall in and hugs him tightly, as the thrum takes over and he can't hear anything except the wild beat that echoes inside of him.

"Hey lads, what's this?"

Liam doesn't let go at Louis' teasing, doesn't lift his head or even acknowledge him. He's just so lost. He's so lost and he doesn't know why or how or what he can do to find himself again.

A weight drops over him and he's got a face full of Louis' hair. "Can't have a cuddle without me, lads."

It makes Liam smile as he reaches up to place his hand on Louis' cheek. There's a body pressing up against his back and by the size of it, it's got to be Harry. "Comfortable," he murmurs in Liam's ear and Liam lets out a shaky laugh. And Zayn's hand ruffles his hair, he can see the tattoos flash past him on the outstretched arm.

He's lost, but he's not alone. He just needs to figure out how he can find his way back. As Harry's hand strokes his hip and Niall presses a sloppy kiss against his neck, he thinks maybe there's hope yet.

*

Since his talk with Niall, all Liam can think about is what might be wrong with him. What might be driving his mistakes. It's not something he'd even considered before as he'd just thought it was him being silly and a bit unlucky, but what if Niall was right? Was there something wrong with him? Was there something he needed to fix about himself?

He thinks about it when he's onstage, singing and dancing and goofing around with Harry as Harry lands another crotch shot that has him wincing and yet deliriously happy. He thinks about it when he's sneaking past security to go out into the streets of Berlin with Louis, laughing as they dart down streets that all look the same, keeping their heads down when they pass any teenagers and giggling together as they swing joined hands down more deserted roads. He thinks about it when he curls up with Zayn, letting Zayn run his fingers through Liam's hair and reading his comic aloud for Liam to drift off to sleep to. He thinks about it when Niall sneaks into his bunk to join him for a nap and they curl up together, fingers entwined against the pillow between them.

He can't put his finger on it. He thinks that maybe it has something to do with his break up with Dani, because that's when it all seemed to start. But their break up with mostly amicable and he thinks he's healed from that entire painful period of his life, so maybe it's nothing to with Dani, maybe it's the breakup with Sophia. Or maybe it's something to do with how out of control their lives have become. Except that almost every minute of their lives is controlled, from where they'll be the next day to how much free time they have before their almost daily shows or before a round of interviews that'll air over the next few months, to how long they'll be cooped up inside their hotels until the crowds outside have subsided enough for them to venture out.

When something finally shifts, it's mostly an accident.

It starts with a touch.

Another interview. He's lost count of which station this one is for, can't remember what country this one is going to be played out to, can't remember whether he has to speak a bit slower for his accent to be understood. He tenses as he glances at Louis next to him, who's answering a question for once but he just catches Liam's eye with a puzzled look before he turns back to the interviewer. Heart racing, he starts to tap his fingers against his thigh as he cranes his neck a little to catch Paul's eye. He's standing behind the camera but he gives Liam a thumbs up, so whatever it is he's meant to be doing, apparently he's doing it right.

"And Liam, you're single now?"

His whole body tenses and he stares at the interviewer. It's the first time he's been asked, and he'd thought maybe Paul had vetoed relationship questions or something. But here it is, the question he's been dreading. It's too raw, too much and he knows he's going to say the wrong thing.

"Uh, yeah." It's the best he can do. He knows it's not enough, can see her questioning gaze that suggests a follow up until she's got her sound-bite.

"So was it amicable? Are you still friends?"

Liam's heard a lot of questions in the millions of interviews they've done over the years, but this one makes his jaw set in a hard line and his eyes narrow. It's common knowledge that the breakup wasn't amicable, so there's only one reason for her to ask, and he's seconds away from giving it to her on a fucking silver platter.

He can feel a hand, warm and firm, resting on his thigh. He takes a breath. And another. It's calming. His expression relaxes and he shifts back, leaning slightly into Harry on the sofa as Harry's thumb moves in a gentle stroke back and forth across the tight seam of his jeans.

"Yeah, we're still friends," Liam says, and his tone might be a little strained, but he knows it's a million times better than what he'd been tempted to say a minute ago. "It's difficult to maintain a relationship when you're on the road so much."

Louis jumps in quickly to explain how he and Eleanor have to make the distance work for them and Zayn follows it with a quiet confirmation of how he and Perrie manage to see each other whenever their schedules allow it and Liam zones out, his gaze riveted to Harry's hand on his thigh and how big it seems. With every stroke, Liam feels a bit better and more like himself until his smile comes easier and his body relaxes completely against Harry.

He clings to Harry for the rest of the day. He makes sure he's sat with Harry in every interview and no one objects. Any time he's asked a question he doesn't like or doesn't want to answer, he leans slightly into Harry and he gets a hand slung around his shoulders or Harry grips his wrist gently, his fingertips brushing against his pulse. By the last interview of the day, Liam's practically in Harry's lap, they're so entwined. Liam has his leg hooked around Harry's and Harry has his arm around Liam, his hand resting on Liam's waist and his thumb stroking Liam's skin where his top has risen slightly, baring a slither of skin for Harry's wandering hands. Liam's head is resting on Harry's shoulder and he's breathing slowly, barely paying attention to the interviewer.

When the interview ends, Harry eases up, tugging Liam carefully along with him, sliding his hand into Liam's as they walk slowly and silently through the building, following Louis and Niall who are chatting excitedly about a movie they want to watch when they get back to the bus and Zayn who's between both pairs, texting Perrie. Every time Harry's hand squeezes Liam's, he feels a bit calmer.

It's not until he's curled up between Harry and Zayn on the sofa, his head on Zayn's shoulder and his hand curled into Harry's that he realises he's barely heard the near-constant thrum all day.

*

It's taken him almost a week to work through his jumbled thoughts. He knows he's been driving the lads crazy, but he's been trying to work things out, trying to test whether his theory, such as it is, could be true.

He's jumped around stage, hitting Harry whenever he can, annoying the hell out of him until Harry turned around halfway through Live While We're Young, pulling Liam in like he's going for a hug when he whispers into Liam's ear: "What the hell? Back off, Liam. Stop hitting me for five minutes."

Liam felt his body go lax and his smile came more naturally as he leaned into Harry, letting Harry hold his weight for a few seconds as he pressed a kiss against Harry's neck and murmured his apology, that it wouldn't happen again.

It's inexplicable.

He tried it with Zayn the next night, but he just got wounded looks that turned into glares. And when Zayn told him to knock it off, Liam didn't feel calmer at all. In fact, he got worse, until he was being yelled at by all of them during their outfit change, and even then he was still buzzing, still looking for something.

The buzz stopped when Harry slung his arm around Liam during Niall's final speech. "Feeling better?"

Liam shrugs, his smile dimmed as he stares at the stage floor.

"Wanna cuddle and watch movies later?" Harry offers, and Liam leans in, breathing in the smell of citrus and sweat. He nods once and Harry's arm tightens slightly around him before they're standing up to perform their last song.

It's as Liam's lying with his head in Harry's lap, Harry's hand resting on Liam's bicep as they watch Inception for the fifth time, that Liam realises what he has to do. What he has to ask of Harry.

*

Liam’s flushed bright red from embarrassment and part of him wishes he could take the words back, just rewind for a few seconds and stop the words leaving his lips. But a bigger part of him, that part of him that hides deep inside where no one can see it, no one but him, that part of him _needs_ this and if there’s a chance that Harry will say yes, if there’s the remotest possibility that Harry might be willing to do this, then it’s worth the shame and mortification. And it’s _Harry_. Harry, who’s never turned any of them away with an awkward request; Harry, who’s never judged any of them, not for a second.

He's been sitting on his decision to just ask Harry for almost two days. He wanted to wait until they had a hotel night and he snuck into Harry's room when the other lads were all piled into Zayn's room. Louis and Zayn were smoking weed on the balcony while Niall was revelling in Guinness being on the hotel bar's drinks list, so Liam figured they'd be out of it for the rest of the night.

He’s watching Harry closely, not taking his eyes away from him for a second. He can see the shock, it's there in Harry’s blown pupils and the way he’s absolutely still in a way that Harry rarely is. Then there’s confusion as Harry furrows his brow. And finally, there’s curiosity and Liam wants to sag back against the wall in relief.

“You want me to … control you?” Harry asks carefully, his voice sounding normal, like they’re discussing something mundane like tour dates rather than a very serious life-changing commitment and a complete upheaval of their entire relationship as it’s been for the past three years. "Tell you what to do?"

“Not like, sexually or anything,” Liam says quickly, stumbling a little over the words. “Just like. I feel like I’m losing myself, you know? In all of this.”

Harry nods slowly like he gets it and Liam loves him for it. He's always loved him for it.

“And I keep making mistakes because I can’t seem to stop myself,” Liam says in a smaller voice, but he keeps his gaze firmly on Harry, willing him to understand. “I need someone to just tell me yes or no. To stop me from making those mistakes. Someone to take responsibility for me. Someone to give me boundaries and make me stick to them."

Harry's eyebrows furrow together at that. “Liam. God Liam, you know you’re allowed to make mistakes, right? This can’t about you being afraid to be you.”

“No,” Liam shakes his head because that’s not what this is. “No, Harry that’s not, that’s not it, I swear. It’s just something I need, like deep inside. I can’t explain it, but it’s like food, or water, or singing. I just … I just need it. I’ll still be me, but I guess this is a part of me too and the longer I go denying myself this, the worse it’ll get.”

He can see Harry biting his lip and tilting his head as he stares back at Liam, like he’s weighing everything up.

There’s a tension growing between them that has Liam’s skin prickling and he’s on the edge, wondering whether Harry’s going to push him over or pull him up. It’s unbearable. His head drops with the weight of it, unable to think about how much he needs this. How much he needs Harry for this.

“Come here.”

Liam’s head snaps up. Harry’s staring at him, his face blank but his hand outstretched. Liam stumbles forward, reaching for it and almost sobbing as he entwines his fingers with Harry’s and clings to him because whatever his answer is, Harry's still here. Harry’s other hand comes up to steady him, pressing against his chest where he’s sure Harry can feel his heart racing.

“Why me?” Harry asks quietly.

It’s an impossible question for Liam to answer, but this is part of it. Harry’s asked him a question and Liam needs to answer him. “You ground me,” he whispers, his eyes wide and earnest, the only way he knows to be. “You look out for me. You know me best, you know what drives me and what terrifies me. Zayn would try and protect me. Louis would try his best but he’s too easily distracted. I need someone who can be there all the time, you know?”

He doesn’t mention Niall but he doesn’t need to. Niall can be a lot of things for them but he could never be this for Liam.

It takes forever before Harry drags his hand to around Liam’s neck and pulls him in. Liam goes willingly, his mind clearing and his heart soaring all at once and he feels calmer already, wrapped up in this half-hug with Harry.

"We need to talk about like, details and stuff," Harry says into Liam's shoulder, and Liam falls against him so that they tumble onto the bed. "Heyyy!"

Liam's landed on top of him and he just laughs, lifting up to rest his weight on his hands, placed either side of Harry's shoulders. "Is that a yes?"

Harry bites his lip and Liam can see he's not entirely convinced yet. But he nods slowly and Liam lets out a long breath. Their gazes lock and Liam's not sure how long they stay there, just looking at each other, but it's long enough to have Liam's muscles protesting in his biceps and he drops down onto his elbows, not breaking eye contact.

Harry reaches up to brush Liam's hair back, letting his thumb trail across Liam's cheek. "If you change your mind, or I'm not doing it right, you have to tell me, okay?"

Liam nods immediately. "Total trust and honesty, I swear."

Harry's face brightens, and Liam's overwhelmed with sudden affection. He lowers himself all the way until his cheek rests against Harry's chest and he listens to the steady beat of Harry's heart while he's soothed by the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

"We need to talk about how far you want to take this, Li," Harry murmurs. "Like, are you into punishment? Do we need a safeword? Do you want the boys to know?"

Liam feels a moment of terror. He's not given a single thought of how this would work in practical terms. Honestly, he's mostly surprised Harry's willing to do this for him. But Harry's hand is soothingly stroking his back and the panicked feeling fades.

"No punishment," Liam says. It's the one thing he's certain about. "It's not, like, I don't know. But no punishment."

"Safeword?" Harry asks, hooking his legs over Liam's feet. "Probably not, if there's no punishment, right? But maybe we should have one, just in case."

"Like Batman?" Liam asks thoughtfully, tipping his head back so he can look at Harry.

Harry's grinning down at him. "No, it's gotta be a word you wouldn't normally use, mate. Like, uh, I dunno. Pineapple?"

"Pineapple?" Liam stares at him in disbelief before he starts laughing. "Pineapple?"

"Yeah okay, maybe not pineapple," Harry admits with a grin. "What about Harold?"

"Harold," Liam thinks about the possibilities. It'd be more like a codeword, especially if he had to use it in public. "I just have to remember to not use it like in everyday use and stuff."

"You don't really use it that often anyway, right?" Harry points out, and Liam nods. "So Harold if you need me to stop, right?"

"Should we have a codeword for if I'm panicking in public and I need you to take over?" Liam asks earnestly, nibbling on his bottom lip worriedly. "Like, I'll call you Hazza."

"Are you going to be able to remember this, Liam?" Harry strokes his face gently, looking concerned.

"We can try it," Liam says stubbornly. "And I don't think I want the boys to know. At least, not yet."

Harry pulls him up closer for a cuddle. " We'll figure it out as we go, yeah? Do you want to come to me when you need me to, like, take control for you or do you want me to just, I don't know, judge it for myself?"

"Maybe I could come to you?" Liam asks hesitantly. "But if it gets too much, or you think it's too hard, just let me know, yeah?"

"Total honesty and trust," Harry echoes him. Liam's lips curve into a smile. "Works both ways, I reckon."

*

Just knowing that Harry's around, ready to be there for him, keeps Liam's mood buoyant for a few days. But when he starts to feel restless on the third day, he grabs his phone and goes in search of Harry. He finds him sleeping in the tour bus, thankfully alone.

“Harry, I was uh, thinking of going on twitter,” Liam says quietly, shuffling his feet as he stares down at the floor of the tour bus, his gaze blurring at the grey carpet soft under his bare feet. “Just answering some tweets or something. For the fans.”

Harry groans as he pulls himself up to a sitting position on the sofa he'd been napping on and rubs his eyes wearily. “Yeah, okay. Gimme a second, yeah?”

Liam nods because of course he can give Harry anything he wants or needs, that’s part of this whole control situation, right? So he waits patiently while Harry stretches carefully until he shuffles back and spreads his legs wide, patting the space between them. Liam tries not to be too eager as he sits and lets Harry wrap himself slowly around him until his arms are hooked under his and locked in Liam's lap, his thighs bracing Liam's and Liam’s completely engulfed by Harry, his favourite place to be. He unlocks his phone as Harry’s chin rests on his shoulder. Liam leans back a little as he opens twitter and starts scrolling. He chooses a tweet at random and pulls it up and waits. Harry’s thumb brushes the back of his hand and he takes it as approval, so he types a response. Harry’s hum of approval makes him smile as he presses his thumb down against the screen, sending his response.

He sends eleven responses in total, each one getting approval or suggestions on how to re-word his answers from Harry and by the end of the session, Liam’s thrumming with some kind of energy, something positive and aching that fills every part of him.

“Thank you,” he mumbles to Harry, who hasn’t let go of him yet.

“Lie down with me,” Harry asks quietly and it’s more of a suggestion than an order, but Liam reacts just the same. He shifts forward until Harry can lie down and drag Liam next to him. Liam snuggles into Harry's body, as easy as breathing because they've done it a million times before. And when Harry's hand drifts up and down Liam's spine, pressing him a little closer, Liam thinks it's maybe a reward of sorts. He falls asleep with a smile playing on his lips and his hands fisted in Harry's shirt, feeling utterly at peace for the first time in forever.

*

It's not like anything really changes between them. Liam still spends most of his free time with Louis or Zayn, sometimes with Niall, but every now and again he'll catch Harry's eye. They'll smile, and sometimes Harry will reach out and pull Liam into him and sometimes Liam will slide his hand over to trail his hand across Harry's back. Liam's been getting into the habit of sitting with Harry once a day to look through twitter, and they usually end up napping together afterwards. He thinks that maybe he likes their little routine a bit too much, but he always wakes up feeling content and rested.

There's a quiet morning, where Harry and Liam are the only two awake, sharing cereal and toast quietly as they enjoy the silence.

"Liam?"

Liam looks up, eyebrows raised.

Harry's looking at him quizzically. "So uh, this thing. It's going okay, right?"

Liam's smile deepens and he reaches out to rest his hand on Harry's on the table. Harry stares at their hands for a moment before he grins and turns his hand so they're slotted together.

"Yeah," Liam says softly. "It's perfect, Harry. You've been great."

"Hardly done anything, have I?" Harry points out fairly. "Just looked through your twitter and conned you into having afternoon naps with me."

Liam shrugs, slipping his hand out of Harry's and keeping his gaze down. "I like our naps."

"Hey," Harry says, reaching out for his hand again and pulling him closer. "Me too. But like, you can tell me to fuck off if you like, you know?"

Liam frowns as he stares down at their hands, joined again. "No, that's not, uh. That's not how it works, I don't think? Like, if you want me to do something with you, you should just tell me and I'll do it. I won't say no, Harry, like, not unless I use the safeword or something. I _want_ to do what you tell me to. I, you know, _like_ you telling me what to do."

They sit in silence for ages, Liam staring down at the floor while he waits for Harry to speak.

"You look proper submissive like that, mate," Harry finally says, and he tucks his finger under Liam's chin, forcing him to look up. Harry's smiling and his eyes are clear and bright. Liam feels an answering smile lighting up his own face, even though he can feel his face flushing hot. "It's just a learning curve, yeah? We're still figuring this whole thing out."

"Yeah," Liam nods shyly. "But you're doing great, Harry. If you want to do more, then like, I'd be okay with that too. But only if you want."

Harry shoves a piece of toast into Liam's mouth and Liam laughs around the mouthful, giving Harry a little push that starts a quick food fight, only broken up when Niall wanders in, yawning and scratching his head, and frowns at them both.

"Finish your breakfast, Liam," Harry tells him, his voice deepening slightly and sounding more authoritative. They grin at each other as Liam promptly stops throwing food at him and eats the rest of his toast obediently.

*

Liam finds himself seeking out Harry more and more. Before, they hadn't really chosen to spend their free time together, which had never been a problem between them, it was just that they had different interests. Liam wanted to play football, Harry wanted to play tennis. Liam wanted to play computer games, Harry wanted to go out and see friends. Liam wanted to go shopping for gym stuff, Harry wanted to go shopping for jackets. Liam wanted to lift weights, Harry wanted to go for a run.

But now, Liam seeks Harry out in the mornings, when they have free time. And he asks Harry, quietly, if they can do something together. Harry just smiles at him and they compromise. Harry runs on the treadmill while Liam lifts weights in the same gym. They play squash or do yoga together.

And right now, they're shopping together. Liam had been unsure, worried about the crowds and getting overwhelmed, but Harry had placed his hand on Liam's arm and asked Liam to trust him. So of course Liam had. Harry had asked Paul to arrange for them to get some private shopping time, and he'd arranged everything. They'd snuck in the back of the shop and stayed away from the large shop windows.

"You need anything?" Harry asks Liam over his shoulder as he runs his fingers past a rail, stopping on a blue jacket and pulling it out to see it properly.

"Not really," Liam shrugs, his eyes on the door. Mostly he just takes stuff from Lou's selection as and when he needs it. She teases that he has expensive tastes, but he doesn't mean to, exactly. It's just that the designer stuff fits him better and makes him feel more confident.

"C'mon Liam," Harry says encouragingly. "Oh hey, let me pick stuff out for you!"

Liam nods immediately, his tension slipping away as Harry glances back at him and winks. "It's okay, I'll pick Liam-style stuff. Don't look so worried!"

Liam huffs out a laugh as he moves closer. He follows Harry through the shop, becoming a human clothes horse as Harry pulls things out and lays them across Liam's arms until he's almost staggering under the weight of them.

"That's probably enough," Harry muses as he browses through Liam's selection. "Go try them on, mate."

"Okay," Liam says with a sunny smile. He doesn't particularly care about the clothes, but the fact that Harry's gone to the trouble of picking things out for him, and he'll have Harry's full attention while he models for him, has him practically running for the changing room, eager to start.

By the time he's tried on every pair of jeans, every t-shirt and every jumper, trying not to preen proudly as Harry ummed and ahhed over every outfit, standing up to walk around Liam and telling him which ones he likes and which ones he doesn't, Liam's flushed and happier than he's ever been on a shopping trip before. He's got a carefully folded pile of Harry-approved clothes and a pile of disregarded clothes. Liam doesn't even bother trying to tell himself that he's buying the clothes for any other reason than Harry said he should. And if Harry gives him a considered look when they get to the till and he realises that Liam's buying everything he approved, then neither of them mention it. But Harry slips his arm around Liam's waist and hums under his breath when Liam leans into him.

When they get back to the tour bus, Harry's hand barely leaves Liam's waist and Liam makes no attempt to move away. Liam thinks it's like an invisible thread exists between them and Liam's in no hurry to break it. When they settle down for the evening, enjoying a night off, Harry tugs Liam down next to him and they lean into each other, whispering throughout the movie until Louis throws a pillow at them and Zayn turns to give them an odd look. Ignoring both of them, Liam lets his head fall onto Harry's shoulder and they watch the rest of the movie in silence, curling into each other.

*

They're halfway through their second interview of the day, with two promo shoots to get through as well before they need to head to the venue for soundcheck, and Liam's feeling antsy. He's trying to listen to the interviewer but Louis is whispering in his ear and making him laugh, so it's pretty hard to concentrate.

Then he realises he's been asked a question.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that mate," he says as sincerely as he can manage, attempting his best smile.

"I said there's been some stories in the papers about you getting drunk, stumbling out of clubs and shouting at fans," the interviewer repeats, and Liam stares at him, his temper rising. He glances offscreen and sees Paul's fists bunched, glaring daggers at the interviewer. Behind him, he can see Lou looking concerned and making deep breath gestures at him.

"I've never shouted at fans," Liam says tightly. His body is tense, his muscles straining while he's trying to appear calm. "And I'm 20 years old, I'm perfectly entitled to get drunk as much as the next 20 year old."

"So you deny shouting at fans two weeks ago, when you left a nightclub in Barcelona?" the interviewer insists, leaning forward.

Liam can feel himself losing control. He can feel the rage building inside of him. He wants to yell at this smug interviewer, tell him where to go and where he can stuff his false stories.

A hand on his wrist has his temper cooling immediately. He can feel it subside, until all he's focusing on is Harry.

"Hazza," he whispers shakily.

"Didn't happen, mate," Harry says with a sweet, sincere smile for the interview. It's all pearly white teeth and dimples. "We were all there, weren't we lads?"

"Yeah, we were," Louis jumps in, levelling the interviewer with a bright, false smile, all sharp teeth. "Liam here didn't shout at anyone except a pap who yelled something pretty offensive, mate. So why don't you try a different question and stop fishing for a story that doesn't exist, yeah?"

Liam lets out a shaky breath. He avoids the interviewer's questions and looks for the rest of the interview, trying to make himself as small as he can in the middle of the sofa and curling himself unconsciously into Harry.

"You're alright, babe," Harry murmurs quietly, for Liam's ears only. Liam stays silent, but he turns his wrist around so he can wrap his hand around Harry's wrist, holding on for dear life.

He stays tense until the interview finally ends, and every single one of the lads refuses to shake the interviewer's hand. Even Harry. He leads Liam off, muttering to Louis that they need a minute, and Liam finds himself being dragged into a bathroom and Harry's wrapping him up in a hug.

"Babe, you okay?" Harry asks, his hand stroking Liam's hair over and over. Liam finds it soothing. He takes a deep breath, and then another.

"Yeah," he says finally, managing a little smile that Harry can't see because Liam's head is buried in Harry's shoulder. "Thanks, Harry."

"You said the codeword," Harry murmurs, and Liam can hear the surprise in his voice. "It was, like, it was nice, you know?"

"Yeah," Liam says on a sigh. His hands are bunched into Harry's shirt at the small of his back and he moves in a bit closer, their bodies lining up together perfectly. Harry's the only one in the band that can make him feel small, Liam realises, and he nuzzles into Harry's neck a little, breathing as slowly as he can manage to calm his racing heart.

There’s a solidarity to Harry that Liam’s drawn to. There’s something in the way his touch gentles him that makes Liam want to be closer to him. There’s a steadiness that Liam craves.

"Like, not that you were upset, but that I knew what you needed, and I helped," Harry clarifies, even though Liam knew what he meant. "It's working, right? You didn't say anything that could be misunderstood or taken out of context."

"And this," Liam insists. "This is what I needed too."

Harry moves backs a little so that he can look down at Liam. He smiles gently, perhaps a little on the smug side. "Yeah. Thought so. Pretty good at this, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're okay," Liam teases him lightly, even though he's right. He knew Harry was the right choice. "You're so competitive."

"Just like to be the best, Li," Harry says loftily, before he cracks and starts laughing. "I can't help it. If I'm going to do something, I want to be the best at it."

They stay silent for a bit, locked together, until there's a knock at the door. "Lads? We need to do the commercial shoot in like, five minutes."

"Out in a minute Zayn!" Harry calls through the door before he tilts Liam's face up to examine it carefully. "No damage visible. Smile, yeah?"

Liam pastes on his best smile, and Harry grins back at him. "Perfect."

He turns and is about to head out when Liam reaches out to grab his arm. Harry looks back, his eyebrows knitted together.

"You _are_ the best, Harry." Liam knows he's being a bit soppy, but then again he's always been soppily honest, and Harry knows it. He reaches for Liam's hand and they head back to the rest of the boys.

"Just stay next to me, okay?" Harry whispers just before they reach the lads.

"Stupid journos," Louis says loudly as he reaches out to grab Liam's nipple, grinning as Liam blocks him. "Can't do their job properly."

"Yeah, I think he heard the first six times you said that mate," Niall says calmly, and Liam laughs, because honestly, he doesn't know where he'd be without these boys.

*

Liam drags himself out of bed, feeling out of sorts and grumpy and pulls on his sweats and a top. He grunts a hello to Louis, who's sitting at the table in front of an empty plate, thumbing through his phone.

"Cheery this morning," Louis notes with a pointed look.

Liam slumps into a chair next to him, folding his arms on the table and resting his chin on them.

"Look mate," Louis says, like he's made a decision and is going to plough through with it, "that interviewer was totally out of line, but you handled it fine, yeah? We're all proud of you."

"Proud that I managed to keep my temper?" Liam's face tightens. "Wonderful. So it's a good day now if I don't go off on someone or do something stupid. Great."

"I didn't say that, Liam," Louis says mildly. He puts his phone down and reaches out to grip Liam's wrist. Liam ignores the urge to pull away, because Louis' hand isn't big enough and his grasp isn't firm enough. "We know you've found things a bit difficult recently, that's all. And you did well yesterday, when that guy was being a total wanker."

Liam sighs, turning his arm over so he can interlace his fingers with Louis'. "Thanks, Tommo."

"Morning," Harry yawns as he walks in, dressed only in his boxers and scratching his tummy gently.

Louis grabs his hand as he walks past and pulls him down for a cuddle, Harry laughing softly before he manages to untangle himself. "You need to get laid, Lou."

"You think I don't know?" Louis asks, slightly pained as he returns his attentions back to his phone. "El's not coming out for another three weeks."

"Oh, poor you," Harry teases him as he picks up the bread and drops four slices into the toaster. "Your regular source of sex isn't available for a whole three weeks."

"My regular source of sex," Louis repeats, his eyes lighting up as he starts to grin. "She'll love that."

Harry rolls his eyes as Louis sends the text. "Why are you telling her? She's going to kill me."

"Nah, she'll find it hilarious," Louis assures him. "Right before she smacks you around the head."

"My head still hurts from last time," Harry mutters as he digs out the butter and rummages through the cupboards for his favourite jam. When the toast pops, he butters every slice and spreads jam on two, spreading nutella on the others. He cuts his in half and he cuts the others into triangles, adding them to plates and he drops the nutella toast in front of Liam, his hand resting on Liam's shoulder for a second before he slips into the chair next to him.

"Thanks Hazza," Liam says quietly.

Harry doesn't look up, but Liam sees his hands pause for a second, halfway to his mouth. "Eat your toast, babe."

Liam picks up a triangle and munches away, trying not to smile as Harry's foot nudges his under the table.

"Since when are you two so domestic?" Louis asks, and Liam and Harry both look up, wearing identical frowns. "You never make breakfast for anyone, Harold. What gives?"

"I do," Harry protests, and Liam can see him trying to remember the last time he made breakfast for one of them. "Heyyy, I made Zayn breakfast like, last month."

"Feel free to do it again," Zayn mutters as he walks in, dropping into the chair next to Louis. He reaches over to swipe some of Liam's toast but Harry bats his hand away before he can steal any. "Hey! Liam, gimme some of your toast. M'ungry."

Liam flushes but he doesn't answer.

"Nope, make your own," Harry says cheerfully, smiling at Liam and hooking his foot around Liam's ankle. Liam wonders whether anyone else can hear that slightly steely tone to his voice through the brightness. "That's Liam's breakfast."

Zayn sends Liam a pleading look but Liam just shrugs and attempts an apologetic smile.

"Oh and stick the kettle on, mate," Harry asks sweetly as Zayn gets to his feet. He gets a filthy look in response but he does turn the kettle on before he pours himself some cereal. He leans back against the counter as he eats, his gaze curious on Liam.

"Zayn, Niall and I are going to sneak out to watch a film later," Louis says, lifting his gaze to look at Liam and Harry. "Fancy it?"

Liam looks to Harry, his gaze unwavering.

"I think we're going to do yoga this afternoon, yeah Liam?" Harry asks, his voice softer than normal. Liam smiles, relieved, and nods quickly. Harry pats his arm before he stands up to make tea.

Zayn slips into Harry's vacated seat, grunting his thanks as Harry pours tea for all four of them.

"I'm gonna get dressed and hit the gym," Harry says carefully, and Liam recognises the tone. He bloody loves that tone.

"I'll join you in ten minutes?" Liam half-asks, and Harry nods, sending him a wink before he picks up his tea and heads out of the kitchen. Liam's chest feels like it's going to burst, and he watches Harry until he disappears out of sight.

"Okay, this is weird," Louis says, snapping his fingers in front of Liam's face. Liam eyebrows knit together as he lifts his mug to take a sip. The tea is hot and sweet, just how he likes it. It warms him inside. "What's going on with you and Harry?"

"Nothing," Liam says shortly. He's not prepared to share this with the boys yet, and really he's not sure he'll ever be comfortable talking to them about it, because he's not sure they'd understand. "We're just like, spending more time together."

"It seems like something more," Zayn says quietly, reaching out to stroke Liam's hair. Liam leans into his touch because he's always loved it when Zayn plays with his hair. "You're both different with each other."

"Christ, you're not fucking are you?" Louis bursts out, causing Zayn and Liam to turn in unison to stare at him.

"No?" Liam says, making it sound more like a question because it sounds so ridiculous. "Of course we're not!"

Louis shrugs as he spins his phone on the table. "Dunno who I'd more jealous of if you were, like."

Liam bursts out laughing, and even Zayn cracks a smile. Still chuckling, Liam stands up to rinse his plate and mug before he heads out.

"Probably Harry, you know." Louis' offhand comment follows him out of the kitchen as he goes in search of Harry, laughing softly.

*

“Go shower,” Harry orders, wrinkling his nose at Liam as he gives him a gentle shove towards the back rooms. “You stink.”

Liam pouts a little over his shoulder even as he goes easily, pulling his top off over his head as he leaves. He hears Harry’s wolf whistle follow him through the bus, making him smile as he closes the bathroom door and turns on the shower. He strips quickly, piling his gym clothes up on the floor before he steps into the shower and lets the hot water wash the sweat and dirt from the gym off his body until his skin is pink and clean.

Knowing Harry hates it when any of them leave a mess in the bathroom, Liam picks up all his things before he leaves, calling out to Harry that the shower’s free.

“Wear this, yeah?” Harry drops Liam’s black Adidas hoodie on his bunk as he passes through. “Proper snuggling attire.”

Liam waits until Harry’s disappeared into the shower before he grins happily, tugging the hoodie on as well as his sweats and running his hand through his damp hair with a grimace. He uses the least amount of gel he can get away with to keep it from curling before he sits on his bunk, hands folded together as he waits for Harry.

When he emerges, steam following him, Harry grins at Liam, pulling on a jumper full of holes and his own sweats before wrapping a bandana round his too-long, still wet hair. “C’mon Liam, let’s go snuggle up on the sofa and you can tell me how brilliant I am.”

Liam lets himself be led to the telly and feels his tummy flutter a bit when Harry pushes him down on the sofa before he grabs the remote and follows him down. Harry finds some terrible reality show before he drops the remote and starts climbing over Liam, moving them both around until Harry’s sprawling over him, his head resting on Liam’s chest. “Arms, Li,” Harry says, sounding a little sleepy already.

Liam promptly shifts a little so he can wrap his arms around Harry and he breathes in Harry’s scent, mostly the citrus shampoo he’s just used.

“S’better,” Harry declares quietly. “Lots of benefits to this control thing.”

Liam agrees wholeheartedly, especially perhaps when Harry shifts his knee, which causes his thigh to press down against Liam’s crotch. Liam’s about to move when he stops himself. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the whole control thing, because Harry hasn’t told him that he can move or whether it’s because he’s a bit shocked to find that he almost likes the warm pressure. He stays perfectly still until Harry drops off to sleep, a heavy weight on Liam’s chest that feels improbably comfortable.

*

Liam’s restless. He’s been restless for days and Louis’ been teasing him, telling him he needs to get laid so the rest of them can have some peace. Each time he says it, Liam just flushes and looks away, avoiding anyone’s gaze.

But he can feel Harry watching him. When he bounces on his heels, Harry’s arm around his waist grounds him and he leans into Harry’s warm, strong body and feels calmer. When he’s in an interview and his leg starts to tap uncontrollably, Harry’s hand on his thigh or his shoulder, wherever he can reach, soothes the agitation he feels and he can feel the tension seeping out of him.

Harry’s got a keycard to Liam’s hotel room now, something Liam asked Paul to arrange whenever they’re in a hotel since they started this arrangement and Paul had, no questions asked. Not that Harry's used it yet, but Liam just likes to know that Harry could, that Harry has access to Liam all the time. He’s been tossing and turning for hours, unable to fall asleep or to stop his mind from racing across a million thoughts. He knows he’s been looking pale and tired because he’s been poking and pulling at the skin around his eyes every morning, trying to make himself look more awake. So he’s not exactly surprised that Harry’s noticed, because Harry is aware of everything about Liam these days. It's like a gradual awareness that's become second nature to each other. It’s part of the deal Liam figures, although neither of them has ever said anything. So he’s not really surprised when Harry slips into his room in the middle of the night, padding silently across the carpeted floor until he slips into bed.

Liam’s so tired and so desperate for _something_ that remains intangible in his mind that he’s darting across the king-size bed to launch himself into Harry’s waiting arms. And it’s nice, being held, but it’s not _enough_.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Harry murmurs eventually when Liam's still fidgeting a little, and it doesn’t _sound_ much like an order, he's not using his Liam-voice, but Liam’s skin feels on fire, as if he wants to scratch it away from his very bones and he’s almost frantic.

“Haven’t wanked in weeks,” Liam whispers back, his cheeks heated from the rising flush as his hands grip Harry’s arms, perhaps a little too tightly because Harry’s sucking in a breath so he forces himself to let go, just a little.

“Jesus, Liam,” Harry mutters and his own arms around Liam tighten a little. “Why not?”

And Liam’s not really ready to answer that question because he’d told Harry that this thing between them wasn’t sexual and honestly, he hadn't thought it was. He’d told Harry that the need to be controlled wasn’t a sex thing at all, except every time Liam had thought about bringing himself off, every time he stepped into the shower or curled up alone in bed at night or woke up with a semi, he’d held off on touching himself. He doesn’t want to tell Harry and have Harry back away, throw up his hands and say that this isn’t what he signed up for, that Liam had sworn none of this was about sex. But Harry’s asked him a question and Liam has to answer. He can’t lie, not to Harry, not about this. Not when this thing between them requires trust from both sides, and isn’t that one of the reasons he came to Harry in the first place? Isn’t this why he chose Harry above everyone?

Needing some distance, even though every cell in his body protests, he scoots back a bit until Harry’s arms drop from around him and they’re not touching. Liam hates it. He wants Harry’s hands on him and he wants Harry’s full attention on him and most of all, he wants Harry to want it just as much as he does.

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, because he doesn’t want to see Harry’s reaction. He can’t bear the rejection.

“Because you haven’t told me that I can, Hazza.” It’s said quickly and he’s sure the words run together a bit.

There’s nothing but silence in the room. Liam’s holding his breath and he thinks maybe Harry is too. Until a loud hiss of breath fills the room and he can feel the bed shift.

“Look at me, Liam.” It’s an order. It’s that tone of voice that sends shivers up Liam’s spine and makes his skin heat in a good way.

He slowly opens his eyes, realising that Harry’s hands are cupping his face and he has an odd look on his face. Liam thinks he looks beautiful.

“Go have a shower,” Harry says in that low, rumbling voice. “Have a wank. Then come back to bed and we’ll sleep.”

Liam nods slowly, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. Harry’s not telling him to fuck off. Harry’s not leaving. Harry’s giving him an _order_.

He scrambles out of bed, racing into the bathroom and turning the shower on. He quickly strips off his boxers and steps inside, letting the hot water sluice over him until he’s got a bit of control over his racing heart and his uneven breathing. He lets his hand drift down his body, taking his time before his hand closes around his semi and he gasps at how good it feels to finally be able to touch. He gives himself a few tugs and wants to cry at how delicious it feels. He lets his thumb brush along the underside of his dick and he squeezes his tip, shuddering as he falls forward and braces himself with his free hand against the shower tiles to hold himself up.

The water cascades down his body as he lets himself go and trails his fingers down until he’s cupping his balls, gives himself a gentle squeeze and he can feel his legs start to tremble. Christ, it feels like it's been forever.

He waits until he feels heavy in his own hand and then moves back to stroke his hard dick. His body feels alive and he can feel every drop of water as it hits him, punishingly hot. His hand speeds up and he gives a little twist, just the way he likes, right under the tip. It’s good, he thinks, it’s so good that he almost sobs but it’s not enough. His thumb brushes over his sensitive slit and he leans more heavily into the wall, but it’s not enough. He jerks and strokes and it’s amazing. But it’s not enough.

He lets out a frustrated groan as he shifts back to stand up, smacking his hand against the tiles in frustration. It’s been weeks since he's had a hand on his dick. He’s achingly hard. Harry’s told him he can do this, practically ordered him to come, so why isn’t it enough? Why can’t his body let go?

He tries to imagine Dani, ashamed as he is. But remembering her naked body, his hands sliding across her smooth skin doesn’t bring him the satisfaction it once did. And neither does remembering that amazing blowjob he received from the girl he brought back to his hotel room last month. It’s not enough.

Harry’s order echoes through his head. _Have a wank. Then come back to bed and we'll sleep_. His body falls forward and his dick jerks and swells in his hand, throbbing and stiff. He braces himself against the cold tiles, the hot water spraying across his back as he leans forward and rests his head against his arm. He thinks about Harry’s order. His hand speeds up faster. He remembers the tone of Harry’s voice, low and insistent. He lets out a loud groan as he slips into a haze. Everything goes white as he thinks about Harry’s hands cupping his face and Harry ordering Liam to look at him.

He comes hard, letting out a garbled scream as he shoots come across the tiles, his legs almost giving out as the trembling threatens to take over his body. And he slides to the floor, eyes closed and his back against the shower screen as the water washes him clean.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, utterly spent, before the shower clicks off and Harry’s reaching down for him, sliding his hands under Liam’s arms and lifting him up until he’s standing, docile as a lamb. He feels Harry rubbing him dry with a fluffy towel and he whimpers because his skin is sensitive and it feels soft and warm.

“It’s okay,” Harry’s murmuring over and over again. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you, Liam.”

He turns Liam around and wraps the towel around his waist before he leads Liam out of the bathroom and tells him to sit on the bed. Liam drops down immediately, his brain still foggy and not quite processing anything except for Harry and Harry’s orders.

He feels rather than sees Harry kneel in front of him. He feels Harry lifting one foot and then another as he slips a clean pair of boxers up his legs. Somehow Liam manages to stand up with Harry’s help and they slide the boxers up, Harry pulling away the towel and gently pushing Liam back onto the bed. He falls, feeling as weak as a baby and crawls under the covers. But he doesn’t close his eyes, not until Harry curls up behind him and his hand slips around Liam’s waist, resting carefully on his tummy. Liam covers Harry’s hand with his own, lets their fingers interlace without even thinking about it and coils himself up, Harry plastered against his back, warm and heavy, his breath dancing steadily across Liam's neck.

He’s asleep in seconds.

*

Liam's being suffocated.

He wakes up with a gasp, finding himself with a mouthful of hair and a heavy weight across his back. Liam moves his head back until he can breathe, but Harry shuffles closer, a low whine escaping from his lips. He realises that Harry's half climbed onto his back, which explains the weight, and there's no way for Liam to slip out of bed without waking him up.

And then the memory of last night comes flooding back to him. Fuck. Liam feels the blood rush from his head as he remembers Harry getting him out of the shower and dressing him. Oh Christ, he remembers what he was thinking about when he came. Shit.

He crossed a line, he thinks desperately. He crossed a big fucking red shiny line. And Harry's going to wake up and it's going to be awkward and horrible and everything they've been doing, all the trust they've been building up is going to crumble away. Liam can't deal with that. He can't lose Harry.

"Shut up," Harry mumbles, his lips brushing against Liam's neck where he's tucked himself in tight and Liam jerks, not even aware he'd spoken. "Can hear you thinking. Stop it."

Liam tries. He really does.

Harry sighs as he lifts his head, pushing his hair out of his sleepy eyes as he stares at Liam. "What's wrong?"

Liam can't look at him. He keeps his gaze on the sheets and he really wants to curl up, or run away, but Harry's still lying on him and Harry can be a heavy lump when he wants to be. "M'embarrassed."

When Harry doesn't say anything, Liam drags his gaze up. Harry's looking at him, and he's wearing an expression Liam doesn't recognise. There's a moment when Liam's breath catches in his throat and he feels like he's choking on something, but Harry places his hand carefully against Liam's cheek and he drags in a deep breath.

"I've seen you naked before Liam," Harry says, and Liam can hear the strain in his voice even as he's trying to tease Liam. "You see me naked practically every day."

Liam's shaking his head though because it's not the same, it's not even close to being the same, except he can't tell Harry that because he'd have to explain _why_ it's not the same and he, well, he can't do that. He can't tell Harry that he came while thinking about Harry ordering him around and thinking about Harry's face and Harry's voice. He can't lose this thing that they've found between them. This thing that makes him feel lighter and happier and closer to Harry than he ever thought possible. This thing that calms him and just makes him _better_.

"Liam, look at me."

Unable to resist, Liam glances up to see Harry staring at him, eyes wide and unblinking. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, okay? You don't have to like, worry about it, okay?"

"Harry," Liam groans as he hides his face in his pillow. "Fuck."

"Hey, come on," Harry's voice turns soothing as he tries to tug Liam into him. "Liam, look at me."

He turns his face so he can squint at Harry. "Harry, can we, like, I can't ..." Liam gestures futilely at the sheets covering them and Harry follows the wave of his hand, a frown on his face until it clears and he brightens.

"Yeah, course," he mutters, shifting and tugging on the sheets until he pulls them over their heads and they're hiding together, even though they're alone in the room.

Liam sighs in relief and Harry shifts so that he's no longer draped over Liam but they're facing each other, legs bent and hands side by side on the bed between them.

"That shouldn't have happened," Liam whispers, his face flushing but he doesn't look away.

"Liam, honestly it's fine," Harry whispers back. His fingers jerk a little, but he doesn't move.

Liam feels awful. He feels a bit sick and he's worried, but Harry's looking at him steadily and above all, more than anything, he trusts Harry.

"Hazza." It slips out before Liam can stop himself. His eyes widen in shock as his hand smacks against his mouth.

"Thank fuck," Harry mutters before his hand moves swiftly to tug Liam's away from his mouth. "C'mere."

Not quite steady, Liam closes the distance between them. Harry tucks Liam's head against his shoulder before he tangles their legs together. Liam can feel him breathe out shakily and he cuddles closer, confused but he can feel the tension slipping away. This whole situation is confusing as hell, but Harry's holding him and doesn't seem to be backing away. Liam's too confused to question it and just holds on tightly, drawing strength from Harry as they cling to each other. And maybe, Liam thinks, maybe Harry's just as confused as he is.

"Love you, Harry." Liam feels compelled to say it in a way he's never felt before. The words have always been easy between them, said with a grin and usually as an apology for a mistimed smack or slap. But this time it means more. It's a thank you and an apology that Harry can't understand. It's everything he can't say and more.

"Love you too," Harry echoes quietly. "We're good, yeah?"

"Yeah," Liam says as he lets his fingers trail up and down Harry's back. "Always." He promises himself that he won't let it happen again. He can't risk Harry changing his mind. Not now.

"Stop thinking," Harry mutters again. Liam squeezes his eyes shut and forces his mind to go blank.

*

He wakes up alone. Frowning sleepily, he untangles himself from the sheets he's managed to twist around his body and reaches for his phone. There's a text from Harry that says he's gone for a training session, as well as two texts from Louis, the first one wondering where he is, the second one demanding his presence in Louis' hotel room as soon as possible.

He drags himself out of bed and pulls on his sweats and hoodie, wincing at the way his hair is curling madly as he glances in the mirror. There isn't much he can do about it now though, not without showering again so he runs his hand through it a few times before he gives up and figures Louis' seen him look worse. He grabs his phone and room key before he makes the bed quickly and heads for Louis' room next door. Louis answers on the first knock, dragging Liam inside and pushing him onto the bed where Zayn and Niall are curled up.

"Hey," Liam protests even as Zayn's curling his arm around him.

"Oh shut up Payno." Louis' diving on top of him, squeaking as Liam starts poking at him. "Where've you been anyway?"

"Sleeping," Liam answers, his hand slipping under Louis' shirt to tickle him right on his ribs, where he's most ticklish. The day Niall had found out that little weak spot of Louis' had been the _best_ day.

"What, are you Zayn now?" Louis teases, grinning as Zayn flicks him a lazy finger.

"Just tired I guess," Liam shrugs, keeping his gaze down as he gives up on torturing Louis and snuggles into Zayn's side because it's the most natural thing in the world to do. "What've you guys been up to?"

"Niall and Louis have been arguing about whether Call of Duty or FIFA 14 is the best game ever," Zayn says, and Liam can tell by his bored tone that Zayn's desperately bored.

"It's FIFA 14, right mate?" Louis asks, stroking Liam's hair but Liam's not so easily swayed.

"Call of Duty, no contest, right Payno?" Niall nudges him with his foot, giving him a hopeful look that Liam's seen work more times than it's failed.

"Nuh uh, leave me out of it," Liam says cheerfully. He hasn't got the energy right now to get into an argument and he'd rather just lie here with Zayn and appreciate the silence.

Louis gives him a disappointed look but he reaches for the remote and switches on some football highlights of German teams they've never heard of, but before long Niall's picked his favourites and is yelling at teams like he's been a supporter all his life and Louis of course is cheering whatever team Niall's ragging on and Liam supposes there was never any chance of peace and quiet anyway.

He refuses to keep checking his watch, no matter how much he wants to, and tries not to think about how much longer Harry's going to be in the gym for. It's not like he misses him, Liam tells himself as he listens to Niall yell at the television. It's only been a few hours, not weeks. And besides, they've got a break coming up in a few weeks when they'll all be heading home before they set off on the next leg of the tour, and he probably won't see Harry for week.

The thought makes him restless. He feels hot and edgy, and he closes his eyes because he can't even hear the boys, let alone try and carry a conversation with them. He waits as long as he can, until he feels like screaming and yelling, when he hears the door open. Breathless, Liam opens his eyes and find Harry staring at him, grimacing a little. Liam's eyes turn desperate and he jerks a hand out, shifting away from Zayn who he thinks is asleep anyway. Harry closes his hand around Liam's, his thumb rubbing gently across his skin as he falls gracelessly next to Liam, gathering him close under the ruse of a cuddle.

"Where've you been?" Liam hears Louis ask, his tone a little sharp. Liam shifts closer, letting Harry's arms reach further around him until he can breathe in Harry's scent and seek his warmth, fresh from the shower.

"Gym," Harry says lazily. "Looks like you've all been busy without me."

"Payno here's been pining for you," Louis says, his tone losing the sharpness but there's a question there that Liam doesn't want to answer.

"Don't blame him," Niall answers before he or Harry can say anything. "Harry looks quite dashing in those ratty old jeans and white t-shirt that he wears every day. I'm finding it quite impossible to not launch myself over the lads and attack him myself."

"Time was you found Harry pretty irresistible anyway, Tommo," Zayn mutters, so apparently he's not quite asleep.

"Jealous, lad?" Niall elbows Louis who just gives him a good-natured shove and Liam takes advantage of the distraction to nuzzle into Harry's shoulder. And perhaps he should be worried about how quickly he's become attached to Harry recently, but he doesn't have to worry about it today or tomorrow and that's enough, right now.

"Missed you too," Harry says quietly into Liam's ear. He smiles into Harry's neck as his body relaxes into him.

*

Whenever they spend the night in a hotel, Liam wakes up to find Harry in his bed. He's not sure when Harry comes in because he's always asleep and he never wakes up when Harry comes in, but every time he opens his eyes, he sees Harry sprawled out next to him, his arm flung across Liam and his fingers curled around his side.

Liam tries not to think about it too much. It's just another thing they've started to do together. Just another part of their routine. It's only natural, considering their arrangement, that they spend more time together and seek each other out. Liam just likes to know Harry's there if he needs him, and he's pretty sure Harry feels the same way. He's surprised at how much Harry enjoys being needed, it's a new side of Harry that Liam's a little enamoured with, to tell the truth.

The only downside is that Harry's closeness, his physical presence next to Liam, pressed up against Liam, skin touching skin with Liam, is affecting Liam.

He promised himself that he wouldn't let himself get into that strung-up state again. But every time he tries to wank, he can't. He can't enjoy the feel of his own hand on his dick. He knows it's crazy, he knows he's being stupid and it's a dangerous game to play, especially when he's pretty sure it's got a lot to do with Harry and the only way he's going to get himself off is to get Harry's consent, but there's something inside that's stopping him. So when he wakes up a week after the shower incident to find Harry snuggled up behind him, he's not exactly surprised to find he's hard and aching. His hand is inching down his body, towards the waistband of his boxers when he stops himself with a low groan. He definitely, absolutely cannot wank next to a sleeping Harry.

"Just wank already, Liam," Harry mumbles in a sleep-hewn voice. Liam looks down at him, alarmed, but Harry's eyes are closed and his breathing is even.

Biting his lip, Liam's gaze flickers towards the bathroom, relieved. "Yeah, I'll just go, yeah. Thanks Harry." His own voice is gravelly and rough with need.

He shifts, lifting up the covers so he can slide out of bed when Harry's hand closes around his wrist. Startled, Liam glances down, his dick twitching. Harry's grip is surprisingly firm, and his big hand easily encircles his wrist. Liam brings his other hand down to press against his dick, trying to relieve some of the pressure while he waits.

Harry opens his eyes slowly, his gaze locking with Liam's for a long moment before it drifts down his body. Liam's sure Harry can see how hard he's breathing from the way his chest rises and falls, and when Harry's gaze drops lower, past his taut belly to his boxers and the way they're tenting uncomfortably, Liam can't help the gasp of arousal that escapes his traitorous mouth.

"Don't go," Harry says, his voice thick and hoarse. "Stay here."

Liam shivers as he looks at Harry and finds him watching him. "You want me to ... here?"

Harry nods slowly, his gaze dropping back to Liam's crotch as he lets go of Liam's wrist. Liam misses his touch as soon as it's gone.

Christ, Liam's harder than he thinks he's ever been, and Harry's asking him to wank in front of him. While he watches.

Liam takes a few gulps of air, forcing oxygen into his starved lungs. He tries to get his body under control but it's almost impossible. He's so aware of Harry watching him that he's trembling. He shifts onto his back, lying flat against the cool sheets, closing his eyes as he reaches for the waistband of his boxers and carefully peels them off, kicking them away onto the floor as he lets his hand rest on his stomach, taking a few more breaths before he slides his hand down. His skin is warm, probably flushed with excitement, he thinks as his fingers dance down his skin. His dick feels heavy and fat already, and he knows he's not going to need to do much to get himself off, so he avoids touching his dick and instead lets his fingers trail down past his hip and stopping on his thigh. He reaches down to cup his balls, giving himself a little squeeze and letting out a hiss of relief. Liam lets his other hand reach down to grip his cock at the base, squeezing gently to give himself a bit of control.

He takes a loose grip on himself, jerking shallowly as he continues to tease himself. Even with his slack hold, he can feel the throb of his cock, aching and heavy. He brushes his thumb over the tip, collecting the precum that's already leaking and using it to lubricate his dick.

Liam glances over at Harry. He's watching him through hooded, sleepy eyes, his gaze locked on Liam's face before he looks down at Liam's dick. Liam feels his heart start to race as he jerks himself unsteadily, eyes still on Harry, watching as he slowly flicks his tongue out and licks his lips. Liam lets out a shaky breath, unbelievably turned on as he squeezes his cock hard, tightening his grip as he starts to stroke himself with intent. He lets his hand drop from his balls and it falls onto the bed, between them. He sees Harry glance down at his open palm and he holds his breath, wondering if he's taking this too far. Although he's lying in bed, completely naked, slowly wanking himself off while Harry watches, so he's not sure exactly what too far might be.

It feels like forever passes, Liam's hand slowly sliding up and down on his cock, feeling it getting more slippery as he slides his palm over the tip before sliding back down, until Liam sees Harry's hand inch towards his. He forces himself to keep his rhythm steady as Harry 's hand gets closer to his. When they're barely millimetres away from each other, Harry looks up, looking sheepish and flushed.

"Yeah?" he asks carefully, his finger extending to gently trace a line across Liam's wrist. His hips jerk up and Liam bites his lip, letting out a wobbly laugh before he nods slowly.

"Yeah," he whispers.

Harry nods as he returns his gaze to Liam's wrist, letting his outstretched fingers slide over Liam's wrist. He closes his hand in a loose grip and Liam's hips jerk again. He forces himself to stay still and stops stroking for a second while Harry's hand tightens around his wrist.

Liam whimpers, closing his eyes because he needs to come desperately and it's all too much. Harry's hand anchors him down as he starts stroking again, letting his thumb press down against the slit at the tip of his dick, gasping each time from the waves of pleasure that sneak through his body. The added thrill of Harry watching him, of knowing that Harry's holding him through this makes him want to sob, but he holds himself in check, wanting it to last as long as he can.

He tugs hard on his dick a few times, his toes curling as his body stiffens, hips rolling up into his own fist, but then he lets go and waits for his body to relax. He does it again, and again, until he's breathing hard and gasping tiny little breaths, his body aching and hot. But he can feel Harry's hand around his wrist, anchoring him to reality.

"Jesus Liam," Harry breathes, and Liam jerks as he realises Harry's lips are brushing against his ear. "Just let go, yeah? Let go."

Liam lets out a wracked sob as his hand jerks on his dick and he speeds up his strokes, squeezing tighter as he feels like he's closing in. His hand tugs once, twice and then he feels hot come splash against his chest and his belly as his body softens, falling pliant into the mattress. His breathing is uneven and shallow, his whole body trembling as he fights the urge to curl into himself.

"Shh." He vaguely registers Harry trying to soothe him, his hands rubbing Liam's arm and his face, Harry's touch bringing him back to awareness. When Harry's hands leave him, Liam sobs a little but he hears running water and he relaxes, battling himself for control. He feels a damp cloth running over his skin, making him feel clean again. He hears more running water before the bed shifts and Harry's pressed up next to him again. Harry feels warm and safe, and Liam finally gives in to the urge to curl up against him.

"I've got you," Harry murmurs, echoing last time, and Liam believes him this time, letting his breathing even out until he's fast asleep, tucked up into Harry's body.

The thing is, they don't talk about it this time. When they wake up again, Harry shoves him out of bed and tells him to go shower and when he emerges, clean and fresh, Harry ruffles his hair and heads back to his own room to shower and that's that. It's their last night in a hotel before they head home for a few weeks' break. Liam's not worried though, because he's planning to go home to Wolverhampton and see his family, so there's hardly any chance of running into any paps or situations where Liam might freak out or do something stupid. It'll be like a test, Liam thinks, to see if what they're doing is working. To see if Liam's actually doing any better.

He can see Harry watching him, sometimes. When Harry thinks he’s being subtle, Liam thinks with a smile. But Liam can see him, looking confused and sometimes, he thinks, a bit lost. He also thinks that maybe Harry sees the same expression on his own face sometimes, because Liam finds himself endlessly confused by Harry.

He’s just too scared to ask Harry about it. And sometimes, when Harry’s gaze dances away, sometimes Liam thinks that Harry’s too scared too.

They finish their last concert with a group hug, Liam squeezed between Zayn and Louis and they're all hot and sweaty but Liam loves it. These are the moments he cherishes, and he tells them that he loves them, quiet enough for only these boys to hear. They all groan and Louis tries to kick him, but they repeat the sentiment one by one until they break and run around the stage again.

Liam's standing with his hands reaching for the sky, soaking up the cheers and the camera flashes when he feels a hand on his shirt, tugging him back. He laughs as he lets Niall pull him offstage, finds himself in another group hug before Paul's yelling at them to get to the car for the airport otherwise they're going to miss their flight.

He ends up next to Zayn on the flight because he's still a nervous flyer and Liam's the best one at calming him down. It's only a two hour flight though so they barely have time to snuggle under a blanket together and watch two episodes of Game of Thrones before they're landing and being hurried through customs. Liam takes his bag and hugs Louis goodbye, waves Zayn off to a waiting Perrie and gives Niall a friendly shove towards his own lift.

It leaves Liam and Harry standing together alone in the airport. Liam's reluctant to leave, even though he can see his dad waving at him through the doors. Liam waves back and holds up his finger, asking for a minute.

"I'll see you in a few weeks," Harry says, his hand reaching out to tug Liam into a hug.

"Yeah, a few weeks," Liam says, trying to keep his voice upbeat but probably failing miserably. He clings to Harry for a few seconds longer than he probably should, but he feels stronger with Harry, and he wants to hold onto that for as long as possible.

"You can call me, anytime," Harry murmurs in his ear. "Or text me. Or whatever. I'll answer if I can, call back if I can't. Okay?"

"Yeah," Liam whispers, giving up all pretence of not feeling miserable as his face falls. When Harry pulls back, he winces at Liam's expression but Liam hasn't got the strength to attempt a smile.

"We'll be back together on the road before you know it," Harry says firmly. "So go home, enjoy yourself and have fun. That's an order."

Liam allows himself another second before he draws up to his full height, pastes a bright smile on his face and grins at Harry. "How's this?"

"Perfect, babe," Harry says, sounding a little proud and Liam preens a little.

"I'll probably call you in an hour," Liam says in a moment of crystal clear transparency.

Harry smiles as he picks up his own bags and waves at Gem, who's standing next to Geoff outside. He slings his arm around Liam as they head for the doors. "I'll pick up," Harry tells him before he slips away into Gemma's bonecrushing hug. Liam gets swamped in a hug of his own from his dad, and when he finally emerges, Harry's gone.

*

Liam crashes as soon as he gets home, shattered and worn out. He wakes in morning to bacon sarnies and tea, with a long, teary hug from his mum.

There are carefully worded questions about how he's doing, which makes him think about Harry for a moment but he tells his parents that he's doing okay and the boys are helping him cope. There's a shared look of relief between them that makes him want to grab his phone and text Harry, but he doesn't. Instead, he goes with his mum to do some food shopping, posing for a few photos and signing a few scraps of paper but mostly he's left alone. He's always found Wolverhampton to be more anonymous than anywhere else in the world. It's home.

Ruth visits, and Liam's glad to see her. He gets a hug and a hair ruffle before they sit for dinner, his mum's roast which he's maybe missed more than anything else.

"You been behaving yourself then?" Ruth asks, and Liam's head snaps up to look at her. She looks concerned, more than teasing, and Liam's not sure what to do with that.

"Pretty much," he says, perhaps a little tensely. "Paul keeps us in line when he can."

Ruth nods, but he can see her quick glance at their mum before she turns back to Liam. "We've been worried, Liam. The papers ..."

"They make stuff up all the time," Liam mutters, his head down and eyes fixed on his mum's tablecloth. It's the same tablecloth they've had for the past six years, and she won't buy a new one, no matter how many times Liam's offered. She won't take any of his money, despite Liam's best pleas. The only thing his parents ever accept are plane tickets to visit him on tour.

"Liam," his mum says quietly and his fork clatters down against his plate, his appetite completely gone at the tone of her voice.

"I'm working on it, okay?" he says quietly, his voice trembling with the effort to not get mad. "I'm doing the best I can. Sometimes it gets too much but the boys, they're helping me. Well, Harry's helping me the most, to be honest. We're like, working on stuff. I just need a break, alright?"

"Okay, we won't talk about it then," his dad says firmly. There's silence only broken by the scraping of cutlery on china but Liam stays still, his mum's Yorkshire puddings getting colder by the minute.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to go up to my room," Liam says politely. His mum covers his hand for a second, too heavy and weighty on his skin, before she withdraws and Liam stands up, clearing away his plate before he heads upstairs. He falls face first onto his bed. It still smells the same, this room. Like childhood and hair gel and anxiety.

He flips onto his back and pulls out his phone, staring at the blank screen and watching the clock, seeing the minutes tick by. He waits for as long as he can before he's unlocking the screen and bringing up his texts.

**Heyyyy how's home?? xx**

He waits patiently, drumming a beat against his stomach while he stares at the ceiling. He wonders if his mum would let him pay for a decorator to come in and give the entire house a coat of paint. Probably not, he figures, sighing.

**Home's great! Mum and Gem say hi, just playing scrabble, mum's winning :( everything okay? .xx**

He can picture it, is the thing. He can see Harry and Gemma sitting on the floor around the table, Anne on the sofa and Robin probably next to her, watching telly but keeping his eye on the board all the same. He can picture how competitive Harry is, especially with Gemma, and he imagines there's a dictionary lying on the floor between them, because they'd argue over every little word.

Harry and Zayn once played Scrabble on tour. It ended with Zayn storming off, Liam running after him and Harry going to bed early, curling up with Niall until he fell asleep. The game mysteriously disappeared that night and they've never played it since, much to everyone's relief. Liam's pretty sure Louis stole the game.

**Sounds like funnn! everythings fine, mums just worried about me. told her u were lookin after me tho :) xx**

Liam stands up, stretching his arms out wide to feel his body shift back into place. His phone buzzes.

**Gem thinks I'm cheating on my phone :( your mum just worries. give her a hug and tell her you're fine, that's an order :) .xx**

Liam doesn't reply but he does go downstairs and hug his mum. She looks surprised but happy, and he feels better when he feels her hand stroking his hair gently, the way she used to when he'd come home from a rough day at school. And Ruth pulls him into the living room, squeezing him in between her and their dad. She puts on Britain's Got Talent and it's familiar. He still gets nervous when he hears the buzzers go off, and he can't help but feel horrible whenever an act doesn't get through. Ruth's always the first of them to buzz someone off, and his dad is always the last.

His mum makes tea and they're allowed one biscuit each, and Liam finds it so incredibly normal that he finally relaxes while Ruth protests that she wants another biscuit but his mum stays firm, putting the biscuit tin away.

Liam gives her a gentle shove that she returns and it only stops when their dad yells at them and Liam giggles into Ruth's shoulder while she pokes his side and it's so bloody ordinary that when she gets up to leave, Liam clings to her hug a little longer than usual.

*

It's peaceful, being home. There are no paps, hardly anyone stops him for pictures and he thinks it's probably the best place in the whole world, even if he is slightly biased because really he knows Wolverhampton is not that great in the wider world but it's his home and he loves it.

He tries to ignore the worried looks he catches his mum sending him. He tries to ignore the times he comes into a room and his parents stop talking abruptly before his mum offers to make tea with a too-bright smile. He tries to pretend not to notice how often his sisters drop by, even more than usual when he's been home before, like they're babysitting him or judging how on edge he is.

Except they're the ones making him feel more on edge.

He texts Harry fairly regularly, and he always gets a reply almost straight back. Harry's texts are always cheerful and he never sounds out of sorts, even though Liam's pretty sure his own texts sometimes sound whiny and miserable.

Liam just misses him, really. He misses all the lads, but he misses Harry the most. He's trying his best to not miss him, and he doesn't text him half as much as he'd like to, but it's hard. Liam wants to tell Harry about every little thought he has and everything that happens, from when Ruth fell off her chair laughing about a story about Niall and Paul to when his mum tells him they can make some time to come visit them when they're on the next leg of the tour. He knows he should be worried about how dependent he's becoming on Harry, but he just can't. Harry has somehow become the most important person in Liam's life, his focal point, and as long as Harry doesn't seem to mind, then Liam figures he won't either.

Sometimes it feels like everything’s closing in around him and he’s not sure if he can withstand it. There’s always another show to do, another promo they’re running to, another commercial they’re filming or a radio show they’re phoning into. And on the rare occasions they get some free time, they can’t actually enjoy what they want to do, the normal things they want to experience, because there are too many fans, too many paps waiting for them to mess up, too many expectations for them to be perfect. And Liam’s far from perfect. The only time he feels better these days is when Harry’s there, by his side, making decisions for him. He’s stronger when he leans on Harry. Harry’s strength is his strength. He can’t explain it and when he tries to figure out what it all means, his head hurts and there are too many questions to answer. So it’s easier to just step back from everything. To focus on Harry and only Harry. To let Harry be everything, so that everything else fades away and the only responsibility he has is to do what Harry asks of him. To be there for Harry.

He lasts a whole week, but when his chest feels unbearably tight and he's just snapped a little at his mum, he disappears to his bedroom and waits to hear his parents to leave on their date night before he picks up his phone and his thumb hovers over Harry's number before he presses it, his heart racing.

Liam hears the phone ring. Once. Twice. Three times. Just as he's convinced that Harry's busy, or he's not got his phone on him, or even worse, he doesn't want to hear from Liam and he's ignoring him, Harry answers.

"Heyy!" Harry's voice sounds loud and excited and brilliant.

Liam sighs in relief as he answers. "Hey, I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"Just a hot replay of Scrabble," Harry laughs as there's a bit of noise in the background. "I'm just going upstairs, okay? Are you alright? How's home?"

"Yeah it's good," Liam says, lying back against his bed and closing his eyes so he can concentrate on the sound of Harry's voice. "Quiet, which is great. But mum, like, she worries. It's kind of exhausting, really."

"Mums worry, it's their job," Harry says and Liam can tell he's on his own now because his voice has dropped just a little. "Mine's been asking me non-stop about whether I've been taking drugs. Even Gemma's told her to back off."

Liam lets out a little laugh. "Yeah, I bet," he murmurs. "So you're enjoying being home then?"

"Yeah, but it's pretty hard to readjust to being told what to do, after like, being on our own so much," Harry says. "Think I might head down to London soon. What about you?"

"Yeah, I was thinking of going down next week actually," Liam says, making his mind up immediately. "Might pop in and see Zayn on the way."

"Yeah, make sure he's still alive and that," Harry laughs, because they so rarely see Zayn on their breaks. "Make sure you call me when you're in London, though, yeah? I miss you."

Liam's breath hitches and his hand fists against his duvet. "I miss you too," he manages to say, his voice trembling slightly. "I'm trying so hard, Harry. But I miss you. I miss the thing we do. It's hard, doing this alone after ..."

"I know," Harry says quietly. "I miss it too. How weird is that? But I do. I miss the way you look at me when you need me. But you're doing so good, Liam. You can do this. And I'll see you next week, yeah? I'll come round or something. Just the two of us."

"Yeah," Liam says, but it's not soon enough. "Yeah. You'll stay over yeah?"

"If you want me too," Harry murmurs, and his voice seems to be lower. "Liam, do you, like, do you need to get off?"

Liam lets out a strangled moan, which Harry seems to take as the yes it is.

"Liam, go have a wank," Harry says firmly but fondly.

Liam's hands are trying to undo his jeans as he balances the phone between his ear and his shoulder. His hands are trembling too much and it's much more difficult than it should be, but he hisses as he slides his hand into his boxers and grips his hard cock. He's not even sure when he got hard, but he's throbbing.

He hesitates for a second before he finds his courage, remembering the way Harry had grabbed his wrist last time. Remembering the way Harry had anchored himself to Liam. "Do you," he breaks off before he takes a deep breath and squeezes his dick, "do you want to stay on the phone? With me? Like, while I, you know?"

The silence stretches out for so long that Liam's heart feels like it's about to burst out of his chest. His hand is motionless on his dick and he thinks he's holding his breath.

"Yeah," Harry says quietly. "Yeah, I'll stay on the phone."

Liam shoves down his jeans and boxers quickly, kicking them all the way off and hesitating before he tugs his shirt off too.

He strokes himself gently, breathing heavily into the phone.

"You're doing so good, Liam," Harry says and Liam whimpers at the praise. He doesn't want to tease himself this time. He just wants to come, so he finds a comfortable grip and jerks himself at a steady pace.

"Not gonna last long, Harry," Liam murmurs, his voice thick and drowsy with need.

"You sound, fuck, you sound so hot Liam," Harry says roughly.

His hand speeds up and he can feel his orgasm nearing. He'd be embarrassed with how quickly he's going to come except Harry's urging him on, telling him to come while Liam's breathing snags and he lets out a long whine before he comes over his fist, warm and thick.

"Yeah?" Harry's voice comes down the line, sounding like he's far away.

"Yeah," Liam's barely got his eyes open, his hand still on his softening dick as he curls up into himself. "Thanks Harry."

"I'll see you next week, babe," Harry murmurs before the line goes dead and Liam falls asleep, a soft smile on his face.

When he wakes up, he's calm enough to enjoy the day with his parents, helping his dad paint the garden fences and pretending to help his mum cook dinner, when really he just peels some potatoes and keeps her company in the kitchen.

"I think I'll head to London tomorrow," he says during dinner, keeping his head down. "I wanna check out my apartment, see some of the boys. I'll probably pop in and see Zayn on the way down."

"Yes, of course love," his mum says easily enough that Liam looks up. She's smiling at him, still looking a bit confused but she doesn't seem angry that he's leaving. "It's been lovely having you home and looking after you, making sure you're alright and that ..." she breaks off before she clears her throat and attempts another smile. "But your dad and I, well we're a bit surprised you stayed this long, really."

"Thought you'd be dying to get down to the Big Smoke after a day up here," his dad teases.

Liam grins easily. "I love being home and seeing you guys. But yeah, I think I need to be on my own a little before the tour starts up again."

"We'll miss you," his mum says, and he can hear the tears in her voice but he thinks maybe this time they're happier ones. "But we'll fly out and see you in a few months, yeah?"

"Yeah," Liam says, reaching out to grab her hand for a second. "I'll be okay, mum."

"I know," she says quietly. "I know."

He packs up all his stuff that evening and texts Zayn to see if he's free for a visit tomorrow. It takes him four hours to reply but when he does, it's a simple 'yes'.

Liam doesn't text Harry.

When he pulls up at Zayn's house, he's met with a huge hug like they haven't seen each other in months, rather than a week. But when he pulls back, laughing, he can see that Zayn looks more relaxed than he's seen him in a while, his smile easier and his whole body covered in paint.

Knowing Zayn's place as well as he knows his own, he heads for the kitchen and puts the kettle on while Zayn wipes the paint from his face and hands. Liam figures he's probably covered in it himself now, but he expects it at Zayn's.

"How's your family, man?" Zayn asks as Liam pours the tea.

"Good," Liam says with a smile. "Suffocating."

"Yeah, I managed two days at home before I had to escape," Zayn says sympathetically. "My mum tried to send me to bed, can you believe that?"

Liam smothers a chuckle before he turns to carry the mugs over to the table where Zayn's sat. "You were probably falling asleep at dinner or something."

Zayn's frown tells Liam he guessed right.

"Still, needed to come home, bro," Zayn says as he lifts the mug to his lips and takes a sip. Liam lets the silence fall between them. He normally hates silence but with Zayn, it's different. It's comfortable.

"You'll go back though," Liam says eventually, when his tea has gone cold. "Before we go on tour again."

"Yeah, for a few days," Zayn answers, but his frown doesn't suggest he's happy about it. "Doesn't feel like home anymore though, since they moved."

Liam covers Zayn's hand and gives him a small smile. "Home's wherever you make it, Zayn. You know that."

"Soppy wanker," Zayn says but he grins and pulls Liam into a hug that Liam gladly falls into. "Missed you, you know."

Liam squeezes him tightly. "Yeah, me too. Dunno why though, we barely spend any time apart. But I do. I miss everyone when we're not together. It feels like I'm missing something."

"Yeah, four annoying growths on your back," Zayn teases and Liam laughs because he's meant to, but that's not how he feels at all about these boys. "You heard from the others?"

He shakes his head, the lie sitting heavy on his shoulders but he doesn't want to tell Zayn that he's heard from Harry, that he's wanked on the phone to the sound of Harry's breathing and Harry's voice. Zayn wouldn't understand. Hell, he doesn't understand.

"No, haven't heard from any of them," Liam lies. "Might see them now I'm heading home. Is Louis gonna come visit?"

"Probably, but I haven't heard from him yet," Zayn shrugs, easygoing as ever. He stands up and rinses out the mugs, placing them in the dishwasher before he turns around, looking at Liam carefully.

"What?" Liam asks self-consciously, an arm slipping around his waist as he meets Zayn's gaze.

"So you haven't heard from Harry?" Zayn asks, his voice softening.

Liam shakes his head, but he feels a bit sick.

"I just thought the two of you were practically inseparable towards the end of the last leg," Zayn says in that same soft tone. "Thought you'd have heard from him is all."

"You know Harry," Liam says lightly, even as the lie pushes down hard against his ribcage. "He's probably catching up with Grimmy and that crowd. I'm sure he'll surface at some point."

Zayn nods, clearly making a decision not to push as he moves away from the counter, holding out a hand for Liam to take as Zayn pulls him up and walks towards his graffiti room. "Let's paint something, yeah? It's therapeutic."

Liam agrees, his eyes lighting up as he realises Zayn's whitewashed since he was last here, leaving an almost blank canvas. He reaches for the red spray can.

*

Andy pops round that night and they stay up past 3am, catching up and getting drunk in Liam's apartment. He almost tells him about Harry more than once, but he stops himself, and maybe he thinks he really is getting better about controlling himself.

He wakes up to an empty flat, a pounding head and a text from Andy saying they need to do it again before he skips off on tour again.

Liam texts Niall and Louis to let them know he's in London if they want to catch up. Niall's in Ireland for another three days but he wants to go for a pint as soon as he's home, and Louis is swamped with family but then again Louis is probably the only one of the five of them who loves to be swallowed up by his family. Liam really likes that Louis can disappear into his family for weeks at a time, emerging refreshed and happy whereas the rest of them would be tearing their hair out and crying for freedom.

There's a decent chance he won't see Louis until they're on the plane to America.

Liam spends the day clearing out his flat of all the crap he left there before the tour started. He puts half his wardrobe into a pile for his mum to pick up next time she's round, she likes to take it to her local charity shop in Wolverhampton. He then spends the rest of the day shopping online, sending Lou links of clothes he likes for her to send thumbs up or thumbs down emoji's for. When he's done, he gets a last message from her asking when he's coming over for a haircut because Lux misses her Uncle Liam and sends a picture of Lux looking sad that has Liam cooing to his own iPad. He sends her a message telling her 'soon', and writes himself a reminder to go visit next week that he can stick on his fridge.

He feels sensible and accomplished, but he also feels lonely, tucked away in his flat all alone. Scrolling through the telly channels, he lands on a Saw movie marathon and ends up falling asleep on his big leather sofa, curled up under his duvet while Jigsaw chuckles manically.

Liam wakes up out of sorts and he's not sure he can blame it entirely on the crick in his neck from sleeping on the sofa. Deciding that he's bored of staying in, he sneaks out of his apartment and goes shopping. He tries to take a leaf out of Harry's book and hits the smaller shops in central London, where celebrities are common and he's less likely to get mobbed.

He manages to buy three new pairs of jeans and five new vests before he starts to realise he's getting more and more looks. Before he knows it, there's a crowd of girls in the store, all shouting his name and he's completely alone. There's no bodyguards to clear the way for him. He's not even got Andy to shield him, he's completely unguarded. He sends a panicked look at the store manager who starts to usher the crowd outside, but they're insistent and it takes too long. He starts to feel closed in, like he can't draw enough oxygen into his lungs. When the manager finally manages to block the door to prevent anyone else coming in, he calms down a little. He signs autographs for everyone in the store and takes pictures with fans, unable to say no to any of them while he tries to stay calm and breathe slowly until he can jump in the taxi that pulls up round the back of the store to take him home.

He calls Harry in the car.

"Hey!"

Liam might be hyperventilating. He tries to talk but he can't, he's just so damn grateful to hear Harry's voice.

"Liam? Liam, are you there? Are you alright?"

"Just talk to me, Hazza," Liam croaks out, pinching his thigh a little. "Please, just like, tell me what you're doing."

"I'm at home with mum, she was making me look through her scrapbook," Harry says calmly, his voice low and even. "I think she forgets sometimes that I was right there, you know? Anyway, she loves those scrapbooks so every time I'm home, we sit and look through them."

"Sounds nice," Liam says hoarsely. "Is your mum okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine, Liam," Harry says slowly. "She's going to come and visit on tour. Maybe she can book the same flights as your parents and they can like, cry together while we're onstage or something."

Liam lets out a choked laugh. "Yeah, mum would love that," he says, his voice thick as he rubs his face. "Hold on, I'm just getting out of the taxi."

He pays the driver and tips him something ridiculous because he's just so damn grateful and he hurries through his foyer, Harry still on the line as he gets in the elevator and waits until he can step out on his floor.

"Sorry," Liam murmurs.

"Better?" Harry asks carefully.

"Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to worry you," Liam says quickly as he opens his front door and drops his bags, heading for his sofa and sinking into it, his head dropping into his free hand. "Just got a bit overwhelmed in town. Went out on my own and got a bit mobbed."

"But you're home now?" Harry asks. "You're safe? You're okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Harry, honestly. Just a bit shaky," Liam answers. His heart is still racing and he feels hot and a bit sweaty, but he's fine. He's safe. "Thanks."

"Did anything else happen?"

"No, no I was fine, just signed autographs and took pictures," Liam assures him. "Probably looked like shit, but oh well."

"I'm sure you looked fit like always," Harry teases gently. "I'm proud of you, Li."

Liam's vision swims before him and he swipes carelessly at his face. "Nothing to be proud of," he mutters. "What's wrong with me, Harry? Why is this happening now? I can't even go out shopping without freaking out, and needing you to like, hold my hand or something. It's stupid and I'm so, so dumb."

"Liam, c'mon," Harry says, sounding a little helpless and a lot worried. "C'mon, you're doing so great. It's normal to freak out. Remember when Niall couldn't go out into the crowds? It just happens sometimes. And I'm here, okay? I'm always here, that's why we're doing this, so you can call me and I can help you. You trust me, right?"

"Yeah, I trust you," Liam whispers. "I trust you more than anyone."

"Then trust me when I tell you that you're not dumb, and there's nothing wrong with you," Harry says firmly. "It's scary. We all get scared. We're going to get through this, babe. Together, okay?"

"Yeah," Liam whispers, closing his eyes and trying to breathe steadily. "I just wish you were here. I know it's pathetic and I shouldn't, I'm like a grown lad now, I shouldn't need someone to hold my hand, but I do. I need it more than I should."

"Christ, this is a terrible time to be having this conversation Liam," Harry says with a laugh, but Liam's listening hard enough to hear the worry. "It's okay to need someone. Maybe I need you just as much, have you ever thought about that?"

Liam shakes his head furiously until he remembers that Harry can't see him. "No, no I've never thought about it like that," Liam says finally.

"Liam, babe, can you get on Skype?" Harry says, sounding a little urgent.

"Yeah, yeah I can do, give me a minute," Liam says, fumbling around to turn on his Mac. He can hear Harry moving around too, and he taps out a rapid beat against the coffee table, silently cursing the computer for taking too long to turn on. He just wants to _see_ Harry.

When it finally loads, even though it's barely been a minute, Liam gets Skype up and dials Harry. He answers immediately and he looks so good, Liam thinks with a sigh. He looks relaxed and happy, even though there's worry in his eyes and a slight tightness around his mouth.

"Hey," Liam murmurs softly, his eyes racing over Harry. He's pretty sure Harry's doing the same.

"Hey babe," Harry says, his lips curving into a smile. "You okay?"

"Better," Liam says honestly. "Much better now."

"You look a bit pale," Harry says, squinting a little at the screen. "What did you buy shopping? Anything I can steal?"

Liam laughs, and it feels good. "You won't fit into the jeans, but there are some vests you might like."

"Yeah?" Harry smiles brighter. "I'll have to rummage through your wardrobe when I come down then."

"Do you know when you're coming down yet?" Liam asks, his hands folding together, twisting his fingers around.

"The day after tomorrow," Harry answers with a slight wince. "I'll come over, yeah? We'll get takeaway and watch movies."

"Sounds perfect," Liam whispers as he watches Harry shuffle around a little onscreen.

"Liam?" Harry asks when he finally stops fidgeting and stares through the screen. "Take off your jeans."

Liam's heart jumps all the way to his mouth. His jaw drops and he just stares at Harry for a second. When Harry lifts an eyebrow, unsmiling, Liam's hands fumble at the button on his jeans and pull down the zip. When he looks up again, unsure, Harry's still watching and waiting. Liam shimmies out of his jeans carefully, folding them neatly onto the sofa next to him.

He waits, his heart pounding and his hands trembling as he folds them together on his lap.

"Take off your shirt, babe," Harry orders as he moves a bit closer to the screen.

All fingers and thumbs, Liam tries to take off his shirt as quickly as he can but the buttons won't cooperate. The cotton feels scratchy against his hot skin and he just wants it off. It takes far too long, but he's finally slipping out of it, folding it as well and placing his shirt on top of his jeans. His gaze flickers back to the computer, back to Harry as he waits, breathing hard as he wonders if Harry can see his lap, if Harry can see the way his dick is straining against his boxers.

"Move back a little, babe," Harry says quietly and Liam figures that answers his question. He reaches out to push the Mac back a bit as well as scooting back on the sofa and he sees Harry nod in approval. "You're alright, aren't you babe?"

"Yeah, Harry," Liam breathes out, his face flushed and his eyes bright. "Hazza."

Harry grins at him. "Yeah. You're so good, babe. Thought you should have a present."

Liam can't stop the low moan that escapes from his lips at Harry's promise. "I wanna be good, Hazza."

"So good, babe," Harry says thickly. "Do you wanna take your boxers off now?"

Liam nods enthusiastically, his thumbs hooking into his waistband as he slides them off slowly, lifting his hips so the material can slip down his hips, past his thighs and he kicks them off onto the floor, not bothering to pick them up.

"You look so good, babe," Harry says seriously, his eyebrows knitted together. "You look amazing."

Liam flushes hard, his dick jerking against his belly, but he keeps his hands on his knees, clenching them as he tries to focus on Harry.

"Get yourself off, babe," Harry says finally, when Liam's all but ready to scream from the tension.

Liam slides his hand up his thigh slowly, keeping his gaze locked on Harry. He leans back against the sofa so he's more comfortable but he makes sure Harry can still see everything. It's thrilling, knowing that Harry wants to see him as much as Liam wants to see Harry. He knows they need to talk about this, about what they both get out of it, but right now, Liam just wants to get his hand around his dick. When his hand finally closes around the base of his cock, his lips curve into a smile and he sees Harry's eyes dilate slightly.

Liam pumps his hand gently up and down his shaft, savouring the feel and the sensation. He watches as Harry leans forward slightly and he licks his lips, wondering if Harry's turned on. The thought of Harry getting hard from this, the very idea that Harry might find this as much of a turn on as Liam does has his hand tightening around him and he gasps, his thumb swiping across his tip and pressing down against the slit and he moans loudly.

Willing himself to calm down, he loosens his grip slightly and pumps again, letting his thumb trail up and down the underside of his cock, pressing in hard. Harry's biting his bottom lip, making it look red, slick and plump and Liam fixates on it. He's kissed Harry a million times before but this is the first time he's wondered what Harry tastes like. What he really tastes like when there's a tongue slipping in his mouth, parting those lips or what his bottom lip tastes like. Liam licks his own lips again, feeling parched and so thirsty.

Another moan slips out and Liam bites down hard on his own bottom lip, unconsciously mirroring Harry as he keeps eye contact. His hand speeds up as he watches Harry run a hand through his hair, and Liam wonders if he imagines the slight shake to it because Harry's normally so composed. He closes his eyes at the thought, his thumb brushing over his sensitive tip over and over again.

When he opens his eyes, he can see there's a new strain on Harry's face. Worried, Liam leans in slightly.

"H-h-harry?" he asks, his voice low and throaty. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Harry snaps and Liam's eyes widen at the unfamiliar tone, looking up to see Harry glaring through the screen, his mouth tight and his eyes dark and accusing. But his dick jerks and Liam whimpers, his body arching up off the sofa as he pumps his fist over and over until he comes into his hand and on his belly, warm and sticky and Christ it's everywhere, Liam thinks dazedly.

Liam looks up at the screen to find Harry still looking slightly angry and he cringes back against the sofa. "I've gotta go," he mumbles before he leans forward and ends the Skype call, the echo of a sharp "Liam, wait," ringing in his ears as he sits there, drying come on his hands and on his body, as he wonders if this is it. If this is the moment he ruined everything with Harry.

He thought Harry had been okay with it. Liam thought, since Harry had suggested it, that Harry was cool with Liam jerking off on video. But the look on Harry's face and the snap to his voice, a snap Liam's never heard before in the entire three and a half years they've been together, that they've known each other better than they've known their own families, tells him that there's a very good chance that he's ruined everything. That he's lost everything.

Liam gets drunk.

He calls Andy, who’s only too happy to go out for a few beers. When he hangs up, his phone buzzes. It’s Harry, but Liam just throws his phone down on the sofa to muffle the sound and heads for the shower, dumping his clothes in the laundry basket as he steps under the spray to clean himself up. To wash away the memory of Harry and Harry’s angry expression, his anger towards Liam because he’s so stupid, he’s so, so _stupid_. He pays no attention to how his hands tremble when he washes his body or pours out his shampoo.

He dresses carefully in dark jeans and a dark shirt, styling his hair as best he can, even though he needs to go see Lou and get a haircut. He ignores how pale he looks, even under the tan he’s still flaunting from the tour. His mind focuses on doing the mundane chores of getting ready and it’s easy. It’s familiar.

Harry’s cross with him. He tries not to think about it.

Harry’s going to leave him. He pushes the thought away.

Harry doesn’t want him.

His mouth tightens and he heads for the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking out two bottles of lager, popping the lids off and downing one quickly, wiping the froth from his lips as he drops the empty bottle into the bin. He picks up the second bottle and turns towards the sofa to look at his phone. It’s buzzing again, but Liam doesn’t want to pick up. He doesn’t want to hear Harry shout at him. He doesn’t want to hear Harry say the words that will end this thing between them.

There’s a thrum beating inside his head, urging him to drink more to forget. He finishes the second bottle easily enough, picking up his phone and switching it off, ignoring the eight missed calls and texts telling him he has voicemails.

He just wants to forget. He wants to forget Harry’s face when he looked at Liam, naked and covered in his own come, fucked out and wrecked. He wants to forget the anger in his eyes, and he wants to forget they ever did any of this, because spiralling out of control with Harry still in his life would be better than losing Harry completely.

He needs to forget, so he tucks his phone into his jeans pocket and heads out, feeling lightheaded already.

When he finds Andy in the club, he’s already been to the bar and downed two shots. He’s a bit wobbly, but Andy reaches out to steady him, laughing as he asks how many he’s had.

“A few,” Liam grins toothily up at him. “Catch up, yeah?”

Andy nods, but Liam can see the look of concern he shoots towards him, so it’s probably time for another round. He shoves his pint into Andy’s hand and orders four more shots and two more beers.

“Hey mate, everything okay?” Andy asks carefully before he knocks back a shot.

“Wanna get trashed,” Liam slurs slightly, his eyes bright and scanning the crowd already. He can see people noticing them, but it’s hardly surprising considering how often they’re here. He swigs from his beer bottle before he downs the second shot. “You up for it?”

“Think you’re already there, mate,” Andy says, his mouth tightening as he stares at Liam but he takes the second shot. “Let’s dance, yeah?”

Liam nods gratefully and they lose themselves in the crowd. The beat hits him hard, echoing inside him as he sways to the music and lets himself be grabbed and mauled by fans and eager girls wanting to post their picture with him on their twitter timelines, desperate to be famous for one photograph, to be retweeted and reblogged across the world. His eyes are glassy and his mouth too tight to manage a real smile, but he poses anyway.

He poses for photograph after photograph and each flash helps him to forget.

Here, he’s wanted.

Andy eventually shoos them all away. Liam can see the concern hiding behind his face. He knows Andy too well, and Andy knows him better than anyone. It’s too intrusive, Liam thinks foggily. It’s too much for someone to know anyone that well.

He runs his damp hand over his face, pushing the thoughts away. Andy used to know him, but Liam doesn’t even recognise himself anymore, so there’s no possibility that Andy does. Andy remembers the boy he was, while Harry’s rejected the man he is. He’s not sure which thought upsets him more as he knocks back another shot.

“Enough Liam, yeah?” Andy frames it as a question but Liam knows him. He knows it’s an order. But Liam’s done with orders. He’s done with being told what to do, so he pushes Andy away and orders another beer.

“Liam, what the hell is wrong with you?” Andy pushes the pint back onto the bar as Liam turns unsteadily to frown at him. “This isn’t like you.”

“How’d you know?” Liam asks angrily. “This is me. This is me now. This is all I am. No real life, because we’re always on the road. No real roots, because Mum and Dad and Nicola and Ruth are a family without me, I’m never there while they’re having Sunday roasts and birthdays together. There’s nothing real about me anymore, Andy. I’m just a popstar caving under the pressure. It makes good headlines, don’t you think? Me stumbling out of clubs, yelling at journos who lie in wait for me to mess up? I’m just giving them what they want.”

“Liam,” Andy’s stunned, his hand reaching out but Liam knocks it away. “Liam, c’mon, that’s not you.”

“It is,” Liam yells. “I’m just a big failure. That’s what they’re waiting for. It’s what everyone’s waiting for, so why put it off any longer? If it’s my fate, then why not give in now?”

“Shit, Liam,” Andy’s arm slides around his shoulder as he looks away at something, but Liam’s too drunk and too angry to look or to care. “Calm down, mate. This is crap, yeah? No one’s waiting for you to fail. No one wants you to fail. We’re rooting for you, mate. You’ve conquered the world.”

“No I haven’t,” Liam mutters, his anger fading as quickly as it built. He leans into Andy, safe and strong.

"Let's get you home," Andy says soothingly, his hand curling around Liam's waist as he tugs him closer. "Don't look up when we leave, okay? Keep your head down and I'll get you in a taxi."

Liam sighs, suddenly feeling exhausted. "Yeah, okay," he murmurs.

It's hard to walk, when he's been assaulted with flashes and yells and he's totally trashed, but Andy manages to smuggle him into a cab and comes home with him. He gets Liam up to his flat, both of them breathing heavily because Andy's mostly carrying Liam and Liam's almost passed out. Andy gets him into bed though, stripping him down to his boxers while Liam lies there, feeling as weak as a kitten. Andy forces him to drink a glass of water and leaves a fresh one on the nightstand, as well as some painkillers and his phone.

"Call me in the morning, okay?" Andy says quietly, standing in the doorway and looking at Liam with a sad look in his eyes that Liam can't bear to look at. "I think we should talk."

Liam waves limply and waits until he hears Andy close the door to his flat behind him.

He reaches for his phone, spinning it in his hands before he turns it on. He's got 24 texts and nine voicemails. Liam ignores all of them and opens up his twitter feed.

It takes him less than a minute to find hundreds, possibly thousands of tweets bitching about him being out clubbing again, about being too close and handsy in some of the pictures he'd posed for tonight and there's some rumour that he got in a fight with someone. He drunkenly realises that it's probably Andy, but they're best mates. They argue. It's hardly news, really.

He tries to reply to someone, but when he tweets sarcastically about not posing anymore for fans if that's what they're going to be like, twitter explodes and he's defending himself. When he finally realises it's pointless, that they're going to hate on him no matter what, he throws his phone on the floor and curls up on his side, staring unblinkingly at his bedroom wall.

Sleep eludes him for the longest time.

*

His head is throbbing. Liam reaches out an hand, connecting with a glass of water that he downs, along with the painkillers. He needs to send Andy a huge thank you and a massive apology, he thinks, if the memories of last night are even half-true. He can hear his phone vibrating against the floor and the whole twitter episode comes back to him.

He wants to cry. He wants to throw things. He wants to bury himself in his duvet and never come out again.

He wants _Harry_.

"Next time, answer your damn phone, Liam."

Liam blinks up at the doorway, wondering if he's hallucinating because Harry's standing in his bedroom doorway, looking tired and a bit annoyed, but nowhere near as angry as yesterday, dressing in sweats and a hoodie, an outfit Liam hasn't seen Harry dressed in for years.

"Come on, I've made you tea."

Harry disappears and Liam struggles out of bed. He kicks off his boxers and pulls on a pair of sweatpants but he doesn't bother with a top before he follows Harry out to the kitchen. He almost weeps when Harry hands him a steaming mug of tea, bringing it to his parched lips and sipping, even though it's still too hot.

"You're here," Liam finally says when he lowers his tea, staring at Harry like he can't quite believe it, because he _can't_.

"You needed me," Harry says simply before he takes his own sip. "Last night shouldn't have happened, Liam."

"I know," Liam says miserably, staring into his tea. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. You just looked so angry."

"Not the Skype thing," Harry says dismissively, causing Liam to glance up to see Harry staring at him. "I mean you not picking up when I called. We agreed to trust each other, right? That means you have to trust me to be there for you, and it means you can't ignore my texts or my calls."

Liam feels completely unsettled and confused. "You're ... you're not mad about the Skype thing?"

"Of course I'm not mad," Harry says, reaching out to interlace his fingers with Liam's. "Why would I be mad? You wanted it, right?"

Liam nods slowly. He can't stop the blush that steals across his cheeks because he more than wanted it. He needed it.

"And it was my suggestion anyway," Harry continues flippantly, his thumb brushing against the back of Liam's hand around his mug. "I wasn't angry, Liam. I promise. I was angry when you wouldn't pick up the phone or answer my texts. Then I saw tweets about you being at Funky Buddha, and aside from the fact that we need to talk about how there are other actual clubs in London that you can go to, I then got woken up by my phone going off with alerts from your twitter. You can't go online drunk, Liam. You just can't."

"I know," Liam says, his head dropping as he bites his lip. The thing is, he does feel bad and his head hurts and he knows he needs to apologise and he'll get more stick from the press after this, but he also feels really, really happy because Harry's here and he's not angry. He's _here_.

"So I drove down early," Harry says quietly. "Mum says hi and she'd love to come fly over to America with your parents."

The swift change of subject has Liam's head whipping up and he can see Harry's smile. He answers it with a shy one of his own. "You're staying, yeah? You promised that you'd come over and stay the night. Get takeaway and watch movies."

Harry grins at him. "Yeah, I'm staying tonight. I'm all yours."

Liam just about manages to cover the shiver that runs down his spine and he beams at Harry before he stands up to carry their mugs over to the sink. He rinses them out, placing them carefully on the drying rack, trying not to be so stupidly happy that Harry drove all the way to London early to see him.

He's about to turn around when he feels Harry plastering himself to Liam's back, pushing him against the counter. Harry's hands settle on his hips and he can feel Harry's breath tickling against his neck, warm and even. His hands fall against the counter, gripping tightly.

Harry's fingers dig into his hips, making Liam arch back into Harry, his arse rubbing against Harry's crotch. He can hear Harry biting back a gasp before he slips his hands up to press against Liam's taut belly, his thumbs stroking against Liam's toned muscles. Liam can feel them quivering, Harry's large hands almost covering his entire waist before they slide down. Liam bites back a moan as Harry's fingers push against the waistband of his sweats.

"Christ, Harry," Liam whimpers, his head falling back onto Harry's shoulder. "What-"

One of Harry's hands stays where it is, plastered across Liam's belly, holding him back against Harry, keeping them pressed together, while his other hand slides lower. Harry's hand brushes over the cotton material of his sweats, and Liam grits his teeth as Harry palms over his erection.

"Fuck," Liam swears, his body pushing back against Harry's unconsciously, almost delirious with how Harry's taking control, his mind going blank as Harry presses up against him.

"Shh," Harry murmurs in his ear, his breath tickling Liam's skin and making him tremble.

Harry's hand presses down against Liam's dick, the pressure making Liam whimper as he rolls his hips up into Harry's hand.

When Harry slips his hand into the waistband of his sweats, Liam thinks his legs are going to give out but Harry's wrapped around him, keeping him upright. Harry's hand is so much bigger than his own, and when he wraps it around Liam's straining dick, he lets out a hiss. Harry's grip is firmer than his own and he jerks Liam once, nuzzling into his neck as Liam moans loudly, his hands grasping onto the counter as he concentrates on remembering to breathe.

"Yeah?" Harry asks, his hand motionless but squeezing Liam's cock gently.

"Yeah, Hazza," Liam breathes, closing his eyes and letting his body relax back into Harry, letting Harry take his weight. Harry's hand moves carefully, like he's working out the angle. He can feel Harry jerking him slowly, getting used to the weight and the size of his dick, his thumb pressing down against his slit, making him hiss in delight.

When Harry lets go, slipping his hand away, Liam whines helplessly, his head falling forward so that he's leaning over the sink, his legs trembling and his dick aching. He feels Harry moving behind him and when he presses back against Liam, he realises Harry's removed his hoodie so they're skin to skin. Harry's hands slip back into his sweats, pushing them down so that his dick springs free, one hand reaching down to cup his balls, massaging them gently while the other takes a firm grip around his shaft and strokes more firmly this time. Liam trembles against Harry, his arms taut as they hold him upright.

Harry's thumb presses down against his slit again and Liam moans loudly as Harry starts to jerk him off. He can feel Harry's nail sliding gently against the underside of his dick and it almost sends him over the edge, but Harry loosens his grip, sliding his hand gently until Liam steadies himself. Then Harry does it all over again, bringing Liam to the edge with just a few strokes before he eases back.

When Liam's whimpering and moaning and grinding back against Harry, pleading with him, Harry's teeth nip at his neck.

"You were so good yesterday babe," Harry murmurs into his skin. Liam whines, rolling his hips up into Harry's fist. "And so bad today."

"Hazza," Liam moans, his voice hitching and broken. "Hazza, please."

"What are you going to do next time I call, Liam?" Harry asks softly.

"Answer, I'll answer, Hazza," Liam pants, rocking back against Harry's crotch. "I'll text you. I promise I won't go on twitter. I'll be so good, I swear."

"Give me your hands, babe, above your head," Harry mutters throatily. Liam moves quickly, jerking back against Harry as he lifts his hands together. Harry gathers his wrists in his hand, easily encompassing them as he leans forward, until Liam's hands are flat against the wall, Harry's hand covering them so they're slightly bent over the counter. Liam whimpers loudly, feeling Harry's dick pressed up against his arse. He desperately wants to grind back against him but he waits.

Harry's free hand jerks Liam hard until Liam freezes, his body slumping forward as he comes in Harry's fist, his hands sliding down the wall until they're clutching the counter, holding Liam up as he tries to breathe oxygen into his lungs.

He's having a really hard time adjusting to the fact that Harry's just given him a handjob. The best handjob of his life, in fact. But he's a little too blissed out to work out what kind of line they've just crossed. They keep crossing so many that Liam's forgotten how many talks they need to have, and if Harry doesn't think they need to talk about it, then Liam's fine with that. Better than fine, in fact.

Harry pulls his hands out of Liam's sweats and turns on the tap, rinsing them clean while Liam watches, still trying to breathe properly. When Harry gently places his hands on Liam's hips and turns him, there's an air of uncertainty around Harry that has Liam dropping his head onto Harry's shoulder and nuzzling into his neck.

"We need to shower," Harry murmurs, guiding Liam into his en-suite and turning the shower head on. He strips Liam of his sweats while Liam stands there shyly and watches as Harry strips off his own sweats and boxers. Harry's half-hard but he doesn't seem to mind, or want to do anything about it as he turns Liam into the shower and steps in behind him.

Liam thinks there's something intimate about sharing a shower, even after what they've just done together in his kitchen. Harry soaps up his hands and washes Liam clean, his hands gentle and caressing on Liam's body. Then he hands the shower gel to Liam. "Your turn," he whispers. Liam takes his time, making sure he's attentive and careful. He's seen Harry naked a million times before, but there's something between them now. Something they're not saying, but it's there all the same.

When he finishes, Harry dances under the spray, laughing when the water gets Liam right in the face and he splutters. Liam starts laughing too, his hands reaching out to flatten Harry's hair into his eyes and just like that, they're playfighting and it's so familiar that Liam aches, even as he flattens his palm against Harry's dick, hitting him hard enough to register but soft enough to not hurt. Harry laughs as he aims a kick towards Liam that he blocks and Harry calls an end to it before they do some real damage. Harry hands a towel to Liam as he steps out of the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist and pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"You want a towel for that hair?" Liam teases, making Harry laugh. He feels a warmth steal through him that has nothing to do with the shower and everything to do with the boy in front of him.

They get dressed, shoving and trying to trip each other up, like always. Harry makes Liam give him a piggyback to the sofa and he tugs Liam down with him until they're tangled together, Liam's head resting on Harry's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

There are times when Liam wants to ask Harry about them. He knows he’s utterly confused by what they’re doing, no matter how many times Harry reassures him. He thinks maybe he wants more, but he’s too scared to ask Harry for it. He’s too scared to ask himself how much more he wants, because he’s terrified that maybe he wants everything Harry has to give.

He trails his finger across Harry's flat tummy as Harry skips through the channels, stopping on an old cartoon that has him laughing in no time. Harry's hand finds its way into Liam's hair, stroking it back gently from his face and Liam drifts off to sleep, one hand on Harry's shoulder, the other clutching his shirt tightly.

*

They watch movies and Harry cuddles up to him like always, making Liam wonder at how they’re able to switch so easily between the friends they’ve always been to the new relationship that Liam can’t even define between them. But it’s easy. It’s almost natural. It’s almost possible to forget that Harry just gave Liam the handjob of his life just a few metres away, that Harry’s hand, the hand that’s now curled into his side, was on Liam’s dick and they both enjoyed it.

“Do you think I should tweet something?” Liam asks softly as the movie drags on.

Harry lifts his head, his eyes sleepy and his mouth curled into a pout. Laughing softly, Liam reaches up to brush his thumb across Harry’s bottom mouth. They both freeze at the same time because maybe Liam shouldn’t be doing this. But Harry relaxes first, his tongue poking out between his lips to swipe at Liam’s thumb, which has him moving away, laughing a little awkwardly as he makes a show of wiping his thumb against Harry’s shirt.

“Yeah,” Harry says finally. “Yeah, maybe apologise for drunk tweeting and then answer some questions like normal.”

Liam nods, reaching for his phone, jostling a whiny Harry as he does. When he settles back, he opens twitter and avoids looking at his mentions. He types out a sincere apology, getting Harry’s nod of approval before he tweets it. Then he answers a couple of fans as best he can.

“I’m gonna Instagram,” Harry decides as he rolls over so he can take his phone out of his back pocket. He settles back against Liam’s lap and points his phone at him. “Pose!”

Liam does his best smoulder while his heart wants to explode with absolute love for this boy in front of him who is determined to distract the internet from Liam's drunken mistake. He swats Harry’s arm when he complains but they both agree it’s a decent picture. Harry uploads it, captioning it: _two out of five ain’t bad_ despite Liam’s protests.

Within seconds, their mentions go crazy. In the middle of them is a tweet from Niall who’s inviting Louis and Zayn round for a party for the best three out of five. Liam grins and Harry protests, but Liam doesn’t let Harry respond, distracting him with a choice of takeaways, a thank you for his twitter swerve.

They stuff their faces with Thai food before they slump on opposite sofas to watch Jonathan Ross, bellies full and half asleep and definitely not talking about their sex life. Or the fact that they appear to even have a sex life to talk about.

Harry eventually surrenders and declares he’s shattered. Liam stands up and stretches before he gathers the empty takeout boxes and dumps them in the bin.

“See you in the morning,” Harry mumbles, pressing a slightly sloppy kiss against Liam’s neck and nuzzling in close for a moment before he disappears into the spare room, closing the door quietly behind him. Liam heads to his own room, quickly brushing his teeth and avoiding the shower they’d shared earlier before he strips and slips into bed.

In the morning, he wakes up to an empty flat, a croissant and half-cold coffee from the shop next to the apartment building and a text from Harry, explaining that he had to leave to meet Gemma on her break.

It’s just so bloody normal, Liam thinks as he sips his coffee, wincing while he wonders whether coffee is microwavable. Probably not, he decides finally.

*

The rest of his break is less eventful. He apologises to Andy and they go out for dinner a few times, sometimes with the rest of the lads but sometimes just the two of them. Andy doesn't bring up Liam's little rant, and Liam would rather pretend he'd never said anything, but it sits between them.

He texts Harry every day and Harry texts back, just little messages about what they're doing or who they're with. It's comfortable, Liam realises. It's nice to know that he doesn't depend on Harry for everything, even if he does miss him more than the rest of the lads and he spends too many hours on twitter, reading through Harry sightings.

He catches up with Niall over a pint, huddled in a corner booth in Niall's local. They end up getting smashed, so Liam stays over and spends the next day on Niall's sofa, playing FIFA and crowing every time he wins. He poses for another Instagram picture that Niall posts smugly, tagged with: _the best of One Direction baby!_. Half an hour later, Liam gets a text from Harry that's just a prawn tempura, a rain cloud, three crying emojis and a sad face. He sends back a rainbow, two goats and a love heart. When he gets just a kiss emoji in response, he flushes and hides his phone away before Niall can see.

Liam wakes up early on the day they're due to fly out to the US. Zayn's already out there visiting Perrie and Niall flew out the day before because he managed to wangle tickets to a Beiber concert that no one could talk him out of. He's already packed so he just jumps in and out of the shower in record time, tugs on his boxers, sweats, t-shirt and hoodie, slips on his supras and waits patiently for the driver. By the time he gets to the airport, even though it's only a 30 minute drive, he's bouncing and eager to see the boys.

Louis' already there, looking bored and sleepy. It's 5am, so Liam figures it's to be expected, but he still swoops Louis up into a big hug because he hasn't seen him in three weeks and Louis looks far too cuddly for a simple fist bump.

"Stop being so loud," Louis complains as he leans into Liam, his head dropping to Liam's shoulder as he curls his arms around him. "You're always so loud."

Liam chuckles. "Says the loudest one in the group," he teases quietly. "We'll be on the plane in 20 minutes and you can sleep for the entire eight hours."

Louis groans in appreciation. "Don't think I won't. Didn't get any sleep at home. Mum had me running around like a bloody servant, fetching the girls and making tea and cooking dinner."

"Well, it sounds like your mum enjoyed your break," Liam jokes, which earns him an elbow to the ribs.

"Hi lads," Harry's slow drawl interrupts what could have been a violent wrestle right in the middle of Heathrow's Business Class lounge.

"Harry, mate, just in time," Louis tugs him into a hug, shoving Liam aside with a grin.

Not that Liam minds all that much, because he can stare at Harry this way while Louis' not looking. Harry catches him staring and he smiles sleepily, reaching out his hand to tug Liam into the hug so they're all caught up together. Liam grins when Harry's hand slips into his hair and scratches his scalp gently.

"Time to board," Paul interrupts them briskly, grabbing three bags and leaving them to gather up the rest of their stuff. Louis steals the window seat as usual and Harry and Liam choose the middle seats where they can snuggle up together.

"Hands where I can see them boys," Louis teases as they all snuggle under their blankets. It's Louis' usual catcall when they fly but this time Liam blushes faintly, turning his head towards Harry and away from Louis' too sharp eyes.

"He'll be asleep in a minute and then watch out," Harry says solemnly before he cracks up, waggling his hands in front of Liam who laughs reluctantly.

"You're such a weirdo," Liam says fondly, kicking Harry gently.

"We both know you want my hands on you babe," Harry whispers and Liam goes bright red, his eyes wide as he quickly glances around to make sure no one overhead him.

"Harry!" Liam whispers back, mortified. But Harry's laughing and tugging Liam into a hug. "Shut up!"

"But you look so adorable when you blush like that," Harry whispers back and Liam belatedly realises that Harry's hands are indeed sneaking under his shirt. He tries to wriggle away, very aware of where they are but Harry locks his arms around Liam and shakes his head. "Liam, stay still."

Liam's mind goes blank as he falls lax against Harry, looking up at him with soft eyes and curved lips. "Okay, Hazza."

Liam watches Harry glance over at Louis, who seems to be half asleep already with his earphones in, flight socks on and blanket wrapped around him as he's curled up in his seat, face turned towards the shuttered window.

"C'mere," Harry mutters, burying his head into Liam's shoulder as Liam nuzzles against him. "Missed you, you big stupid idiot."

"Sounds like it," Liam says feeling stupidly happily, holding on tightly. He's very aware that Harry's tracing his fingers across Liam's bare back. "Missed you too."

They fall into each other, Harry slotting his legs over Liam's and shifting so he can lie half across him. Liam grins to himself because it's so familiar and he's got an armful of Harry and he smells the same and he feels the same and it's wonderful, he thinks drowsily before he drops off to sleep.

"Come on, Sleeping Beauties."

Louis loud, sharp tone has Liam bolting upright, his hand reaching for his neck before he's even properly awake because it _aches_. He gives Harry a gentle shove to wake him up, although if he didn't wake up at Louis' yell then Liam's going to have to do more than poke at him to wake him up. Liam reaches over to shake him awake.

"S'up?" Harry mutters, blinking awake.

"Landed," Liam says softly. Harry smiles up at him before they realise Louis is staring at them, eyebrows knitted.

"C'mon," he says a little tersely. "Let's get this jetlag out of the way."

*

It's the easiest thing in the world to fall back into being a group. Sometimes it's overwhelming and sometimes they all feel the need to escape, but when they're all pulled back together, it just feels right.

Liam resumes his regular training sessions with Mark, spending his mornings getting sweaty and seeing his body change on a weekly basis. He gets leaner, stronger, his muscles develop and he feels better. It's always been this way, the better Liam feels about his body, the stronger he feels physically, the better he feels inside. After a good training session, Liam always hits the showers then goes on the prowl to find someone to play with. Niall's good for jamming and chilling, when Liam needs to wind down. Zayn's good for disappearing with, so it's just the two of them and they can pretend the whole world has faded away. Louis is good for being loud and burning off energy, or bouncing off song lyrics or suggestions for onstage antics. He always makes sure he never spends too much time with one of them over the others, because he's been there and he knows it's awful, even though they're too close now to even think that they're playing favourites. But he still keeps an eye on himself, just in case.

Except now there's Harry. Harry's spending more time on the bus than he did on their last tour, so whenever Liam steps out of the shower, Harry's there, either playing on his phone or sending an email, reading a book or talking to the other boys or Lou. And it's the second easiest thing in the world to do, falling into Harry and letting Harry drape his arm around Liam's shoulders.

"So Liam," Louis asks when they're crashed around the tour bus, Louis draped across Zayn who's trying to read but Louis keeps distracting him. And Niall's sitting in the corner, strumming a few chords over and over again, while Liam is lying across a sofa, his head in Harry's lap. "You wanna share the story of your fight with Andy and the drunk tweeting that followed?"

Liam stiffens, because no, he absolutely does _not_ want to share that story. He doesn't want to share a single second of that story.

"Not now, Lou," Harry says quietly, not looking up from his phone as he carries on stroking Liam's hair. "Leave him alone."

Louis springs up, flushed and prickly as he stares at them. Liam turns and sees Zayn trying to rub Louis' arm and bring him back onto the sofa, but Louis shakes him off. "Why don't you ever let Liam speak? What's going on with you two?"

Liam curls up slightly and Harry murmurs a quick 'relax' under his breath that Liam tries to obey. "Liam speaks all the time," Harry says calmly, glancing up at Louis with a raised eyebrow. "Can't get him to shut up normally. But a blind person could see Liam doesn't want to talk about it. And if Liam doesn't want to talk about it, we should respect that."

"Fuck that," Louis argues back as Niall sighs and puts down his guitar, leaning forward to place his hand on Louis' back. "Since when have we been a band that respects each other's boundaries?"

"Since you pushed Zayn too far that time and you nearly came to blows?" Harry says, his voice taking on a slight edge as he slides his phone into his pocket. Liam sits up, eyebrows knitted as he stares up at Louis, inching closer to Harry until he's curled up into his side.

"See! That's what I'm talking about!" Louis gestures towards them, looking confused more than anything. "What's going on with you two?"

"Perhaps Liam needs someone to fight his battles _for_ him," Harry says, starting to sound angry as he brushes his thumb soothingly against Liam's arm. "Rather than pick fights _with_ him."

"Liam's never needed anyone to fight his battles for him," Louis scoffs, his whole face reflecting his incredulousness.

"Louis," Harry says, drawing everyone's attention because he sounds angry, and Liam can't quite remember the last time Harry really lost his temper. But his eyes are flashing and his mouth is tight. Liam's mesmerised and oh fuck he's turned on. "Back off. I'm warning you."

"Okay, everyone," Zayn says, quelling Louis with a sharp look. Louis looks mutinous but he sits back down, letting Zayn tug him into a one-armed cuddle as Niall picks up his guitar and settles at Louis' feet.

Liam tries to subtly press his hand down against his crotch, but Harry frowns down at him. When Harry's glance moves lower, his eyes widen slightly as he sees Liam's hard, his dick tenting in his sweats. Harry bites his lip, making it shiny and red almost instantly, which makes Liam want to moan but he keeps it in somehow. They both look over to the rest of the lads, but Zayn's whispering in Louis ear, Louis has his eyes closed and Niall's concentrating on his guitar.

"C'mon," Harry mutters, grabbing Liam's hand and standing up, shielding him from the others' view just in case. Then he shoves Liam out of the room and keeps pushing until they're in the bathroom. Liam turns as he hears the door's lock slide into place, feeling Harry's hands on his hips as he's being pushed back against the wall and Harry's kissing him. Gentle at first, just Harry's lips pressed against his, like Harry's testing Liam's reaction, but Liam wants more, fisting his hands around Harry's shirt at the back, trying to bring him closer.

Harry shifts, spreading his legs a little so they can both slide their legs between each others. But he doesn't deepen the kiss, just pressing soft little kisses against Liam's lips until they're both breathless and Christ, they're _both_ hard.

Harry's hands cup Liam's face, angling him slightly as Harry slides his tongue against Liam's lips, teasing until Liam opens up, a whimper escaping his lips that Harry captures, their tongues sliding together as Harry lets out his own moan which goes straight to Liam's dick and makes his hips jerk up.

It's different, Liam thinks as he lets his head fall back and Harry trails kisses down his throat before he bites down gently on Liam's collarbone and makes his way back up his warm neck. He's not sure if it's different because he's kissing a boy (more scratchy against his skin, a bit more physical because there's muscle against him rather than the soft curves he's more used to, there's a fucking dick pressing against his own) or because he's kissing Harry (soft curly hair brushing against his skin, the smell of citrus filling his lungs, and it's _Harry_ ) but he likes it. He likes it so much.

"Fuck," he hears Harry murmur against his lips. "You taste so fucking good, Li."

Liam kisses him hard, his hands sliding under Harry's shirt as he presses his fingers into Harry's skin and drags them up and down his back. "More," he demands breathlessly.

"Yeah." Harry sucks on Liam's bottom lip before he bites down hard, moving back to watch it turn bright red and plump up before he dives in again to kiss him, his hands roaming around Liam's body, his thumb brushing little circles against his skin that drive Liam mad.

"I want more," Liam whimpers, pressing quick kisses to Harry's lips that make Harry laugh as they chase each other's mouths. "Harry, please."

"I know," Harry whispers, rolling his hips against Liam's, making them both groan as their cocks slide together through their jeans. It's not enough, Liam thinks desperately. It's not nearly enough, not when he's so close. When _they're_ so close. "We can't, Liam. Not here. The others, they're, like, in the next room."

Liam shakes his head but Harry places his hands gently on Liam's face, holding him in place. Harry hushes him with careful, sweet kisses to his cheeks and his lips until Liam's burying his face into Harry's shoulder, the shift so natural now, trying to breathe deeply to calm his racing heart.

"Harry, what are we doing?" Liam whispers finally, the words falling out of his mouth before he can take them back. Not that he really wants to, he realises. It's been playing on his mind for weeks now, just hovering over them.

Harry stares at him, unblinking. But Liam can see the confusion clouding his eyes. He knows that feeling because it's mirrored in his own. Harry eases closer, closing his eyes as he kisses Liam long and slow. It's drugging and clouds Liam's mind until he can't think of anything but Harry.

"I'm taking care of you," Harry says finally when he pulls back with a lopsided smile. "Just like you wanted."

Liam's not entirely sure this was what he wanted when he asked Harry to be there for him. But he's absolutely certain that it is now.

"We need to go back," Harry sighs, reaching out to brush his thumb against Liam's cheek. "Your face is all red."

"You're prickly," Liam points out with a laugh, rubbing his jaw gently and wincing.

"You're pricklier," Harry returns, rubbing his own jaw with a grin. "Felt nice."

Liam settles his hands back on Harry's hips and tugs him in for a quick, tentative kiss that Harry smiles into. "Yeah. Felt really nice."

"C'mon, let's go back." Harry moves back and straightens out his clothing, checking in the mirror that he doesn't look like Liam's just had his hands all over him before he pulls Liam forward, tugging on his shirt and fixing his hair for him. Liam stands patiently, a smile playing on his lips as Harry spends forever on his hair until Liam gives him a gentle shove that almost has Harry stumbling over before he catches himself.

"Heyyy!" Harry laughs as he looks back over his shoulder and Liam freezes for a second because Harry looks fucking gorgeous and he's just been kissing him and suddenly it's all too much. He must look pale or something because Harry's face drops and he looks concerned. "Liam?"

Liam shakes his head and smiles, pressing his hand against Harry's back and urging him forward. "Nothing, Harry. It's nothing."

Harry's eyes narrow but he lets Liam push him towards the others. Harry drops back down on the sofa he was on before while Liam heads straight for Louis. Zayn catches his eye and moves away, slipping away to join Harry on the opposite sofa while Liam falls onto Louis, laughing as Louis grumbles loudly but Louis' hands grip him tightly as they wrestle together, Liam going for a nipple twist that has Louis yelling and vowing revenge that only ends when Liam surrenders and lets Louis do what he likes. When Liam's suitably bruised and his tummy hurts from laughing so much, he slips onto the floor next to Niall and hums along to the songs he strums on his guitar.

Almost an hour later, after Zayn and Harry have stopped whispering together and Liam's half-asleep on Niall's shoulder with Zayn lying down on the sofa behind them, fast asleep, Niall nudges him gently and points towards Harry. He's talking quietly with Louis, their hands entwined and leaning in towards each other, foreheads touching. Harry looks serious but Louis looks like he's going to laugh, and when he does two seconds later, it's loud and beautiful. Liam catches Harry's eye and they grin at each other, silent messages passing between them. And maybe, Liam thinks, a silent promise too.

*

On the night of their first show in America, Harry goes missing. It's not unusual for Harry to disappear sometimes, and they've always assumed it has something to do with his nerves, so they've never really asked. But he always appears, half-dressed and running around like a loon with five minutes to go before they have to be on stage.

Liam's playing football in the halls with Louis, and Niall is off somewhere with Josh expending some energy and he thinks Zayn's with Lou getting his hair done.

"I'm bored!" Louis yells as he kicks the ball away in frustration. Liam sighs and checks his watch. They've still got another hour before show time and it's always around this time, like clockwork, that Louis gets anxious and his own kind of stage fright. Not that he'll ever admit it, but the boys know and he knows they know. But it stays silent between them and it works, somehow. "Let's go find Niall and Zayn and play hide and seek!"

"What, are we five?" Liam grumbles but he starts moving through the hall anyway because whatever Louis needs, he'll do. He's always been lucky enough to not really suffer with stage fright so he's always happy to do whatever the boys want to do to take their minds off it.

"I'll go get Niall, you find Zayn!" Louis yells over his shoulder as he takes off, one hand on his beanie as he disappears around the corner.

It takes five minutes to round up Zayn, Niall, Josh and Jon for a quick game. Louis declares himself seeker and the boys race off, shoving each other as they try and find a decent hiding place.

Liam finds himself in some rooms he'd not seen in the quick stadium tour they'd had earlier and he pads through in the dark, eyes adjusting as he tries to figure out whether he'd be better to hide under a table or in a cupboard. He finally decides on the cupboard when he feels a hand close around his arm. Turning quickly, he flashes a relieved if concerned smile at Harry, who looks a bit pale and a bit sick, to be honest.

"Hey," Liam says gently, as if Harry's going to spook if he speaks too loudly. "Alright?"

Harry nods, staying silent as he considers Liam, his hand still gripping Liam's arm tightly.

"Louis wanted to play hide and seek," Liam explains, still in that gentle tone. "Do you want me to find somewhere else to hide?"

Harry's gaze narrows but he doesn't nod or shake his head. And he stays silent.

"Harry?" Liam's starting to get worried by Harry's silence. "Do you need something? Do you want me to go? Do you want me to go get someone else?"

"Liam," Harry says in a low voice that goes straight through Liam, his spine stiffening as his eyes drop to Harry's mouth helplessly. "Stop talking."

Liam keeps his mouth firmly closed as Harry pushes him back until his back hits the cold wall. His hands are trembling as they stay firmly by his side while Harry's hands slowly slip under his vest, pinning him back against the wall. Liam recognises that voice. It makes his knees weak and his head spin, because Harry's in control.

Harry dips his head, pressing his lips against Liam's collarbone. Liam tips his head back to give Harry better access, curling his fingers into his palm as he wills himself not to move. Harry's lips brush back and forth against his skin, lighting fires across his body as he leaves gentle kisses across his chest. Liam's itching to move, to get his hands on Harry but he can't, not until Harry tells him that he can.

"You always taste so good," Harry murmurs as he trails kisses up Liam's neck, nipping at his jaw playfully. "You wanna taste me?"

Liam nods slowly, his eyes pleading with Harry as he stares back.

"So pretty," Harry says quietly as he lifts his hand to stroke Liam's cheek, trailing his finger across Liam's jawline. "You're so good like this, Liam. So well behaved."

Liam's eyes follow Harry as he glances down and grins wickedly in a way that has Liam's mouth tightening with the effort it's taking him to stay still and silent. "Christ, Liam. You make me absolutely crazy, you know that?"

Liam shakes his head once, his bottom lip slipping between his teeth as he bites down hard enough to draw blood.

"You're the best distraction," Harry murmurs, his hand sliding down from Liam's hip to cover his erection, pressing down carefully until Liam lets out a hiss and he bucks his hips up, unable to stop himself. "Uh uh. No moving, babe."

Liam closes his eyes and forces himself to take some deep breaths until he feels a little more in control. When he thinks he's calmer, he looks up to see Harry staring at his lips. "This is crazy," Harry says, and Liam wants to ask him why, why is it crazy when it feels so brilliant. "Keep completely still, babe. Don't move, or speak."

Liam locks himself in as Harry lifts Liam's arms above his head, pinning them against the wall. Liam blinks at him, his eyes soft and drowsy with need. He's aching hard and wants nothing more than to roll his hips against Harry's, but waiting is too sweet. Harry's hands grip his wrists tightly, applying more and more pressure until Liam's head lolls back, his body going lax as Harry holds him up and presses kisses against his exposed neck. "So beautiful, babe. What am I going to do with you?"

Liam stifles a moan, not letting it past his lips.

"You can speak now," Harry whispers in his ear and Liam starts babbling absolute nonsense but he thinks he's trying to say Harry's name as well as a few curse words and he's pretty certain he says the words 'please' and 'now' a lot.

Harry shuts him up with a long, drugging kiss that Liam eagerly returns. It's familiar now, the feel of Harry's soft lips against his, the way he slips his tongue against Liam's, sliding into his mouth and almost fucking into it, driving Liam absolutely crazy. He's still holding onto Liam's hands, even as Liam struggles against him, frantic to get his hands on Harry. But Harry holds tight and Liam can feel that Harry's as turned on as he is, whenever Harry presses hard against him.

The thing is, Liam knows he's stronger than Harry. But Harry's pretty strong himself and Liam likes to feel small against him. He likes to feel weaker and vulnerable. He likes it when Harry manhandles him a little.

God he really, really likes Harry. He likes the way Harry touches him and the way Harry kisses him. He likes the way Harry rolls his hips so carefully against his and he likes the little gasping noises Harry makes when Liam touches him. And Liam's absolutely breathless because he's just realised that perhaps Harry needs this thing between them as much as Liam does.

"We should probably get back," Harry says, his breathing a little heavy as he breaks the kiss. Liam whimpers gently, nuzzling against his neck in a vain attempt to make Harry kiss him again but Harry just smiles sweetly at him and brushes his hand through Liam's hair.

He looks like he wants to say something so Liam waits, knowing Harry will speak in his own time. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down as they'd due out on stage in about twenty minutes and he can't go out there with a boner. He just can't.

Not to mention Louis is probably still looking for them and shit, he could have walked in at any moment and Liam wouldn't have even noticed, focused as he was on Harry.

"We're in a hotel tonight," Harry says eventually. His eyes are warm and gentle on Liam's as they watch each other carefully. "Do you wanna stay in my room?"

"Are you asking or telling me?" Liam wants to know, even though the answer is the same either way.

Harry takes his time though, clearly sorting some thoughts out in his own mind before he speaks. "I think we both need it," he answers, and that's enough for Liam. He slips his hand into Harry's and squeezes, glancing up at him quickly just to make sure it's okay and getting a quick kiss on the lips in response. They make their way to the door slowly, hands linked until Harry pushes the door open, hands falling apart as they step into the hallway and walk together towards the staging area to do a final check and their pre-show ritual huddle.

They share a final look full of promises before madness descends upon them, with Louis grabbing at Liam, demanding to know where he'd been hiding and outraged that Louis didn't find him, while Zayn tucks Harry into his shoulder. Liam tries to concentrate on Louis, shoving him away playfully, but all he can think about is that hotel room and Harry's promise.

*

Liam's giggling into his hand, trying to keep quiet as Harry's trying to open the door to his room. Liam's got his hands up Harry's shirt, on a high from the show and the fact that he's spending the night in Harry's room. His fingers are tickling Harry's sides, making him squirm while he tries to get the key to work. "You're gonna pay for that in a minute, Liam," Harry mutters darkly as he finally gets the door open. "Aha!"

"You promise?" Liam whispers in his ear, feeling brave and a bit confident.

Harry groans as they stumble inside, slamming the door behind them before Harry grabs Liam and attacks his mouth, his tongue fucking into Liam's mouth as they both groan. "Too many clothes," Harry mutters as he tugs Liam's hem up, moving back to get it over Liam's head, his eyes lighting up as they roam over Liam's toned physique. "Christ, Liam. Your fucking body."

"Wanna see yours," Liam gasps as he tugs Harry's t-shirt over his head, letting it fall to the floor unnoticed as he stares at Harry's body. He's seen it a million times before. He knows where the butterfly is, has traced the swallows countless times while they've watched movies in bed together but this time it's different. This time has meaning. This time, Liam wants to run his tongue over every tattooed inch of Harry's body until Harry's squirming with as much need as Liam feels right now.

His hand reaches for Harry's fly, Harry helping him until they've got his jeans and boots off and Liam can see he's half hard. He wriggles out of his own jeans until they're standing in the middle of Harry's hotel room, only in their boxers and Liam kind of wants to giggle at how ridiculous this is except he kind of wants to get into Harry's boxers too. And that's not ridiculous at all.

"Liam?" Harry holds out his hand, his gaze questioning as Liam looks up.

"Hazza," Liam says clearly as he puts his hand into Harry's trustingly.

Harry gives him a quick nod as he walks back to the bed and sits down, shuffling until his back is against the headboard, tugging Liam until he's settled between Harry's legs, draped across him.

"What's your safeword, babe?" Harry asks softly as he strokes Liam's back soothingly.

"Harold," Liam answers faithfully.

"You can say it whenever you want," Harry says firmly. "Don't be scared, okay?"

"Okay, Harry," Liam agrees easily. He's pretty sure he's not going to need it, but his heart swells a little anyway. As much as Liam likes it when Harry takes charge, he likes it just as much when Harry looks after him.

Harry gives him a final look, one that maybe says Harry's unsure and perhaps they really should talk about this first but neither of them has backed away yet and maybe that's enough.

He tips Liam's head back until he can kiss him, and Liam finds it all too easy to lose himself in Harry. Harry hasn't told him no, so he lets his hands drift over Harry's body, his fingers tracing tattoos blindly from memory. Harry kisses him deep until they're both panting into each other's mouths and Liam's pressing Harry into the mattress.

"Liam," Harry says firmly and Liam lifts himself up onto his elbows, taking his entire weight off Harry as he flushes. "So good. You want to touch me babe?"

Liam nods shyly as Harry pushes him down slightly. Liam smiles at Harry's chest before he leans down to kiss each of the swallows, letting his lips suck on each one a little before he trails down to kiss the butterfly, his finger tracing the wings while he takes his time and lets his tongue swirl around Harry's chest. Harry tastes like salt and citrus and Liam just wants more. He wriggles down Harry's body, licking and kissing his way down Harry's torso as Harry buries his hands in Liam's hair, twisting his fingers so that he's got a good grip and he tugs gently every now and again, making Liam moan against Harry's skin each time.

His lips slide across the waistband of Harry's boxers and he can feel Harry hard against his body.

"Liam, what's your safeword?"

Liam shakes his head. "Hazza," he whispers, dragging the word out hoarsely as he trails his fingers across the cotton material of Harry's black briefs, his fingers ghosting across Harry's straining cock.

"Take them off, babe," Harry says, his voice harder and thinner somehow. Liam's distracted by Harry's cock, revealing it inch by inch as he peels the boxers down. He pauses when Harry springs free. He's seen Harry's dick a million times before because he's not shy in the slightest, but this is the first time he's seen Harry hard. Because of him.

The thought has him pulling the boxers down Harry's thighs and all the way off before he's kneeling by Harry's feet, hands on his thighs as he stares up at Harry, who's spreading his legs wider and watching Liam carefully. "You can touch me, Liam."

Liam licks his lips, wetting them painstakingly before he slides his hands off his thighs and onto Harry's ankles, squeezing gently. His hands skate up Harry's calves and pausing on his knees as Liam shifts until he's hunched down, his face buried between Harry's legs. He presses gentle kisses up the inside of Harry's thighs and hears Harry's groans, making him smile as he moves up until he's lying against the bed, hands on Harry's hips and mouth salivating at the sight of Harry's dick. It looks like it's throbbing painfully, Liam thinks as he reaches out a tentative hand and closes around the shaft, hearing Harry hiss at the contact.

He's big, Liam thinks blankly as he stares up at Harry and waits patiently.

Harry carefully slots his hands back through Liam's hair and pulls him up. Liam rests up on his elbows before Harry strokes his cheek as Liam's eyelids flutter shut. He can feel Harry's hand on the back of his head, pushing him down carefully and he opens his mouth wide. The feel of Harry's tip in his mouth makes his eyes fly open and he can feel Harry pausing but he shakes his head quickly until he feels Harry pushing him down again. Harry's cock feels heavy on Liam's tongue and he tastes like sweat and sex. It takes him a second to get used to the taste but he quickly decides that he likes it a lot because it's Harry's taste and Liam wants more.

Liam lets his tongue swirl around Harry, lapping him cautiously until he's more comfortable and he closes his eyes again, wrapping his lips around Harry's cock until he gets some suction then he sucks hard, his tongue running up and down Harry slowly. He feels Harry's hips jerk up and he gags slightly. But he shakes his head again when Harry tries to pull back in response, his hands gripping Harry's hips harder as if to hold him there.

"You're so good, babe." Liam's eyes roll back as he whimpers around Harry's cock and he starts to bob his head, sliding his slick tongue up and down Harry, desperate to taste more of him. Trying to remember what he most enjoyed about blowjobs he's had in the past, Liam lets his tongue press against Harry's tip, tasting his slit and moaning happily when he licks Harry's precum, moving a hand from Harry's hip to grip the base of his cock as Liam slathers attention to his tip, sucking and licking and moaning with each tiny, jerking thrust of Harry's hips into Liam's mouth.

"You look so gorgeous, Liam," Harry murmurs, his fingers tugging on Liam's hair gently. Liam's eyes fly open and he lifts his head slightly to look at Harry, flushed and bright-eyed as he stares back at Liam. He keeps eye contact as he stops moving his hand and whimpers, his mouth full of Harry's cock. Harry takes the hint and pushes down gently. Liam tries to loosen up his throat. He can feel Harry stretching his mouth until he's dribbling saliva down Harry's cock and Harry keeps pushing down until Liam can't take anymore. He's got most of Harry in his mouth though and Harry looks utterly fucked but Liam craves more. His body's on fire and with every moan Harry makes, Liam feels himself getting harder until it aches. He bobs up and down faster, making sure he gets as much of Harry down his throat as he can, still watching Harry as he starts to stiffen underneath Liam. Liam whimpers helplessly, rocking his own hips down against the mattress in search of relief as Harry throws his head back, his hand tugging at Liam's hair to pull him back, making Liam groan in satisfaction and he pulls off just in time, Harry's come spurting out hot and thick as his hips rock up, landing on Liam's chest as he quickly wraps his hand around Harry's cock and wanks him through his orgasm, feeling the hot, sticky come against his skin and feeling utterly proud. Harry looks hot and sweaty, his curls plastered against his head, a beautiful sheen to his deepening tan as he looks utterly wrecked, and Liam grins to himself, pressing kisses to Harry's hips while he comes down.

Eventually Harry pushes his hand away from his cock and he pulls Liam up until he's laid out across Harry's chest. Liam winces as he feels the come slide against Harry but Harry doesn't seem to mind. Liam flinches away from Harry's seeking kiss, conscious that he probably doesn't taste very nice right now and wonders if he can quickly brush his teeth, when Harry lets out a low growl that has Liam opening his mouth obediently. When Harry licks into his mouth, tasting himself, he lets out a low moan that goes straight to Liam's dick and he finds himself not caring about what he tastes like because Harry tastes amazing and he's just given his blowjob and Harry seemed to like it a lot. Harry pets his head between kisses and Liam nestles in as close as he can get, curling his body into Harry's. He's suddenly feeling very sleepy and he wonders if Harry would mind if he just slept here tonight.

"You tired, babe?" Harry says into the silence, his voice deep and rough.

Liam's not sure what the right answer is so he keeps quiet.

"I think you deserve a reward after that," Harry whispers, his hand pressing against Liam's sticky chest, sliding down over his belly until he slips into Liam's boxers, closing his fist around Liam's very interested cock. "Your mouth is so beautiful, babe. It looks all red and bruised."

Liam tilts his head up for a kiss, sighing happily as Harry obliges, his hand moving slowly as he carefully jerks Liam off. "Was that your first time, babe?"

Liam nods, his eyes downcast as he wonders if Harry really did enjoy it after all, or whether it was obvious that it was Liam's first time and it was actually really terrible.

"Hey," Harry murmurs, forcing Liam to look up at him. "It was amazing. Best blowjob I've ever had, babe. You were so good, Liam. So pretty with my cock in your mouth, Christ you have no idea how amazing you looked or how good it felt."

Liam whimpers, jerking forward to press his lips against Harry's as he reaches down to wriggle out of his boxers. Harry kisses him slowly as his hand continues its maddeningly slow pace until Liam's writhing and whimpering and begging Harry to make him come.

"You're so beautiful like this," Harry says in wonder as Liam flushes, his eyes eager and his hips rolling into Harry's fist.

He thumbs over Liam's slit, making his jerk and cry out because he's so sensitive and he thinks he might just come from anticipation, the way Harry's dragging his orgasm out.

"Please Harry," Liam begs, his hips jerking rhythmically. "Please please please."

"Shh," Harry whispers, his hand squeezing up Liam's dick and twisting right at the tip. "I'll look after you babe."

"I know," Liam whimpers, arching his back as he feels his orgasm nearing. "You're so good at looking after me."

Harry's eyes flicker as he leans down to press a hard kiss against Liam's lips, thrusting his tongue into Liam's mouth as he speeds up his strokes. Liam's body locks up tight as he shudders and he releases into Harry's hand, sobbing in relief as his orgasm rocks his body. When he falls limply against Harry, he's vaguely aware that Harry's pulling away. There's running water and a damp cloth cleaning him up before Harry slides into bed, pulling Liam in close and curling around him until Liam feels utterly protected.

"Can I sleep here tonight Harry?" Liam asks throatily, almost asleep as he rests his hand against Harry's taut chest.

"Not letting you go anywhere," he hears Harry mutter thickly before he drifts off to sleep, wrapping up in Harry.

*

Liam wakes up slowly, warm and drowsy as he opens his eyes to find Harry's arm wrapped around him, their chests pressed together and legs twisted together. Last night comes flooding back to him and he takes a breath as it settles inside of him.

"Hey," Harry croaks, his voice husky and sleep-hewn as Liam lifts his gaze. "Morning."

"Morning," Liam responds quietly.

Harry gives him a long look before he sighs, flopping back against the mattress and pulling Liam half on top of him. Liam leans up on his elbow and Harry takes his other hand, pressing it against Harry's chest. Liam smiles brightly as his fingers trace Harry's tattoos slowly.

"I guess we should talk about all this," Harry says slowly, rubbing Liam's back like he's anchoring them together.

Liam nods quickly in agreement, biting his lip nervously.

"You like this, being with me like this, right?" Harry asks, his hand stilling on Liam's back. When Liam nods shyly, Harry grins and his hand starts smoothing down Liam's back again. "And I like being with you like this."

Liam flushes but he can't stop his smile. Harry laughs and drops a quick kiss on Liam's lips, laughing again when Liam pouts and chases his mouth. "Not yet, babe," Harry says fondly and Liam leans back, still looking put out. "And you like, you know, me controlling you when we're doing this stuff, yeah?"

"Yeah, Harry," Liam says, a touch gruffly as he shifts uncomfortably. "I really like it."

"Hey, me too," Harry says, his hand slipping from Liam's back around his body to tilt Liam's face up so Harry can see him. "I really like it, Liam. Tell me what else you like, babe."

"I like it when you call me pretty and gorgeous," Liam says bravely, his face flaming.

"Yeah, I noticed," Harry teases ever-so-gently. "I like the way you look when I compliment you."

Liam knows he's doing that stupid crinkly-eyed smile that Louis teases him about but he can't help it. "I like it when you hold me down so I can't move. And I like it when you push me around. And I really like it when you tell me what to do," he says quickly.

"I can do that," Harry says, his thumb brushing Liam's hot cheek. "I like doing all that. I can do, like, more if you want."

"Yeah," Liam says eagerly, licking his dry lips. "Yeah, that'd be okay."

"And like, just so you know," Harry says, drawing Liam closer, "I'm not doing this with anyone else. Like, any of it."

"Me neither," Liam whispers, staring at Harry's lips. "I'm not seeing anyone else. Don't want to, really."

Harry places his hand on Liam's chest and pushes him back slowly until he's lying on his back and Harry scoots over to straddle him. Liam's hands settle on Harry's hips as Harry tilts his head and gives him a considering look.

"You look so cute in the mornings, Leeeyum," Harry says softly, his hands reaching down to stroke Liam's belly. He feels his muscles contract under Harry's touch and he holds his breath, waiting. "Always thought so, but now I can tell you. You look all rumpled and sleepy and soft. It's pretty irresistible."

Liam waits for Harry to lean all the way down, not moving as Harry pauses just millimetres away from his lips, the wait dragging on until Liam's body is throbbing and he's staring at Harry's lips like a starving man.

"What do you say, Liam?" Harry asks, his breath on Liam's lips making him shiver.

"Please, Hazza," Liam whimpers, his fingers itching to dig into Harry's skin and leave a mark but he can't. Not unless Harry says he can, so he keeps his hold loose.

"Good boy," Harry smiles as he leans all the way in and kisses Liam. Liam's breath hitches as he kisses Harry back. It's wet and sloppy and god Liam's hard already with Harry's hips pressing down against his. He wants to touch so badly but he holds off, the thrill of waiting and getting Harry's approval outweighing his need to lay his hands on Harry's body.

A knock at the door startles both of them into freezing, before Harry relaxes and starts giggling, reaching down to tickle Liam until he starts laughing quietly too.

"Harry?" Niall's voice floats through the door. "Have you seen Liam? He's not in his room and he's not with Mark."

"He's in here!" Harry says brightly. "Won't leave me alone."

"Cool," Niall yells back. "Tell him we're playing footie in half an hour if he wants. Me, Louis and a few of the crew."

"Will do!" Harry shouts before he grins down at Liam. "Well, Liam. Guess we need to get up and have breakfast before you get all hot and sweaty on the pitch."

"Or I could stay here," Liam says quietly, almost under his breath as he stares up at Harry hopefully.

Harry kisses him until Liam's panting and straining up against Harry to get closer. "No, I think you should play football and go burn off some of that excess energy you always have. I'm going out with Lou, anyway."

Liam can't help the overwhelming wave of disappointment that sweeps over him. He's a little scared of how much he wants to always be with Harry, but if Harry wants him to go play football, then that's what he'll do.

"And if you're very good, we'll find some time later, yeah? Just the two of us," Harry promises huskily.

Liam's face brightens immediately, making Harry laugh. "Christ you're so eager, babe. So ready. It's, like, Christ why haven't we been doing this for the past three years?"

"Dunno," Liam answers, trying to give it some honest thought, until Harry climbs off of him, leaving him feeling bereft and a little lonely.

"C'mon, go back to your room and get ready," Harry orders him. "And have breakfast before you go."

"Yes Harry," Liam says dutifully as he climbs out of bed and starts dressing. He's about to leave when Harry comes up behind him, spinning him around and slamming him back into the hotel door. He plasters himself against Liam, kissing him hard and deep, his hands roaming around Liam's body until they're both panting and Liam's so fucking hard. Harry reaches down and palms him quickly, causing Liam's hips to jerk up as he groans into Harry's mouth.

"Shit," Harry mumbles, breaking the kiss and leaning his forehead against the door as Liam slumps into his shoulder. His hand rubs harder through Liam's jeans, the friction delicious as Liam starts mouthing sloppily at Harry's neck.

Liam grinds up against Harry, his whole body on fire as Harry shoves him back again, his back thumping against the door and his mind goes white and his body boneless, his hands gripping the doorframe tightly to keep himself upright.

"So gorgeous," Harry groans as he rubs against Liam's crotch. "Come on, Liam. Come, yeah?"

To his surprise, Liam does, hard and uncomfortable against his boxers until they're soaked and sticky.

"Fuck, that's so fucking hot," Harry says, staring down at his damp hand, still rubbing Liam through his jeans gently. "That's amazing."

"You?" Liam asks unsteadily, eyes closed as he tries to catch his breath.

"No," Harry says grimly. "Fuck, I was only going to tease you a bit. It kind of got out of hand."

"Yeah," Liam says dryly and Harry grins at him.

"You are driving me absolutely crazy, Liam James Payne," Harry says with a sigh as he kisses him gently on the cheek. "I'm going to do my best to drive you just as crazy."

"You already do," Liam whispers before Harry shoves him out of the door with a blazing look that has Liam already looking forward to later.

He manages to get back to his room without being spotted and he showers and eats some of the complimentary fruit left in his room, remembering Harry's order, before Niall's knocking on his door.

They spend the whole morning playing, enjoying absolute privacy for once until they're shattered and Niall begs off, waving at his knees and pleading with Louis for mercy.

"Weak, Nialler," Louis grumbles with a shake of his head, but Niall just grins and races off towards the hotel, chasing Josh and leaving Louis to sling his arm around Liam's shoulders as they follow at a slower pace. "So, Payno."

"Tommo," Liam returns easily, slipping his arm around Louis' waist and tugging him a bit closer as they walk. "What's up?"

"You and Harry," Louis says quietly. Liam looks across at him and sees nothing but concern on his face. "Don't tell me that nothing's going on between you two."

Unsure how to respond, Liam lets the silence drag between them until they're almost at the hotel. "It's complicated," he says finally, and something in his tone must reach Louis because he pats Liam's arm like he understands. Which is crazy, Liam thinks with a silent laugh because he doesn't understand and he's pretty sure Harry doesn't understand either. "Just like, let us sort it out together, yeah? We'll explain when like, we understand it."

Louis gives him a hard look before he reaches over to tweak Liam's nipple, crowing when Liam's too distracted by talk of Harry to defend himself. "Too slow, Payno. Better work on your reflexes, mate. It's a long tour."

Liam groans but he follows Louis into the elevator, arms crossed carefully across his chest as Louis grins at him.

While he expects attacks from Louis on his body, and he kind of loves it because he loves Louis' attention and he enjoys the constant awareness he has to be in around Louis, he's surprised when he unlocks his hotel room door and steps inside, to find himself being pushed forward, lips fastened on his neck as the door closes and Christ Liam knows those lips.

"Hey," he tries to say, although he's afraid it comes out too shaky and mumbled to be coherent.

"Missed your face," Harry says cheerfully as he lifts his mouth away from Liam and spins him around. "Hi."

"Hi," Liam says, grinning happily as Harry gives him a playful shove and jumps onto Liam's bed. "How was shopping?"

"Delightful," Harry says with an eye roll. "Got mobbed outside then Lou tried to talk me into buying a blazer with a glitter Rolling Stones logo on the back."

Liam grins, picturing it. "Tried to talk you _into_ buying it or tried to talk you _out_ of buying it?"

Harry laughs as he throws a pillow at Liam. He catches it and hugs it to his stomach. "Fine. I wanted to buy it and she wouldn't let me. She's terrible. I don't know why we keep her."

"Because you love her and it'd break your heart if she ever left you," Liam tells him solemnly.

Harry stares at him before he rolls onto his back and looks up at the ceiling. "Yeah. Don't tell her though."

"Pretty sure she knows, mate." Liam throws the pillow, catching Harry right in the face. As he's giggling at Harry's outrage, his phone vibrates and he reaches for it, seeing his mum's name flash up.

"Hey mum!" Liam greets her excitedly. He hasn't spoken to her since they landed and he loves hearing her voice. "How's things?"

As they chat and Liam's mum fills him in on everything he's missed in the past week, Harry reaches up and draws Liam down between his legs, Liam grinning up at him as he settles against Harry's chest. Harry runs his finger across the back of Liam's hand while he talks, trying to not let himself be distracted.

Liam listens carefully to all the news before his mum asks how it's going with him.

"Last night was our first night," he tells her, shooting Harry a thumbs up as Harry rests his hands flat against Liam's thighs. "It went really well. The crowd was amazing and the boys were great."

Harry's hands move gently up his legs but Liam barely notices as he babbles on about the show. When Harry's hand cups his crotch, Liam freezes mid-sentence, his mind going blank as Harry leans forward to whisper in his ear. "Keep talking, babe. It's rude to ignore your mum."

Liam bites back a curse as he frantically tries to remember what he was saying.

"Yeah, really good," he says weakly when his mind stays stubbornly blank.

Harry unzips his jeans, slipping his hand in and under Liam's boxers, palming his dick slowly as Liam desperately tries to concentrate on what his mum is saying.

"... we're just so proud of you," his mum says, and she sounds a bit weepy, much to Liam's dismay. "You've really shown how strong you are recently. I know you've been finding it tough, being in the spotlight so much but you're doing so well, especially recently and your Dad and I are just so proud of you, Liam. I mean, there was that little story in the paper a few weeks ago but Andy explained it was just a misunderstanding and we know how the papers just make things up sometimes. Like you'd ever fight with Andy!"

Liam's mind is whirling. He manages to answer his mum somehow, even as Harry's hand closes around his shaft and starts pumping, giggling softly as Liam's body freezes and his free hand grips the duvet tightly as he strives to keep his tone normal.

"Mum, Harry's just popped in and he uh, needs me. For something. I'll call you later, yeah?"

His mum calls out a goodbye and he hangs up, sagging back against Harry as he throws his phone away, hearing Harry laugh again in his ear.

"I certainly do need you for something," Harry murmurs as he jacks Liam off. It doesn't take him long to come since he was halfway there during the phone call and he watches in fascination as Harry licks his hand clean, leaving a little for Liam who sucks Harry's fingers clean eagerly.

It's not until after he's sucked Harry off, Harry fucking into his mouth carefully, praising Liam for being so good as Harry forces his cock into Liam's willing mouth and coming into Liam's fist that he remembers what his mum said, about him being better recently.

Christ, he'd almost forgotten why this had all started in the first place. As he lies in bed, Harry stroking his hair gently while they both waver between awake and dozing, he realises that this whole situation has worked better than he'd ever imagined. He lifts Harry's fingers to his lips and kisses them lightly, whispering a quiet thank you that he's not sure Harry even hears. But he means it so desperately, all the same.

*

As Harry drags him into the changing area at the stadium and presses urgent kisses against his lips, Liam thinks he's probably never been this happy. They've been fooling around seriously for weeks now, well into the US leg of the tour, and Harry's always dragging him away to kiss him or for a quick handjob or blowjob (Liam's got really good at being quick and between Harry knowing how much Liam likes his hair being pulled during and Liam learning to deep throat and swallow, they've got it down to a fine art that never fails, even though Liam's half-convinced that Harry's going to get bored each time).

He knows they've been reckless a few times, almost being caught out by Zayn twice and Paul once, but so far they've managed to keep it a secret. But it's not just the sex, which Liam thinks has only gotten better each time, with Harry's growing assertiveness and how good he is at pinning Liam down and ordering him around. Harry just looks at him sometimes and Liam swells with happiness, knowing Harry's focused entirely on him. And there's something almost tangible between them now, Liam thinks. He wonders that no one's commented on it, since the day in the hotel when Louis asked him about it.

Harry's sliding down Liam's zip of his jeans when they pause, hearing Louis and Zayn walking into the room. There's only a curtain separating them from the lads and Liam wants to groan in frustration because he's hard and Harry's here and willing and they can't. They probably can't even leave the changing area until the lads leave unless Harry can come up with a good reason for them being here alone together.

Liam's head snaps up as Harry starts tugging Liam's jeans down. Liam shakes his head, his eyes wide as he gestures with his head towards the curtain but Harry just grins wicked at him, dropping to his knees and oh Christ. Liam feels like he detaches from his own body as Harry licks his lips, pulling Liam's jeans right down until they pool around his ankles. Liam's hands are on his boxers and Harry slaps them away. Luckily Louis' laughing in the other partition so they aren't overheard, but Liam sees Harry's mouth tighten like he's angry with Liam and that makes him switch so quickly his head spins. His hands drop to his sides and he stares down at Harry, eyes wide and lips parted. He spreads his legs a little and forces his body to relax.

Harry's mouth curves into a smile and he pats Liam's arse like a reward. Liam feels a warmth spread through him and his shoulders relax further. Harry's fingers slide under the waistband of his boxers and he pulls them down. Liam sees the way Harry's eyes light up and his grin widens when he sees how turned on Liam is, his hands sliding up Liam's legs until he cups Liam's balls, squeezing gently as Liam grits his teeth, spreading his legs as wide as he can with his jeans restraining his ankles. Harry laughs silently up at him as he gently rolls Liam's balls in his hand, caressing him until Liam's almost about to lose control and let out a scream. Harry lets go and places his hand on Liam's hip, stroking until Liam's got himself under control again before he grips Liam's cock firmly, giving him a few careful strokes before Harry closes his mouth around Liam's tip and sucks gently.

Liam's whole body is trembling. It's the first time Harry's put his mouth on Liam's dick and the boys are in the same room and it's almost all too much so he switches off his brain, focusing entirely on Harry as everything else fades away. He blocks out Louis and Zayn's laughter and he zeroes in on Harry, watching as his eyelashes flutter down against his cheeks, Liam's cock hard and throbbing in Harry's mouth, and fuck Harry was right, it's so beautiful to watch. He wants to reach out and touch but he keeps his hands loose by his side and concentrates on keeping his hips as still as he can.

Harry sucks gently once more before his mouth loosens around Liam's dick and his tongue licks gently at Liam's slit, making him hiss in surprise. When Harry's eyes fly open and glare at him, Liam closes his mouth and blinks quickly, the moisture that springs to his eyes surprising him. Harry keeps his eyes on Liam as he slides down, his tongue trailing after his lips as he moves back and forth on Liam's dick, his lips constantly changing pressure along his shaft until his nerves are on fire. When Harry's hand moves from the base of Liam's cock down to cups his balls again and squeezes, Liam jerks forward, unable to stop himself as he comes hard, eyes wide as he stares down at Harry in horror. Harry's swallowing Liam as silently as he can until Liam's finished and there's drips of Liam's come dribbling from Harry's mouth. Liam stares at his lips hungrily as Harry tries to catch his breath and Liam falls to the floor, kneeling in front of Harry as he waits as patiently as he can.

Harry reaches out to stroke Liam's cheek gently and Liam surges forward, licking at Harry's mouth until he's clean. The kiss goes on and on, Liam's way of thanking Harry silently until Harry pulls back shakily.

"I think they're gone, babe," Harry says, his voice husky and low.

"Christ Harry that was amazing," Liam says quickly, dropping his hands to this thighs as he stares at Harry adoringly. "Best one I've ever had."

"You're such an exhibitionist Liam," Harry teases, shoving at Liam until he topples back, giggling. "You try and pretend you're so sensible and serious when really, you're dying for me to suck you off while Louis and Zayn are within hearing distance."

"Oh god," Liam hides his flaming face in his hands. "It was terrible. I mean, it was amazing but what if they'd heard us, Harry?"

"That would have been an interesting conversation," Harry muses as he stands up and helps Liam to his feet, squatting down to pull up Liam's boxers and jeans, pressing a cheeky kiss against Liam's soft dick before he zips him up. "But you weren't going to make a noise babe were you, not after I'd told you to be quiet."

"No Harry," Liam says obediently, his eyes shining as Harry beams at him. "I was really good."

"Yes you were," Harry agrees. "So good."

Liam doesn't think the flush of happiness fades from his body for the rest of the night.

They hit the West Coast and the warm weather drives them outside on their time off. Liam disappears for entire mornings with Louis to surf while Harry hits the golf course with Niall. Perrie's in town for a week so Zayn's mostly holed up in hotel rooms or sneaking off to go to water parks and out of the way shopping malls.

Liam's always excited when he comes back from the beach, his face glowing as he tells Harry about his morning, his words running together but Harry just smiles at him and seems to understand what he's saying. It's in these moments that Liam appreciates their differences - Liam's always in a rush to get to where he's going and see what he wants to see, while Harry wants to go slow so he does miss things he's not even looking for. But Liam's learning, slowly, like this morning they got rumbled by some fans and rather than get annoyed that their private time had been interrupted, Liam took a second to realise that these fans looked tired and one of the girls' jeans had a few holes in them that Liam's pretty sure weren't a fashion statement. So he'd smiled at them, waving them over so he could sign the back of a flyer for them that was clearly all they'd had on them at the time. And he'd chatted to them for ten minutes, discovering that Niall was their favourite - Liam grinned and said Niall was his favourite too but don't tell Louis, which had started a whole minute of Louis complaining loudly until Liam gave him a shove - and that they'd never been to a concert but they loved the boys. Liam has asked for their twitter handles and told them to tweet him later and he'd follow them, and he'd even ask Niall to send them a message too. Seeing the way their eyes had lit up made him smile back, his cheeks aching by the time they wandered away reluctantly and Liam ran back into the water, laughing as Louis splashed him and called him a sap.

Harry had jumped up at him, arms flying around Liam's neck while his legs wrapped around his waist and plastered kisses over every inch of skin he could find while Liam tried to keep his balance, giving up in the end and falling back onto the bed giggling loudly. "You're a saint, Liam Payne. You probably made their entire year just by giving them ten minutes of your time."

"It's just so hard to balance all the time you want to give them, while still having time for yourself," Liam says seriously, brushing Harry's hair back from his face as he leans over Liam.

"You can't please everyone, Liam," Harry says wisely, sitting back on his heels as he studies Liam, straddling his hips. "But you can give to some of them. And seeing them smile and so happy makes it worth it."

Liam knows he's right and he's eternally grateful for Harry reminding him why they even do this and how they do this.

"Can we go on twitter and find them?" Liam asks quietly.

"Absolutely," Harry says, shifting so he falls onto the bed next to Liam as he pulls up twitter on his phone. Finding them proves easy enough and he follows them all back, sending a tweet to all of them thanking them for brightening up his day.

"You're such a big softie," Harry teases, but he gives Liam a smacking kiss at the same time. Liam grins as he sets himself a reminder to ask Niall to follow them as well. "You want to answer some more questions while you're on, babe?"

Liam settles into Harry's shoulder, holding his phone so they can both see the screen and he starts scrolling through, answering random tweets while Harry draws patterns onto his chest.

*

Liam wakes up in the middle of the night.

There's a dim light in the room and he can hear Harry speaking quietly in the bed next to him. The clock blinking on the nightstand says it's 3.47am.

"I promise I'm fine, Gem. Would I lie to you?"

"Yeah but that doesn't count because I was five and you stole my bear."

"Tell Mum I miss her, okay? I'll call her in a few days, when we've got a day off and I don't sound so tired."

"Yeah I know. But it's easier this time."

"Maybe. I'll tell you later Gem, it's complicated. No, it's not some skank."

Liam smiles into his pillow, eyes closed.

"I promise it's not anyone I wouldn't bring home to Mum, shut up."

"I just need some time, Gem," Harry sighs and Liam wishes he wasn't overhearing this, a conversation obviously about him, but he can't move now. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. Love you too. Tell mum I miss her. Have a great day, Gem. Yeah. Bye."

Liam hears Harry putting his phone down on the nightstand before he gets out of bed. The bathroom light switches on and Liam can hear running water. He frowns as he thinks he hears a slight sniffle before the water stops. Another sniffle. Light off. Harry gets back into bed.

Harry's hand slides down Liam's arm and slips under, sliding around his waist and cuddling up behind him. Liam shifts back slightly before he can stop himself and wonders if maybe it's something he does in his sleep. He hopes so, anyway. Harry presses his lips against Liam's shoulder before he nuzzles into Liam's neck, a long sigh tickling his skin before Harry settles. He hears Harry's even breathing long before he falls back to sleep.

*

Liam's on stage when it hits him. He's not singing and he's not dancing, he's just sitting on the side of the stage while Zayn hits note after not on his verse and Liam's glancing out at the crowd. He waves and winks at everyone who he makes eye contact with, giving some people a thumbs up when he reads their signs and hears their cheers, posing idiotically for their cameras.

Harry takes the next verse and Liam scans the crowd, still waving when a sign catches his eye. With a detachment he's vaguely proud of, he reads the sign and looks at the girl holding it. She doesn't look like the other girl, in the city halfway across the world with a similar sign. He harmonises with Harry because it's second nature, slipping in and out of songs while his mind is elsewhere. Just a simple request for him to leave. But he smiles sadly at the girl, seeing her surprise and the way she frowns up at him. He mouths the word 'sorry' to her before he turns away, looking across the stage at Harry, who's watching him with a fierce look in his eyes. Liam wonders if he's seen the sign too, so he smiles brightly at him and it hits him.

He's totally fallen for Harry.

It's so mind-blowing that he misses his cue and after a startled second of no singing, Zayn fills for him. Liam's not even registering the looks Louis is throwing him because he's still staring at Harry.

"Liam."

He blinks as he hears his name, low in his earpiece. Liam refocuses and realises that Harry's trying to get his attention, keeping his voice low so the audience can't hear him, but the boys can.

Christ he's meant to be singing. He whips around to look at Zayn, panicked only to realise that Zayn's killing his verse. Figures, he thinks with a fond smile. He lifts the microphone and Zayn nods, breaking away as Liam sings and it's so easy, these transitions. It's incredible what they can do as a group.

When the show ends, Liam races offstage with Niall, who punches him in the arm. "Where did you go, Payno? Not like you to forget your lyrics."

"It's probably a good thing we've got a few days off," Zayn says as he appears between them, sliding his arms around their shoulders.

"Thanks, babe," Liam says sincerely as he squeezes Zayn's waist. "For bailing me out back there."

Zayn gives him a look as if to say what else did you expect and Liam throws him a look back that shines with adoration and Niall rolls his eyes because they're being ridiculous.

"Liam Payne!" Louis yells and they all glance behind them to see Louis and Harry walking arm in arm a few yards back. "If we get a terrible review for tonight's show, I'm blaming you."

"Well that hardly seems fair," Liam says thoughtfully as he grins at Louis. "Maybe it'd be your fault for distracting Niall during First Last Kiss."

"More likely to be Harry's fault for almost falling offstage after Rock Me," Zayn muses, laughing when Harry protests behind them.

"Basically, we're all terrible and it's only a matter of time before the world realises this and we're destitute on the streets of London, busking for change," Niall surmises.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Liam says, grinning at Niall who grins back. "You, me and a guitar, Nialler. We'd still draw a crowd together."

"And what exactly would Zayn, Harry and I be doing while you're busking, huh?" Louis asks as they tumble into the car, Liam sitting at the back with Zayn while the other three pile in.

"Sitting around, looking pretty," Liam shoots back. "While Niall and I earn the money."

"It's a pretty good back up plan," Louis admits cheerfully as they head back to the tour bus.

Zayn disappears when they get back, phone in hand. Niall drags Louis into a discussion about football and Liam heads for the shower, like usual. He always feels better when he showers after a show. When he steps out, towel wrapped around his waist, Harry's sitting on his bunk, texting.

"Hey," he greets Liam with a slow smile. Liam glances toward the door to make sure there's no one there as Harry reaches out to grab Liam's towel and tugs him closer. "Get a bit distracted during the show, Liam?"

Liam bites his lip as he fights a smile. "Maybe."

"Come here," Harry growls playfully, reaching up to hook Liam's neck and drag him down. Liam kisses him quickly, heat pooling in his belly as Harry whines when he pulls back. He shifts back into Liam's bunk. "Close my bunk up, babe."

Liam reaches over and tugs the curtain across Harry's bed, making sure there are no gaps before he takes off his towel and dumps it on Louis' bunk with a smile.

"He'll get you back for that you know," Harry says, laughter in his voice as Liam scoots into his bunk, slipping under the covers as Harry wriggles out of his clothes.

"Oh well," Liam shrugs, lifting up the duvet for Harry.

"Thanks babe," Harry murmurs, turning Liam so he's facing the curtain and Harry has his back to the wall. "Goodnight."

Liam snuggles closer as Harry plasters himself across Liam's back. Liam loves nights like this, where they just curl up together and fall asleep. He loves them almost as much as hotel nights where Harry can't seem to get enough of Liam, keeping him up well into the early hours of the morning.

Sometimes, Liam has to remind himself that all of this is real. That Harry wants to kiss him and touch him and wants Liam to kiss him back and touch him too. Sometimes, he has to pinch himself when they're lying in bed together, just to make sure he's not dreaming everything. And sometimes, when he's on his knees for Harry, hands held behind his back and Harry's cock fucking into his mouth, Liam has to remember to fucking breathe because this is all real.

Sometimes, Liam just lies awake, smiling to himself because he's so damned happy that it actually hurts.

"Go to sleep, Liam," Harry mumbles behind him.

Liam slips his hand into Harry's where it rests on his chest and does as he's told.

He wakes up with a start, his heart racing and letting out a gasp as he tries to drag oxygen into his lungs. His body feels like it's tingling and there's a heavy weight between his legs. He arches his back, half mad as he realises Harry's got his dick in his mouth and he's sucking him off.

Liam's eyes go wild as he stares at Harry's lips wrapped around his cock, eyes dancing with humour as Liam's hands curl around the sheets, holding on for dear life as Harry sucks him hard, his tongue licking around Liam's dick like he's tasting him. He freezes as Harry tongues his slit and his fingers dig into Liam's hips painfully. When Liam tries to arch up again, Harry's big hands keep him restrained against the mattress and Liam almost sobs, desperate to come already.

Harry pulls off quietly, his hand replacing his mouth as he jerks Liam slowly, trailing kisses up his body, a thin sheen of sweat covering him as he pants quietly, trying to hold himself together while Harry's hand and lips drive him closer to the edge.

While Harry's tongue circles his nipple, his free hand covers Liam's mouth. "Shh," Harry orders before he bites down carefully on Liam's chest, his tongue swirling around his nipple as Liam fights to stay silent. He has to be good, he tells himself firmly as his body goes rigid.

Harry's fingers press against his lips and Liam opens his mouth obediently, letting Harry's index and middle fingers slide inside, resting heavy on his tongue.

"Suck," Harry orders huskily, staring up at Liam as he lifts his head, his hand still jerking Liam's dick slowly.

Liam keeps his eyes on Harry as he sucks gently, letting his tongue slide between Harry's fingers before he starts to lick them, increasing his suction until Harry's fingers are wet and slippery.

Harry's pupils are blow and Liam's clenching his body tightly, trying not to come. Harry squeezes the base of his cock hard and Liam squirms beneath him.

"You're doing so good, babe," Harry tells him, pressing a kiss against his chest as he makes his way back down Liam's body. "Let me reward you, yeah?"

Liam watches Harry swallow him down again, his breathing becoming shallower as Harry bobs slowly.

He nearly screams when he feels Harry's fingers against his hole. But he has to be silent so he keeps it back, his eyes locked on Harry as he swirls his tongue around Liam's tip. Liam's lost in sensation as Harry presses his fingers gently, creating a pressure against his arse that feels fucking amazing. Just as Harry slides his index finger inside, barely halfway in, Liam comes hard in Harry's mouth, his hips thrusting up helplessly as Harry wiggles his finger gently through Liam's orgasm until Liam falls back against the bed, eyes staring sightlessly at the bunk ceiling as his body goes completely lax. He's distantly aware that Harry's pulling away from him and that Harry's speaking to him, but Liam can't hear him. There's a bubble around him, where noise is filtered out and sensations are just vibrating through his body.

"Liam?" Harry's whispering urgently in his ear and Liam eventually turns his head to see Harry frantically running his hands over Liam's body. "Babe, are you okay?"

Liam tries to speak but nothing comes out.

"Liam! Talk to me," Harry snaps, but his hands are still gentle on Liam's chest.

"Thank you," Liam slurs, trying to force his lips to move how he wants them to. He thinks they do a mostly adequate job. When he can function again, he's sure speaking will return to normal.

Harry lets out a caught breath as he smacks Liam's chest, and Liam closes his eyes, a smile on his face. "Hey, you scared me."

"Sorry Harry," Liam mumbles. "S'good So good. Might be dead."

Harry's hands stroke soothing circles on Liam's skin until he feels steadier and he finally looks up at Harry, flushing.

"So you liked that, then?" Harry asks with a mischievous grin.

"Maybe," Liam says with a straight face until he cracks, leaning forward to hide in Harry's chest. And maybe touch his tongue to Harry's chest, just to make sure he still tastes the same.

"If you're very good, maybe we can do it again, then," Harry tells him and Liam promises to be very, very good, which earns him a sweet kiss that he sighs into, dragging his hands through Harry's hair and letting his fingers trail across his scalp until Harry lets out a little groan of pure happiness.

Louis' already up when they drag themselves out of bed, eating cereal with his phone out on the table.

"Did you speak to your mum?" Liam asks as he slumps down next to Louis, eying his cereal enviously.

"Yeah," Louis says quietly as he pushes his half-eaten breakfast away. "The girls are being brilliant with the twins."

Liam rubs his hand gently across Louis' back, knowing how much Louis misses them all and hates not being there for the twins.

"Two more weeks then we'll be home," Liam whispers and Louis leans into him for a second before he straightens up.

Harry drops a plate of toast in front of Liam and hands him a banana. Liam smiles up at him and says a quiet thank you before Harry moves away again to fix his own breakfast.

"You two disappeared early last night," Louis says and Liam keeps his gaze focused on his banana, concentrating on peeling it like his life depends on it.

"Dunno, I turned in when we got back," Harry says and it sounds perfectly reasonable because sometimes Harry _does_ go to bed early and just sleep off the day's stress. "Did you go to bed early too Liam?"

Liam nods silently, until Harry raises his eyebrows at him. "Uh yeah, was pretty shattered to be honest. Texted Mum and Andy for a bit then I just kind of fell asleep."

Louis gives him a look that he thinks suggests that Louis thinks he's lying, but Liam just shrugs and takes a bite of his banana. He tries not to grin when Harry gives him a suggestive leer over it, but it's a close call.

"Well, since you're both so well rested, what are you going to do this morning?" Louis asks. "Fancy a kick about, Payno?"

Liam glances up at Harry who shakes his head. "Uh, I can't, sorry Louis."

"Got more exciting plans then?" Louis nudges him and grins, and Liam's relieved that he's not annoyed.

"Uh ..." Liam stumbles because honestly he's not sure what Harry wants him to say.

"We're going shopping babe," Harry reminds him, although Liam's pretty sure this is the first he's heard of it.

"Yeah, we're shopping," Liam repeats to Louis, even though he heard Harry the first time.

"For tonight," Harry supplies helpfully.

"Yeah, for tonight," Liam nods along although he has no idea what tonight is.

"We're going out clubbing, remember?" Harry nudges him as he sits down, stealing a bite from Liam's toast.

"We ... are," Liam manages to stop himself from framing it as a question at the last minute.

"And is this everyone 'we' or just you two 'we'?" Louis asks and Liam thinks there's a slight edge to it but Harry's just put his hand on Liam's thigh under the table and squeezed and Liam's trying to stop himself from reacting and he's trying really hard to not, well, get hard.

It's almost impossible when Harry starts moving his hand around in circles across Liam's thigh as he takes a bite of melon.

"All of us," Harry tells him cheerfully. "Thought we deserved to have a bit of fun on our night off."

Liam bites back a squeak as Harry slides his hand up until he's cupping Liam's dick. Liam shifts forward as subtly as he can, conscious that Louis could probably see exactly what Harry's doing if he looked across at them, but Louis isn't paying much attention to them, thankfully.

"I'll let the boys know then," Louis says, picking up his phone and typing something. "Gotta go, Lottie's calling me."

Liam's already curling into Harry as Louis leaves, gasping and pushing his hips up into Harry's fist.

Harry gives him a squeeze before he lets go, turning back to his fruit as if he hasn't just left Liam hard and aching.

"H-harry?" Liam's trying to steady himself but he's already worked up.

"Eat your breakfast, Liam," Harry says conversationally.

Liam turns back to his toast with an effort, wincing as his cock protests, putting his hand in his crotch and pressing down to relieve some pressure.

"Hey." Harry slaps his hand away and frowns at him. "No touching. S'mine."

Liam lets out a choked laugh as he does as he's told, but he's just so _hard_ is all.

"No touching until later, okay?" Harry says with a waggle of his finger. Liam knows he should be laughing because Harry looks a bit ridiculous, but mostly all he can think about is how much he wants Harry's approval and how badly he wants Harry to reward him so he nods quickly and turns back to his breakfast and tries to eat as best he can.

He's mostly hard all the way through their shopping trip, because Harry insists on staying in the changing rooms with him while he strips off, and Harry trails his hands all over Liam's naked body under the pretence of choosing shirts and jeans, running his hand over Liam's arse and making him squirm, pretending that he can't see how hard Liam is or how there's a telling damp spot on his boxers.

When Harry finally chooses Liam's outfit, Liam's almost crying with relief because maybe they can go home and Harry can reward him because he's been _so_ good. But before he can get dressed, Harry's pinning him up against the wall, kissing his neck and his lips and Liam does sob because it feels so good and he's been so patient. He welcomes Harry's sloppy kisses, moaning and whimpering as he fights to get closer. Harry pins his hands above his head with one of his large hands, the other running firmly down Liam's body until he's palming Liam's dick through his boxers and Liam thinks he might just come from this.

But suddenly Harry lets him go, stepping back with a laugh as Liam falls forward. He steadies him but he makes no effort to get Liam off, holding up his hand to stop Liam from getting any closer.

"Not yet, babe," Harry tells him, and his eyes promise something, but Liam's not sure what. All he knows is Harry's absolutely consuming him until he can barely think about anything else and maybe a small part of Liam knows how dangerous that is. But the larger, more desperate part of him doesn't care.

Because it's a night off, they're booked into hotel rooms. Liam gets ready with Zayn roaming in and out of his room, trying to decide whether he wants to wear a black t-shirt or a white one. Liam's nodded his way through every option Zayn's given him, probably being no use whatsoever, but honestly, Zayn looks good in everything. He finally decides on the white, and then they're off because Zayn's held them up for half an hour already.

Liam's a little drunk, having been persuaded into a few drinks by Louis as they all ended up sitting on Liam's bed, watching Zayn um and ah over his choices. But they get into the club with no problems, and Niall finds them a booth without much trouble in the VIP section. Only Zayn and Louis can legally drink, but they slip the boys their drinks as much as they can and no one says a word. Niall convinces Liam to dance - although really it doesn't take much to get him up and dancing - except Liam's abandoned once Niall's spotted a girl checking him out and he moves over to her, leaving Liam dancing on his own. He brushes off a few looks from girls - and one from a guy - before Louis rescues him, having drunk far too much with bright eyes and a sharp grin, and they dance ridiculously together, watched by an amused Harry and Zayn.

He's not sure how long they dance, but it feels like hours before Harry slides up to him and passes him a bottle of water that Liam takes gratefully.

"I'll go rescue Zayn," Louis says cheerfully, leaving them alone in a crowded dancefloor as he makes his way back to their booth.

"You look so sexy when you dance with boys," Harry murmurs, his lips pressing against Liam's ear as he talks. "Your hips, Liam. Fuck."

Liam's itching to get his hands on Harry but it's too public. When Harry pulls back slightly he must read the look in Liam's eyes because he glances around before he tells Liam to follow him and they end up in a restroom cubicle, Harry shoving Liam down onto his knees while he unzips his jeans and pushes his jeans and boxers down, pushing Liam back until he's resting back against the wall.

"Hands behind your back, Liam," Harry orders him, nodding when Liam obeys. "I'm gonna fuck your mouth, okay?"

Liam nods, his eyes bright and eager as Harry strokes his dick a few times. "You're going to be a good boy and swallow everything I give you, okay?"

Liam nods again, blinking quickly as he stares at Harry's cock, throbbing and so very thick in front of him. He licks his lips, already tasting Harry from memory as he opens his mouth wide.

"So pretty like this," Harry murmurs as he pushes into Liam's mouth.

He keeps pushing until he hits the back of Liam's throat and Liam gags slightly, his throat constricting around Harry's cock until he groans, and Liam lets himself go slack, his lips stretched around Harry as he tries to concentrate on breathing. He's almost passed out a few times because he's gotten so into blowing Harry that he's forgotten to breathe and Harry's told him off more than once for it.

Harry jerks forward and Liam's head smacks back against the wall, making him go dizzy for a second but then Harry's pushing in again and Liam holds himself rigid, letting Harry slide his dick in and out of Liam's mouth, his hand cupping Liam's head as he hits the back of Liam's throat again and again.

There's so much saliva, it's coating Harry's dick as Liam sucks Harry down and slides him out again.

"You're so gorgeous Liam," Harry murmurs, shoving back in as Liam's head rolls back slightly, a flush forming so prettily on his cheeks. "So pretty like this, with your face all messy and your lips around my cock. Christ, I just want to fuck you all the time."

Liam's eyes flutter shut as he stretches a bit wider and tries to take Harry down further, gagging hard but shaking his head slightly as Harry tries to pull back. Harry pushes in carefully until Liam's face is buried in Harry's belly and he can hardly breathe through his nose but he wants more and Harry's breathing hard. Liam knows he likes this too and he sucks air in nosily through his nose as he nuzzles against Harry, hearing a sharp gasp escape Harry's lips and Christ he just wants _more_.

Harry pulls out, almost all the way until Liam's just sucking around his tip, before he slams into Liam's mouth hard, making him whimper as he tries to accommodate Harry.

"Christ, Liam, get your dick out," Harry gasps as he pulls out again. Liam's got his zip down as Harry slams in again, his dick harder than Liam thinks he's ever felt it in his mouth before. His jaw aches and his lips are probably bruised and god knows how he's going to be able to sing tomorrow night but he'll worry about that later because Harry's fucking his mouth and it's filthy and amazing and Liam wants it all.

He manages to get his cock out, a feeling of relief shooting through him because it really was hurting for a while there, stuck pressed against his jeans.

"I'm gonna come, babe," Harry tells him, his voice wrecked and husky. "Gonna swallow, aren't you babe?"

Liam nods furiously because he _wants_ to taste Harry. He wants everything. Harry jerks shallowly into his mouth once, twice then he's coming and Liam's desperately trying to swallow, some of Harry's come dribbling out of his mouth though and he tries to catch it with his tongue before Harry's swooping down to lick it away himself, pushing his tongue into Liam's mouth and kissing him hard and deep.

Then Harry's pulling back, untying his bandana while Liam watches, wide eyed as Harry ties his hands together with his scarf and Liam thinks he might just explode right now. Harry glances around, grinning as he looks up at the door and he turns them both around, lifting Liam's bound hands up to the coat hook on the back of the door. Liam adjusts, blinking softly at Harry as he waits.

Harry tugs his jeans back up and stares at Liam, reaching out to stroke his cheek softly. "Sometimes, Liam Payne, I have to take mental photographs of these moments so that I can remember them forever," he says softly and Liam keens, trying to move forward but he can't wriggle out of his restraint. Harry reaches down to cup his dick, his hand soft as he rubs him gently, almost soothingly. "Sometimes I can't believe we're here, doing this. That you want me this much."

Liam nods frantically, because he _does_ and because he's the same with Harry.

"And sometimes," Harry continues softly as he gives Liam a hard squeeze and dips his head to suck hard on Liam's neck until Liam's whimpering and writhing against Harry, "sometimes I want to push you harder until you do say no. Except I'm not sure you ever will."

Liam cries against his cheek, pressing kisses wherever he can find skin until Harry kisses him back, long and deep as he fists Liam's dick quickly. Harry's whispering encouragement, telling Liam to come and to not hold back so he doesn't, coming hard over Harry's hand and slumping back against the door until Harry unties him and he falls into Harry's lap, curling up like a child, Harry rubbing his back soothingly, biting into Liam's neck and collarbone until Liam's breathing returns to normal and he's stopped hiccupping.

"Oops," Harry says with a chuckle, staring at Liam's bruised skin. "Uh, think you might need to cover up tomorrow, babe."

Liam groans but he snuggles closer, not really caring very much. He likes it when Harry leaves lovebites across his skin, really. It makes him feel like he belongs to Harry. He likes that a whole lot.

"C'mon, you're heavy and this floor is disgusting," Harry says, giving Liam's arse a pat before he scrambles to his feet and they dust themselves off, Harry helping Liam pull himself together. "If the boys ask, tell them we got distracted by some girls or something, okay?"

Liam nods faithfully as he reaches over to squeeze Harry's hand. Harry squeezes back with a sweet smile before they let go together and step out of the cubicle, grateful when no one seems to be around to catch them.

The rest of the night passes in a blur. None of the boys ask where they've been, or seem to have even noticed that they've been gone for ages, but Niall gives Liam a filthy leer when he sees Liam's neck, laughing as Liam ducks his head and tugging him in for a hug. When they leave, the paps are out and they're yelling the usual, but Liam keeps his head down, focuses on Harry in front of him and blocks everything out until they're in the car and heading back to the hotel. Harry gives him a beaming, bright smile and Liam grins at him, drowsy and happy.

They make a show of going to their own rooms, except that Harry sneaks into his room ten minutes later, crawling into bed and spooning behind Liam, pressed up as close as they can be.

*

In the morning, it all goes to hell. Liam's been expecting it for months, really. Everything's been too perfect. Everything's been too easy.

He leaves Harry in bed and goes in search of food and company. He didn't want to wake Harry because he looked so peaceful and tired that Liam wants him to sleep for as long as possible. He pulls on sweats and a t-shirt and closes the door behind him quietly.

He finds Louis in his room, still in bed but awake. Liam gets waved in while Louis' ordering room service, automatically adding toast for Liam and another pot of tea. Liam thanks him silently as he sneaks into bed next to him, snuggling up for warmth as Louis rolls his eyes but slings an arm around Liam anyway. When he hangs up, he gives Liam a little pinch.

"You know you're bigger than me, yeah?" Louis points out. "Why do you always snuggle up like you're a tiny little child when you're like, twice my size?"

"Because I'm the little brother and you're the big brother," Liam murmurs, everything making perfect sense in his drowsy head. "You'll always be the big brother in the band, looking out for us."

"Shut up," Louis mutters, but Liam can tell he's pleased all the same.

They watch cartoons while they wait for room service, and then they're both so hungover and ravenous that they eat without talking and only look up when all the food's gone and the tea is all drunk.

Liam stretches up high, feeling his muscles shift before he relaxes, his shirt falling slightly off his shoulder. Liam sees Louis' eyes widen as he stares at Liam and oh fuck. The lovebites.

"When did you get those?" Louis asks, reaching out to poke at them.

Liam flinches back, because he only really likes it when Harry does it, as he keeps his head down, not sure what to say.

"Liam, c'mon." Louis' voice has dropped and he sounds angry. "Who gave you those?"

Liam shakes his head, blood pounding in his ears.

"Liam, I'm not stupid," Louis finally says and that has Liam's head snapping up at look at him. He looks _furious_. "It was Harry, right? Harry's been all over you for months and you haven't talked about any girls in forever, not since that night in Spain in the club where Zayn got mad at you. Are you and Harry fucking?"

Liam feels sick. He feels physically sick but he needs to explain because Louis looks mad and Liam doesn't know why.

So he quietly, falteringly explains everything. He tells Louis about how he'd been spiralling and how Niall pulled him up. How he asked Harry for help. How great Harry had been, keeping him in check and helping Liam to control his emotions. How it had turned from friends to sex. Liam flushes but he carries on unwaveringly, explaining his spiral in London without Harry and how Harry had come back to London to look after him. There's a lot he leaves out, because that's just for him and Harry, but he tells Louis enough for him to get the bigger picture.

"And we got a bit carried away last night, I guess," Liam finally ends, glancing up at Louis nervously because Louis' been silent the entire time and that is more than enough to have Liam scared.

Louis looks scary. His face is flushed and his hands are balled up into tight fists. Liam slides back, frowning because he thought Louis would understand once he'd explained everything.

"Liam, where is Harry right now?" Louis asks, his voice trembling with anger.

Liam's mind goes blank as he fights against the panic building up inside of him.

"Liam, I'm not mad at you," Louis says, reaching out to stroke his arm but Liam flinches away, not wanting to be touched.

"You can't be mad at Harry," Liam whispers shakily. "He's been amazing. He's looked after me, Louis. He's, like, shit. He's everything."

"I just want to talk to him, Liam," Louis says calmly as he climbs out of bed and tugs on some joggers. He doesn't bother with a shirt as he runs his hand through his unruly hair and heads for the door. "Just talk."

Liam follows him anxiously, reaching out to pull Louis back but he pulls away fiercely and Liam's left staring after him.

When he finally snaps out of it, he's running into his hotel room to find Louis and Harry staring at each other in the middle of the room.

"Liam, get out of here," Louis snaps and Liam's eyes go wide. He stares at Harry, who isn't paying him any attention as his gaze narrows on Louis.

"He's not a dog, Louis," Harry says quietly but with a thread of steel in it. "Don't fucking mess with things you don't understand."

"Like you've been doing for months now?" Louis returns tersely. "What the fuck have you been doing to Liam, Harry?"

"Looking after him," Harry says, his mouth tightening.

Liam's in the doorway, watching it unfold even though he feels sick and he wants to leave. But he can't. He's caught in the middle, watching two best friends snap at each other over him.

"That's not what I'd call it," Louis argues, his voice rising slightly. "You've fucking messed with his head, Harry. He thinks you're fucking amazing, when you've just been messing around with him to get yourself off."

Liam's legs give out and he's about to fall to the floor when an arm slides around his waist carefully.

"Hey, what's all the yelling for?" Zayn asks sleepily. Liam knows it's an act though, judging by the way Zayn's fingers curl into his side. "Half the corridor can hear you."

"Stop shouting, my head hurts," Niall grumbles as he shoves Liam and Zayn forward, closing the door behind them. "What's going on?"

"What's going on is Harry's been fucking with Liam and he's got him so twisted that Liam thinks it's okay for Harry to fucking control every part of his life," Louis says, spinning around to face them. Liam can see the anger flashing from his eyes and he shrinks away from it, Niall's hand reaching down to grasp his own. Liam clings to them both.

"Fuck off, Louis," Harry says sharply. "That's not what this is at all and you can go to hell for thinking that about either of us."

"We've noticed, you wanker!" Louis shouts at him. "Do you think we haven't noticed that Liam looks at you every time he's asked a simple bloody question? Do you think we haven't noticed that you make his breakfast like he's a fucking child?"

Liam whimpers, trying to move back but Zayn's arm tightens around him and Niall closes in, pressing against his side while he stares at Harry, willing him to look at him but his gaze stays resolutely on Louis.

"Listen to him!" Louis yells, waving his arm towards Liam, who flinches away. "You've taken advantage of him and now he's incapable of doing anything himself. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"He's perfectly capable, Louis," Harry's own voice is rising slightly now.

Liam reaches out but Zayn holds him back. "Let them sort this out, babes," Zayn murmurs quietly and Liam stops straining against them.

"He's vulnerable and you've fucked around with him," Louis's voice lowers but it's laced with steel. "He needs friends, not someone shagging him because he's vulnerable and he thinks it's what he wants, or what he needs, or what he fucking deserves. You're a shitty friend, Harry. I'm so fucking pissed at you right now. I don't know how the fuck you think we're going to get past this."

"H-harry?" Liam finally croaks out and the room drops silent. Liam's too focused on Harry to realise that Louis is staring at him, or that Niall's hand has released his and Zayn's arm has dropped. "Hazza, tell me what to do."

"For fuck's sake," Louis yells.

Liam cringes as he holds out his hand, desperate for Harry to take it and hold him and tell him that everything's going to be okay. "Hazza," he whispers, his voice breaking.

"No, Liam," Harry says quietly, shaking his head as he stares at Liam. "Not this time."

"Hazza," Liam repeats, his eyes pleading and wide. "Hazza, please. Please tell me what to do."

"I can't believe this," Louis says, his voice shaking as he spins round to glare at Harry. "Look at him! That's not Liam. That's some fucked up version that you're responsible for."

"Hazza?" Liam can hear his voice rising and he knows he's panicking but Harry's not listening to him. He's not telling him what to do and Liam's lost. His heart is racing and he can't see anything except for Harry. "Hazza, please, please Hazza. God, Hazza,  _please_!"

Harry looks at him again, his eyes tormented but he doesn't respond.

"Hazza," Liam tries again, completely terrified. "Hazza please Hazza please Christ Hazza please!"

"Liam, come on," Niall tries but Liam wrestles himself away, running towards Harry and falling to his feet, head down so he's staring at the floor.

He can hear someone gasping but he doesn't care, his entire being is focused on Harry in front of him. "Hazza, please," he whispers desperately. He needs to be good, that's all. Harry needs him to be good.

 "Liam, stop it," Louis says, voice shaking as there's a hand dropped onto his shoulder but Liam pushes him away.

"Hazza," he whispers, his voice breaking as he starts to cry. "Hazza, please."

"Liam, I can't," Harry says, his voice breaking too as he reaches down to stroke Liam's cheek. Liam leans into him, shaking as he tries to focus through his blurry vision.

"Hazza, please don't," Liam tries again, his eyes snapping open as he feels Harry step away from him. "Hazza!"

Harry grabs his things and heads past the door, ignoring Louis' outstretched hand.

"Hazza!" Liam yells, wild and frightened, stumbling to his feet as he tries to follow but Niall and Zayn are blocking his way, both looking horrified as they try to restrain him, Liam's wild strength throwing them back a little.

"Harold?!" Liam tries, absolutely desperate. He sees Harry flinch but then he disappears through the door, followed quickly by an anxious-looking Louis and Liam's left all alone.

He curls up into a ball as the others fuss over him. But he can't see them or feel them, he only knows they're there in a vague sort of way.

All he can think about is how Harry's left him. Harry's abandoned him. Harry doesn't want him.

"Hazza," he sobs into Zayn's shoulder, exhausted and absolutely destroyed.

Eventually Liam stops crying and he lets Zayn carry him to the bed. He crawls under the covers and falls asleep, Zayn curled up on one side and Niall on the other.

He's dragged out of bed hours later. Niall dumps him in the shower and stands there with his arms crossed until Liam's clean and washed his hair. He bundles Liam into a towel and dries him, dressing him carefully as Liam remains utterly useless, his mind still foggy and his limited movements jerky and uncoordinated.

He hears Louis walk in and talking to Zayn quietly. He overhears the odd words like "wreck" and "silent" and "we're fucked".

"Hey babes," Zayn greets him softly as Niall ushers him out into the hall. Zayn's looking at him as if he's about to break, and Liam wonders if he will. He knows they've got a concert tonight and he has to go out and dance around, singing and smiling like always. It's never been a problem before, no matter what's going on in their lives but he can't seem to get his brain to function properly, let alone get on stage with Harry and pretend they're fine.

"He's not really snapped out of it yet," Niall tells them, running his hand through his hair.

"Liam will be fine," Louis says fiercely, reaching out to grip Liam's hand tightly. "He's a professional. So is Harry."

"Harry," Liam whispers, the word dragged out of him helplessly.

"Fuck," Zayn mutters, running his hand over his face. "Fuck this is so messed up."

"Harry's not much better," Louis sighs as he stares at Liam worriedly. "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck."

"We'll be fine," Niall says, closing the door behind them. "It'll all be fine. It has to be."

When Liam crawls into the car, Harry's already inside, staring out of the window. Louis shoves Liam into the back and sits next to him, dragging Liam into his embrace as Liam stares at Harry, willing him to look around.

He doesn't.

Soundcheck goes horribly wrong. Liam forgets to come in half the time because he's staring at Harry and Harry's voice wobbles in all the wrong places as he stares out into the empty stadium, refusing to look at any of the boys.

"It'll be fine," Niall keeps repeating to himself all through dinner, when Harry disappears and Liam plays with his food sadly.

"We'll be fine," Niall whispers into his microphone before they race out onstage.

It's not fine, exactly, but it's not as bad as they feared. Liam remembers most of his cues and Harry's voice holds out. Louis and Niall race around the stage like idiots, trying to distract the audience and Liam barely manages a single dance or skip, just walking across the stage and going through the motions. He perks up a little when he reads out the signs and the twitter questions aren't as awkward as they thought it would be.

Niall, Zayn and Louis let out long sighs of relief when they take their final bow. Zayn and Niall drag Liam away while Louis hangs back for Harry and they take separate cars back to the bus. Liam doesn't see Harry or Louis for the rest of the night so he assumes they're on the other bus, and he curls up with Niall, letting him pet his hair until he falls asleep.

There's only four more shows left and they don't get any easier but they manage. Liam's still in some kind of fog that he can't snap out of, staring after Harry hopefully but Harry never looks at him and Liam thinks his heart might be completely shattered. They get through the last show somehow and Liam's on the first flight home, alone in business class as he wonders when it's going to stop hurting.

It doesn't stop when he gets home and crawls into bed. It doesn't stop when he wakes up in the morning and pours himself a beer to forget. It doesn't stop when he calls Andy and arranges a night at Funky Buddha.

It doesn't stop when he gets trashed with Andy, giggling and laughing as he flirts badly with girls who want to have their picture taken with a popstar.

It doesn't stop when he wakes up with a hangover, no messages on his phone from Harry and a thousand tweets telling him that he fell over outside of the club and Andy had to help him into the car.

It doesn't stop when he goes back to Funky Buddha that night, buying drinks for everyone and getting so drunk that he falls asleep on a pretty girl's shoulder. He should be pissed when he wakes up in the morning to find his picture all over the internet, with a hundred headlines asking if Liam's got a new girl, and whether he's spiralling out of control.

He deletes all his messages unread. None of them are from the one person he wants to hear from anyway.

It doesn't stop when he goes to Funky Buddha for the third night in a row, or when he stumbles outside at 2am and lashes out at a pap who goads him into an argument. It doesn't stop when his angry face appears across the internet, hands outstretched as he reaches for the annoying little shit.

It doesn't even stop when he doesn't go to Funky Buddha the next night. He stays in, drinking and getting angrier as the pain doesn't go away.

Andy comes by to try to talk to him, but Liam doesn't want to talk and Andy ends up leaving, shaking his head in despair.

He gets visits from the lads as well, one by one, but nothing from Harry.

He spends more nights than not at Funky Buddha, drinking to forget. He ignores all the girls who try to flirt with him, his eye drawn to curly-haired tall boys but since none of them are Harry, he ends up drinking more.

His sisters call, worried because he's in the papers most days with headlines suggesting that they have another Bieber-style meltdown popstar on the cards. Liam waves them off, telling them he's fine as he downs another painkiller for his hangover. He knows he's not fooling them though. He's not fooling anyone.

No amount of drinking makes him forget Harry. Harry's there in his apartment. He's there in Funky Buddha. He's in every mojito he downs and every hangover he suffers. His thumb hovers over Harry's name in his phone for hours, although he never lets it fall.

When Zayn comes to see him a second time, Liam opens the door with his hair a mess, his eyes bloodshot and his clothes hanging off him where he might have forgotten to eat. Or train.

"Fuck, Liam," Zayn breathes, taking it all in.

"Zayn," Liam murmurs, like he's a long-lost friend.

Zayn wraps him up in his arms and half-carries him to the sofa, setting him down and tucking a duvet around him before he heads for the kitchen. He comes back ten minutes later with black coffee and cheese on toast, forcing Liam to finish everything until he's satisfied.

"Liam, what are you doing to yourself?" Zayn asks, his voice shaking a little as he strokes Liam's cheek gently.

"Miss him," Liam murmurs, his eyes closed and half asleep. Zayn's hand feels nice, he thinks. Safe. Familiar. "Lost. Doesn't want me. Left me. Miss him, Zayn. Doesn't miss me. Doesn't want me."

"He does, Liam," Zayn murmurs, frowning. But Liam's asleep and doesn't hear him.

When he wakes up, groggy but feeling better, it's dark and he thinks maybe Zayn left. He vaguely remembers waking up for a second and hearing a door closing. He sits up and yawns, stretching his arms up high when he freezes.

"Hey," Harry says quietly. He's curled up on the chair and he looks pretty much how Liam feels.

Liam lowers his arms slowly before he reaches over to turn on the lamp next to the sofa.

Liam can't think of a single thing to say, so he just lets his gaze roam over Harry.

"You look as bad as I feel," Harry murmurs. He waits, but Liam doesn't say anything. Biting his lip, Harry stumbles to his feet and walks over to Liam slowly before he squats down in front of Liam. He reaches out, hesitating for a beat before he lets his thumb brush over Liam's bottom lip. "I missed you."

Liam feels his face tighten as he tries to focus on Harry and not on how good it feels to have Harry touching him again.

"I thought maybe you'd stopped doing stupid things," Harry says with the barest of smiles. "Lou's been harassing me for days to come and see you."

Liam jerks his head away, staring at the floor as he scowls.

"Hey," Harry says gently, turning Liam's face back towards him. "I wanted to be here. But I just ... everything got so fucked up, Liam."

"You mean I'm fucked up," Liam says eventually, his voice hoarse.

"No," Harry says simply, leaning forward and kissing Liam. It's a sweet, simple kiss that has Liam grabbing Harry's shirt and holding on for dear life when he leans back. "We didn't talk enough, Liam."

"I didn't want to ruin what we had," Liam mumbles into his shirt.

"Me neither," Harry sighs as he moves back and stands up. Liam blinks a few times before he realises that Harry's holding out his hand. Liam takes it carefully, entwining his fingers with Harry's until they're locked tightly together. Harry pulls him up and leads him into the bedroom. He closes the door behind them and slowly starts to strip Liam until he's completely naked. Harry pushes him towards the bathroom, stripping as he follows, turning the shower on as he guides Liam inside. The water sprays down on them as Harry washes Liam clean, taking extra care when he washes Liam's hair and Liam feels the anxiety wash away with the suds until he feels almost normal. Then Harry turns around and waits. Liam stares at him until he realises Harry wants him to return the favour. With shaky hands, Liam washes Harry's long hair, wondering when he's going to get a decent haircut with an affection he can't resist, before he soaps Harry's body carefully. When Harry turns around, he lets the spray rinse him off before he turns the water off and steps outside, wrapping a towel around his waist before he wraps one around Liam, and grabs another to start drying Liam carefully.

Liam lets him, feeling more himself with every passing moment until he feels Harry rubbing his hair dry and he laughs. Harry pauses for a second before he continues, dropping a kiss on Liam's nose and smiling when Liam wrinkles it for a second.

"Your turn," Liam says softly, taking the last towel to dry Harry's lean body and towelling his hair dry until Harry pushes him gently away and drops the towels on the floor. He takes Liam's hand again and walks him to the bed. Liam looks at Harry for a beat before Harry kisses him gently and takes his towel away, dropping his own as well before he gently pushes Liam back against the mattress. Liam scoots up the bed, unsure as he wraps his arms around his middle. When Harry follows him, crawling up his body until he's lying on top of Liam, resting up on his elbows.

"Hi," Liam says quietly, a wealth of meaning behind the words.

"Hi," Harry echoes, letting his finger trace Liam's cheek. "I missed you."

Liam sighs, closing his eyes for a second before they open, bright and fierce. "I missed you too. So much."

"I'm here now," Harry tells him, and Liam thinks perhaps there's a message he's not quite getting. But then Harry's dipping his head for a kiss and all thoughts spiral out of Liam's head. He reaches up to cup Harry's face, holding him like he's afraid Harry's going to disappear if he lets go.

It's gentle and sweet and Liam breathes into it, drawing Harry's taste into his own mouth and savouring it, just in case. He lets a hand drift down to Harry's chest, pressing lightly before he slips it around Harry's waist to his back, letting his palm spread so he can push down, forcing Harry's hips to press down hard against his own.

"Missed this so much," Harry murmurs as he trails kisses across Liam's face. "Missed you."

"Don't leave me," Liam pleads desperately as he chases Harry's mouth. "Don't leave me again."

"Not leaving," Harry says fiercely, his hand cupping Liam's cheek so that he's forced to look up at Harry. "I'm not leaving."

Liam trembles as Harry lifts up so he can scoot down Liam's body. He presses kisses against Liam's shoulders and nipples, swirling his tongue as he detours around Liam's abdominal muscles, kissing each one before he moves lower. Liam's hard but it's a pleasant ache this time, rather than a desperate one. He wants to enjoy every single second of this, and he wants the seconds to draw out as long as possible.

Harry spreads Liam's legs until he has to bend them to keep moving them apart.

"If you want me to stop," Harry says, lifting his head so Liam can see his blazing expression, "then just say stop, okay?"

Liam nods, unsure why they aren't using his safeword, but then Harry's head disappears between his legs and he can feel Harry's tongue pressing against his hole and oh. Liam's first instinct is to wriggle away, but Harry's hands are on his thighs, gripping tightly to keep him in place.

Harry licks carefully, until Liam relaxes and his body becomes pliant.

"Pass me a pillow, babe," Harry says, reaching out a hand. Liam does so with a shaking hand, his body sweating slightly. "Lift your arse, babe."

Liam lifts his hips and Harry slots the pillow underneath and then Liam understands. Harry's tongue probes carefully around his hole until he slides in slightly and Liam screams. His mind goes blank as he concentrates on how good it feels to have Harry's tongue lapping there, loosening him up.

When Harry moves back, he lifts his head again. "Babe, lube?"

Liam nods unsteadily, reaching out to the nightstand to grab a half-full bottle and passing it carefully to Harry, who lets their fingers brush against each other for a second before he moves back down to lay between Liam's legs. Liam hears the tube open and the squelch of lube being poured. His breathing is out of control and he doesn't want to get his hopes up, but when Harry presses his fingers against his hole, Liam relaxes as best as he can so Harry can work it in slowly.

"So good, Liam," Harry mutters as he wiggles his finger in until it's knuckle deep. He moves in and out, loosening Liam up as Liam lets himself drift away, blissed out as Harry finger fucks him. He feels a kiss pressed against the inside of his thigh and he moans, turning into a whine as Harry slides a second finger inside him. It's tight, he can feel it but Harry keeps moving rhythmically. He moves back up Liam's body carefully, his fingers still moving as Liam squirms beneath him until he can reach up for a kiss. It's sloppy and wet and perfect, Harry's tongue sliding in rhythm with his fingers and Liam's breathless with need. His cock is aching hard now but he's barely paying attention to it, so focused is he on Harry's fingers moving in and out, causing delicious ripples throughout his body.

"Harry," Liam gasps against his mouth, on fire and needy. "Fuck me, please Harry."

"Almost there babe," Harry assures him, pressing another kiss against his lips before he drifts back down to kiss his thigh, biting him gently as he slips another finger inside of Liam. Liam cries out because it feels like too much but Harry keeps moving and Liam adjusts, starting to move his hips as he pushes down when Harry pushes up, fucking himself down onto Harry's fingers.

"God you look so good, Liam," Harry whispers, reaching up to close his mouth around Liam's tip, sucking gently as Liam's hips rock up and he moans loudly.

"Fuck me," Liam babbles almost incoherently, the sensations overwhelming him. "Please Harry, fuck me please Christ fuck me I need you to fuck me."

"Shh," Harry mumbles around his dick, bobbing sweetly before he pulls off and slides his fingers out, pushing his thumb in carefully as Liam bucks up wildly. "I need a condom, babe."

"Drawer," Liam whines, his eyes wide and needy as he watches Harry crawl up the bed and take out a strip, ripping one off and opening the foil before he slides it down his hard cock. He grabs the lube and passes it to Liam, who stares at the bottle blankly.

"Get me ready?" Harry asks and Liam wonders if he's nervous. He coats his hands in lube and reaches down between Harry's legs, slicking him carefully, trying not to stroke him too hard and set him off early. "I've missed your hands," Harry tells him, nuzzling into his neck. "I've missed everything."

"I missed you," Liam sighs as he pulls his hands away. "Now please fuck me."

Harry laughs gently before he kisses Liam long and hard. "Ready?"

"Yes!" Liam gives him a quick shove, grinning down at him as Harry squeezes his own dick and lines himself up at Liam's hole. He takes a deep breath before he pushes in slowly, wincing at the tightness around his tip but he doesn't stop. Liam's breathing hitches as he feels Harry, heavy and foreign inside him but then Harry pushes in further and Liam gasps, pulling his knees up slightly to help Harry get a better angle. He can feel Harry sliding inside of him and god it feels amazing. He holds back though, waiting until Harry bottoms out. He's sweating and holding back, but Liam reaches out to push Harry's hair back from his forehead, smiling down at him.

"Alright?" Harry asks, his breathing laboured as he holds himself still.

"I will be when you fuck me," Liam says softly, shifting his hips slightly, making Harry moan low and loud.

Harry starts to move slowly, feeling his way as he slides in and out in shallow strokes. Liam arches his back as the pressure builds inside of him, his cock throbbing as Harry starts to move deeper.

"Harry," Liam whimpers as he looks up to find Harry staring down at him. "So good."

Harry drops down onto his elbow, hips still rocking into Liam long and hard and Liam gasps as pleasure shoots through him. "There?" Harry asks with a slightly cocky grin.

"Fuck, yes," Liam grits out, closing his eyes as Harry starts to move faster, every time he thrusts in making Liam's body explode. When he feels Harry's hand wrap around his cock and start to wank him slowly. Liam cries out, whimpering as Harry moves his hand faster until he's in time with the thrusts of his dick inside Liam, and it's too much. Liam comes without warning, erupting over Harry's belly and sliding across his own as Harry continues to thrust inside, faster as Liam reaches up to grab the headboard, holding himself as still as he can as Harry pounds in faster. There's a loud cry before Liam feels Harry go lax above him and he relaxes, letting go of the headboard as he tries to catch his breath and focus, but he can feel his eyes watering and he tries to blink the moisture back.

Harry's head lifts from where he'd collapsed against Liam's chest and his eyes widen. "Fuck. Fuck! Liam?"

"It was good," Liam assures him, his voice wobbling slightly. "So good, Harry."

"Yeah," Harry says, relaxing slightly. "Yeah, it was. You were brilliant, babe."

They're silent for a while until Harry pulls out, taking off the condom and tying it off before he throws it out, padding into the bathroom to find a cloth to clean them up with. He's so gentle with Liam that he wants to cry, but he holds back and waits. When Harry climbs into bed and doesn't pull Liam into a cuddle, Liam bites his lip and stares at the ceiling.

"Was that ... was it not alright?" Liam asks eventually, his voice trembling horribly even as he tries to control it.

Harry sighs as he turns onto his side to look at him, tugging Liam over so they're mirroring each other. "Liam. Jesus. It was great. But we shouldn't have done it," he says finally and Liam just loses it. He starts to shake, his lip wobbling until he bites down hard on it, trying to stop.

"You don't want me anymore?" Liam asks, not wanting to know the answer but the words escaping before he can stop them.

"I _always_ want you," Harry says forcefully, his hand tightening on Liam's hip until he's certain there will be bruises. He hopes there are bruises at least. "But Louis was right. This isn't healthy, this thing we're doing."

"Why not? We both want it," Liam says, his voice thick and his throat tight. "I want this."

"I can't control you anymore," Harry says quickly, shaking his head as Liam tries to speak. "It's not good. You have to make your own choices. I almost died when Louis was screaming at me and you broke down. My fucking heart broke, Liam, and there was nothing I could do. I can't have that happen again, to me or to you. I _won't_ let that happen again."

"I won't, I promise," Liam says quickly. He can do that. He can keep his mouth shut, even if he's breaking inside. Like now, he thinks. "I promise I won't, Harry."

"No you don't understand," Harry says with a sigh. "I couldn't defend myself to Louis, because I needed _you_ to defend me. You, Liam. Not me _telling_ you to defend me. I needed it to be your choice and you were so wrapped up in our little ... whatever it was, that you couldn't separate it. You kept staring at me like I could solve all your problems, and Christ I wish that was true, but it's not. Sometimes you have to solve your own problems. I needed you to tell Louis that what we were doing was alright, but the fact that you couldn't meant that what we were doing _wasn't_ alright."

It's a lot to process, Liam thinks as he stares at Harry. And perhaps he's right. Perhaps he is too dependent on Harry. But they can work on that. If he wants to, Liam thinks sadly.

"You're right," Liam says eventually, heavily, as understanding settles within him. "I needed you too much. And perhaps it was unhealthy. But I like it when you pin me down or tie me up. I like it when you like, you know. With my mouth."

Liam flushes as Harry smiles understandingly.

"I like all that stuff. And you like it too, right?" Liam asks, almost certain.

"You know I do," Harry tells him honestly. "Liam, it's the best sex I've ever had."

"Me too," Liam tells him quickly.

"So what do we do?" Harry asks him and Liam blinks, wondering if this is a test.

"I want to do things properly," Liam says quickly, closing his eyes as he wonders if he's going to ruin everything, but ploughing ahead anyway, like usual. "I want us to be boyfriends. And I'll make my own choices, I promise. But like, maybe sexually, you could, I dunno, we could be like we are? Or were? Sometimes?"

Harry stays silent and Liam curses himself silently over and over again.

"Unless you don't want any of that," Liam says in a small voice, his heart breaking all over again.

"I'm waiting for you to open your eyes, you idiot," Harry whispers in his ear. "Of course I want all of that, Liam. You don't know how much I really, really want all of that."

"Oh," Liam says, eyes springing open as he sees Harry grinning at him.

"It's okay, we can work on that," Harry tells him, his gaze turning soft. "We can work on the difference between me telling you what to do and me advising you what to do. You know, as boyfriends."

"Oh," Liam says again, his mind blank as he tries to process everything. "Boyfriends?"

"Boyfriends," Harry nods happily, reaching out to poke Liam's side.

"Boyfriends," Liam says dreamily, not even moving away when Harry goes in for another poke.

"Boyfriends," Harry laughs, dragging Liam in for a kiss.

"Like, proper boyfriends," Liam says when they pull back, his hand resting on Harry's shoulder. "Like kissing and meeting parents and holding hands boyfriends?"

"For starters," Harry agrees, rolling onto his back and taking Liam with him until he's draped over Harry just how Liam likes. He thinks Harry likes it too. "Mum already loves you."

"What about Gemma?" Liam asks warily, even though his heart is fucking bursting.

"She thinks we're both idiots," Harry says with a shrug, folding his arms under his head as he grins up at Liam. "But that's nothing new."

"She knows?" Liam asks, surprised.

"Spent the last week holed up in her flat," Harry says simply. "She's bored of me stealing her tea and crying on her shoulder."

"You cried?" Liam asks, more surprised.

"Metaphorically speaking," Harry teases him, laughing when Liam pinches his bicep. "Maybe a little."

"I just got drunk a lot," Liam says regretfully.

"We're going to work on your alcohol issues," Harry says seriously. "As supportive boyfriends do."

"Yeah," Liam says and his eyes have gone dreamy again. Harry laughs before he rolls them over again and he distracts Liam with his mouth.

*

It takes a while for the band to adjust. Niall stares at them a lot at first and Louis teases them mercilessly, which Liam finds a bit hard at first but Harry just laughs and kisses Liam more. It always distracts both of them and Louis quickly realised how self-defeating it all was so he changed tactics to cooing at them. Zayn mostly pouts because he's lost his pillow in Liam but he quickly trains Niall up and they work around it. And Liam's still around sometimes for snuggling, but mostly he just wants to be next to Harry.

"You two are disgusting," Louis tells them after a week of coupledom on the Australian leg of the tour. "Absolutely hopeless."

"It's a wonder no one's picked up on the way you two stare at each other on stage, really," Niall agrees, stroking Zayn's hair as they lie together on the bus. "All gooey-eyes."

"Shut up Nialler," Harry says, absolutely no heat in his voice whatsoever.

"And what if I don't?" Niall teases back, a beaming grin on his face.

"I'll set my boyfriend on you," Harry throws back easily, making Liam laugh even as he stares up at Harry adoringly, head in his lap.

"Your boyfriend loves me," Niall says all too smugly. "He'd never hurt me."

"True," Liam agrees, interlacing his fingers with Harry's. "But I do love Harry more."

Harry's face flushes and he stares down at Liam, a smile playing on his lips.

"Oh Jesus you two _are_ disgusting," Louis says huffily. "C'mon boys. They're going to get really mushy and have loud sex. By the way, the bunks are _right next to each other_. Keep your sex noises down to a minimum."

"God, did you hear them two nights ago?" Niall asks Louis as he gets to his feet, helping a sleepy Zayn up and out of the room. "Liam makes these breathy little sighs that are just horrific to listen to."

"Don't think they're as bad as Harry's girly screams," Zayn adds before the door shuts behind them.

"I do not scream like a girl," Harry pouts before he looks down at Liam. "Right, babe?"

"Um, maybe slightly girly?" Liam laughs, reaching up for a kiss that Harry pretends to move away from before he swoops down to kiss Liam senseless.

"Well if you're going to be like that," Harry says when he finally pulls back before shifting until he's laying across Liam, "then I won't tell you that I love you too."

"Oh no," Liam says, his grin wide and bright and so, so honest. "I guess I'd better tell you then that I love it when I can make you fall apart and scream."

Amused, Harry kisses him gently. "I love you, you know."

"I love you too," Liam says softly.

Harry's eyes shine as he glances back toward the bunks. "So I guess we've got some time before they get back."

"Breathy little sighs?" Liam asks hopefully as Harry gets to his feet, pulling Liam up with him.

"Girly screams," Harry agrees before he races for his bunk, Liam laughing as he chases behind him.


End file.
